never take a man shopping
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Thread: never take a man shopping

  1. #1

    Default never take a man shopping

    This letter was recently sent by Tesco\'s Head Office to a customer in

    Oxford:



    Dear Mrs. Murray,



    While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty

    Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you

    and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

    Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by

    our surveillance cameras:



    1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people\'s

    trolleys when they weren\'t looking.



    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

    intervals.



    3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

    feminine products aisle.



    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

    \"Code 3\" in housewares..... and watched what happened.



    5. August 14: Moved a \'CAUTION - WET FLOOR\' sign to a carpeted area.



    6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

    told shoppers he\'d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

    Calor gas stove.



    7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,

    he began to cry and asked, \"Why can\'t you people just leave me alone?\"



    8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

    mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.



    9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

    Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

    antidepressants were.



    10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming

    the \"Mission Impossible\" theme.



    11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the \"Madonna look\"

    using different size funnels.



    12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

    \"PICK ME!\" \"PICK ME!\"



    13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

    assumed the foetal position and screamed \"NO! NO! It\'s those voices

    again.\"



    And; last, but not least:



    14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

    while; then yelled, very loudly, \"There is no toilet paper in here.\"



    Yours sincerely,



    Charles Brown

    Store Manager


    ok peeps, the challenge for the week is - see how many of these YOU can get away with!! lol

  2. #2

    Default

    lollollol

    Those are great, although I don\'t think I\'ll be trying to do #8. The rest? Oh yeah. :D

  3. #3

  4. #4

    Default

    I want to go shopping right now, this is so going to liven up my trips to Tesco lol It\'s no. 12 for me :flip:

  5. #5

    Default hmmm

    Done 2, Done 5, Done \'close\' to 9.

    I took knives once and a house of knives store (sell knives, swords, etc) and said \"I like blades\' in a slow, dry, monotone voice. the lady was scared then I began to laugh and said i almost gave her a heart attack; she said people do jokes like that alot.

    Sanjay

  6. #6

    Default

    lol That man is a genius lol

    #2 I have done also, albeit with timers rather than alarm clocks.

  7. #7

    Default

    i think i have done some of those but my personal favorite is faking a seizure. i used to have them when i was younger and stopped in my late teens. but i still would act like i had a seizure and then run away fast.... also try this one guys.

    stretch armstrong in between two cars going in opposite directions=great fun.

    btw he stretched to 10 feet 3 inches.

  8. #8
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    Default

    :rolleyes: I would assume the blank innocent look..... “husband? what husband??? , I’m single\"....then book out of Dodge.lol

  9. #9

    Default

    Originally posted by quadrille
    lol That man is a genius lol

    #2 I have done also, albeit with timers rather than alarm clocks.
    actualy so have i. load up a bunch of eggtimers and wait.....

  10. #10

    Default

    Utterly inspired some of those... although I bet he\'s an absolute nightmare to live with! :rolleyes:

  11. #11

    Default

    I\'m still trying to figure out what the objection was.

  12. #12

    Default

    That was really funny!!Ta!Gave me some ideas..lol

  13. #13

    Default

    What about the old classic:
    Find one of those chest freezers on display and hide in it - popping out like some manic jack in the box when the lid opens?

    (Or cover yourself in sauce and pretend to be a mangled corpse)

  14. #14

    Default

    [quote]Originally posted by freakinacage
    This letter was recently sent by Tesco\'s Head Office to a customer in

    Oxford:





    7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,

    he began to cry and asked, \"Why can\'t you people just leave me alone?\"



    [quote]


    why does games workshop spring to mind:D

  15. #15

    Default

    My fave is the large stand up freezer and falling out when someone opens the door, since they see fingers peeking out from the closed door,lol. Got kicked out of a Home Depot for that one. Still damn funny the look on the couples face.

  16. #16

    Default


    12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled \"PICK ME!\" \"PICK ME!\"
    I did this one a while back with a friend at a Kohls. Though, we would each try to get a person to choose one us; however, we than got into a verbal fight which lead into throwing 1 or 2 clothing at eahc other. I can say the expressions on peoples faces were priceless. :D

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