im bored and good jokes or lymerics? - Page 31
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Thread: im bored and good jokes or lymerics?

  1. #601

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    the one where hes jamming something in his eye is awesome.
    i have always loved stuff like that or like this
    Ruined pictures
    Now doing commissions! PM me for details.
    wanted: any plastic models from the screamingbell/Plague furnace. PM if you have any.


  2. #602

  3. #603

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    Here's one for you swedes:

    Polisen meddelar att man gripit några av ”Usama bin ladens”släktingar.
    De personer som nu sitter i säkert förvar är Usamas mor, ”Marme laden” och de två bröderna, ”Choko laden” och ”Remou laden”.
    I lördags kväll tillfångatogs även hans syster, ”Pina co laden”.
    Nu spanar man efter hans kusin ”Sal laden” och hans senile farfar ”Var fan var de jag laden”.

    Sorry for not translating it guys, it's a play with words and it really can't be translated.
    Quote Originally Posted by TrystanGST View Post
    The secret? Practice, and a desire to get better. A little talent goes a long way, but as long as you're open to advice, you can do amazing things.

  4. #604

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    Osama bin Laden, one of 52 children...even Freud would go, 'He haz isschues...'

  5. #605
    Superfreak!!! Torn blue sky's Avatar
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    51 now...Bwahahaha.

    Too soon?
    I have a cunning plan...So cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a Weasel...

  6. #606

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    did you hear the one about the Irish Exorcism? the mother had to call the devil in to get the priest out of her son....
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  7. #607

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    Ba doom pish

  8. #608

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    just pulled into my drive and saw some thieving black git leg it out of my back door n over the fence!!!
    the wife must have put up a hell of a fight tho, she was naked, coverd in sweat n could hardly walk!
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  9. #609

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    Quote Originally Posted by cassar View Post
    just pulled into my drive and saw some thieving black git leg it out of my back door n over the fence!!!
    the wife must have put up a hell of a fight tho, she was naked, coverd in sweat n could hardly walk!
    Oh, erm, haha. For a minute, I was like Cassar, old chap, is she alright? LOL
    Proud owner of a Cassar!

    #1378/9460
    You are ranked 1351 out of 9441 artists.



  10. #610

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    wife asks, "why dont we make love like they do in the movies?"
    so i bent her over, bucked her up the ass, blew over her face.
    turns out we dont watch the same movies.

    the wife had to go to casualty, two black eyes and a broken nose.
    seems i misunderstood when she said she wanted decking on the patio.
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  11. #611
    Superfreak!!! Torn blue sky's Avatar
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    I should really compose these and print them out to keep the old boy entertained when he goes off on one.
    I have a cunning plan...So cunning you could pin a tail on it and call it a Weasel...

  12. #612

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    Some wag has already created the 'Osama' drink.

    Two shots and a splash.

  13. #613

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    I'll always remember what grandpa said just before he died - "A TRUCK!!"
    Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

  14. #614

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    A plane is on its way to toronto , when a blonde in
    economy class gets up, and moves to the first class
    section and sits down.
    A flight attendant watches her do this, and asks
    to see her ticket.

    She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy
    class, and that she will have to sit in the back.
    The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm
    going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
    the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells
    the pilot and the co-pilot that there is a blonde
    bimbo sitting in first class, that belongs in
    economy, and won't move back to her seat.

    The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to
    explain that because she only paid for economy
    she will have to leave and return to her seat.
    The blonde replies, "i'm blonde, i'm beautiful, i'm
    going to toronto and i'm staying right here."
    the co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should
    have the police waiting when they land to arrest
    this blonde woman who won't listen to reason.

    The pilot says, "you say she is a blonde? I'll
    handle this, i'm married to a blonde. I speak blonde."
    he goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear,
    and she says, "oh, i'm sorry." and gets up and goes
    back to her seat in economy..
    The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and
    asked him what he said to make her move without
    any fuss.

    "i told her, "first class isn't going to toronto ".
    Surrealism: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

  15. #615

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    The police came to my front door last night holding a picture of my wife.
    They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
    Shocked, I answered, "Yes."
    They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
    I said, "I know, but she has a lovely personality."
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  16. #616

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    Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house.
    Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away.
    He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?"
    "Because they're upside down," says Paddy.
    "You daft prat," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  17. #617

  18. #618

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    lmaoshmsfoaidmt!!!
    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


  19. #619

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    This past wednesday was, truth, International Star Wars day. Which makes all the sense in the world, seeing the date. May the 4th be with you!

  20. #620

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    these really work!!
    amazing simple home remedies:






    1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold the vegetables while you chop.


    2. Avoid arguments with the females about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.


    3. For high blood pressure sufferers ~ simply cut yourself and bleed for a
    few minutes, thus reducing the pressure on your veins. Remember to use a timer.

    4. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

    5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you'll be afraid to cough.

    6. You only need two tools in life - wd-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the wd-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

    7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.

    daily thought:

    some people are like slinkies: not really good for anything, but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

    LAAARRFF, I SPLIT MY SIDES!!

    cassar [demigod] |ˈdemēˌgäd|
    noun ( fem. demigoddess |ˈdemēˌgädis| )
    a being with partial or lesser divine status, such as a minor deity, the offspring of a god and a mortal, or a mortal raised to divine rank.
    • a person who is greatly admired or feared.
    ORIGIN mid 16th cent.: translating Latin semideus .

    on a serious note, i do commissions, no really i do, ask and ye shall receive


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