Never assume anything.......
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  1. #1
    Superfreak!!! lizcam's Avatar
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    Default Never assume anything.......

    Got this at work today;

    Be sure to read all the way to the end.





    In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University

    On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

    He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant\'s f oot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled . Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

    Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.&n bsp;

    Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn\'t help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

    Probably wasn\'t the same elephant.


  2. #2

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    What is the point of this story? Its just stupid & embodies all that is wrong with the internet IMHO

  3. #3

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    Having a bad day Davyboy?

  4. #4

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    Originally posted by Davyboy74
    What is the point of this story? Its just stupid & embodies all that is wrong with the internet IMHO
    Well, I thought it was funny; a very good twist on what have otherwise been a tired cliche.

  5. #5

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    Originally posted by supervike
    Having a bad day Davyboy?
    k, the story made me chuckle, but this made me laugh out loud because it was PRECISELY what was going though my head at the time! lol



  6. #6

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    personally such a horrific event scarring a young boy for life is no joke!


    nah only kidding :) cheers for sharing gave me a giggle lol


  7. #7

  8. #8

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    Oh, i dunno, perhaps i was having a bad 5 minutes when i posted that (or was it to do with my secret fear of elephants?) lol

    Sorry folx

  9. #9

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    Originally posted by Davyboy74
    Oh, i dunno, perhaps i was having a bad 5 minutes when i posted that (or was it to do with my secret fear of elephants?) lol

    Sorry folx
    lollol

    Great response Davy!!

    That made me laugh.

  10. #10
    Superfreak!!! lizcam's Avatar
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    :innocent: It\'s cool Davyboy. In one way the story is kind of horrific but then humans are often horrific in stupid funny ways. Sorry I caught you at a bad time with it. :)

  11. #11

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    Ah, here\'s a good one:

    A guy walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family.

  12. #12

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    hehe made me think of:

    Albert and t\' lion
    ---------------------

    There\'s a famous seaside place called Blackpool,
    That\'s noted for fresh-air and fun,
    And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
    Went there with young Albert, their son.

    A grand little lad was their Albert
    All dressed in his best; quite a swell
    \'E\'d a stick with an \'orse\'s \'ead \'andle
    The finest that Woolworth\'s could sell.

    They didn\'t think much to the ocean
    The waves, they was fiddlin\' and small
    There was no wrecks... nobody drownded
    \'Fact, nothing to laugh at, at all.

    So, seeking for further amusement
    They paid and went into the zoo
    Where they\'d lions and tigers and cam-els
    And old ale and sandwiches too.

    There were one great big lion called Wallace
    His nose were all covered with scars
    He lay in a som-no-lent posture
    With the side of his face to the bars.

    Now Albert had heard about lions
    How they were ferocious and wild
    And to see Wallace lying so peaceful
    Well... it didn\'t seem right to the child.

    So straight \'way the brave little feller
    Not showing a morsel of fear
    Took \'is stick with the\'orse\'s \'ead \'andle
    And pushed it in Wallace\'s ear!

    You could see that the lion didn\'t like it
    For giving a kind of a roll
    He pulled Albert inside the cage with \'im
    And swallowed the little lad... whole!

    Then Pa, who had seen the occurrence
    And didn\'t know what to do next
    Said, \"Mother! Yon lions \'et Albert\"
    And Mother said \"Eeh, I am vexed!\"

    So Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom
    Quite rightly, when all\'s said and done
    Complained to the Animal Keeper
    That the lion had eaten their son.

    The keeper was quite nice about it
    He said, \"What a nasty mishap
    Are you sure that it\'s your lad he\'s eaten?\"
    Pa said, \"Am I sure? There\'s his cap!\"

    So the manager had to be sent for
    He came and he said, \"What\'s to do?\"
    Pa said, \"Yon lion\'s \'eaten our Albert
    And \'im in his Sunday clothes, too.\"

    Then Mother said, \"Right\'s right, young feller
    I think it\'s a shame and a sin
    For a lion to go and eat Albert
    And after we\'ve paid to come in!\"

    The manager wanted no trouble
    He took out his purse right away
    And said, \"How much to settle the matter?\"
    And Pa said \"What do you usually pay?\"

    But Mother had turned a bit awkward
    When she thought where her Albert had gone
    She said, \"No! someone\'s got to be summonsed\"
    So that were decided upon.

    Round they went to the Police Station
    In front of a Magistrate chap
    They told \'im what happened to Albert
    And proved it by showing his cap.

    The Magistrate gave his o-pinion
    That no-one was really to blame
    He said that he hoped the Ramsbottoms
    Would have further sons to their name.

    At that Mother got proper blazing
    \"And thank you, sir, kindly,\" said she
    \"What waste all our lives raising children
    To feed ruddy lions? Not me!\"

  13. #13

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    This one\'s slightly blue, but goes along in the style of the first story:


    Two men are sitting in a subway car and one of them looks quite obviously distressed. His face is beet red and his expression is plainly horrified.

    The other man asks him if everything is okay and he responds with this story:

    \'Oh, I\'m so humiliated. I went to purchase my tickets at the counter and the clerk was such a beautiful lady and as much as I tried not to, I couldn\'t help but notice that she had the most incredible....assets. And to make matters worse, they were all out there on display in that tight little sweater she was wearing. Anyway, I meant to say, \'I\'d like two tickets to Pittsburgh, please\', but when I opened my mouth, what came out was, \'I\'d like two pickets to titsburgh, please.\' :redface:

    \'I\'m just so embarassed.\'

    The second man just listened and when the story was completed he responded with this bit of encouragement:

    \'Oh!, is that all?!

    Come on now, it happens to the best of us. Sometime the cat just gets your tongue.

    Why this very morning I was eating breakfast when my beautiful wife came in wearing a tiny little silk nightie. I was trying to concentrate on breakfast but I was having a really hard time.

    I opened my mouth to talk, intending to say, \'honey could you please pass the sugar?\'

    Unfortunately, as I started to ask, what actually came out was \'YOU\'RE RUINING MY FREAKIN\' LIFE, HAG!!!\' lol



    It\'s really much better told than read, but I just can\'t get enough of that one! lollol

  14. #14
    Superfreak!!! lizcam's Avatar
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    @ botrh DaN and mattrock: lollollol

  15. #15
    Brushlicker Godlikebuthumble's Avatar
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    Orginal gepostet von mattsterbenz
    Ah, here\'s a good one:

    A guy walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family.
    I giggled like a madman at this. Does that make me a horrible person?

  16. #16
    donga666
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    Short one:

    Two snow-men in a garden, one turns to the other and says \'can you smell carrott?\'

  17. #17

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    Ah the elephant and hag ones just made me crack up laughing.

  18. #18

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    Originally posted by Davyboy74
    Oh, i dunno, perhaps i was having a bad 5 minutes when i posted that (or was it to do with my secret fear of elephants?) lol

    Sorry folx
    i liked your first reaction. i was hoping for a massive rant befor you chilled and apolgised, damn you for ruining it!!!

    Originally posted by mattsterbenz
    Ah, here\'s a good one:

    A guy walks into a bar. His alcoholism is destroying his family.
    lol

    two fish in a tank, one says to the other \'how do you drive this thing?\'


  19. #19
    donga666
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    This is turning into a Joke thread.

    Not that that\'s a problem :D

  20. #20
    Superfreak!!! lizcam's Avatar
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    It was to begin with. ;)

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