Tales From The Freak Bar #9 - Page 2
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Thread: Tales From The Freak Bar #9

  1. #21
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dragonsreach View Post
    By the way the black and white striped rug isn't a rug.
    That's Tiddles, who's still hibernating, and yes I know Tigers don't hibernate but you try telling him that.
    Attachment 2070
    thanks to Tiddles our pool is orca free
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  2. #22

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    Quote Originally Posted by wiccanpony View Post
    thanks to Tiddles our pool is orca free
    And I was planning to use them for BBQ! Now what do we cook at the Grand Opening? It'll have to be large enough to feed everyone.

    Wonder if I could pick up some elephants on the cheap.
    "Reality, she's a mathematical bitch from hell.", MaxedOutMama
    Wanna be bored? Watch me twitter. --<>-- Still have neurons? Watch my YouTube channel on painting!
    Want to know when to fry your neurons? My painting twitter will announce the videos.
    To judge how far to follow my advice, consider this: ---<>--- Slappin' paint on minis since 2006

  3. #23
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    feel free to use some of uber's woodland creatures and we have lots of free range Squigs running around, no limit on them
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  4. #24
    Superfreak!!! lizcam's Avatar
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    Good God! I'm gone for a bit and my room in the basement has been taken over by Squiggy's latest experiments! I want them out NOW!

    Oh, and Bubba? I really could use something warm and relaxing. Bring it to me in the hot tub and if you can scare up some volenteers I could use my back rubbed and my toe nails painted. It's been a rough year so far and I need some pampering.

    Where are all my boys and who Mopboy right now?
    We done done it now. We're finally hitched. We are now the dreaded two headed Roger - Liz - Bunting monster you have all feared.

  5. #25
    Superfreak!!! Dragonsreach's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PegaZus View Post
    Now what do we cook at the Grand Opening?
    Auroch's......
    You'll find the herd 2nd door on the right , go down the stairs and take the third door on the left.
    Watch out though they are a little on the aggressive side this time of year.

    DO NOT Take the third door on the right that's where the Yak herders are.
    I believe in Karma, what you give, is what you get returned. Affirmation; Savage Garden
    Oh look my IQ results came in:-
    , and proud of it.

  6. #26
    Superfreak!!! Sand Rat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PegaZus View Post
    Wouldn't happen to be a Standard Issue Big Gun, would it?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="640" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/d867yvNW4aE&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/d867yvNW4aE&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="640" height="385"></embed></object>

    In case you're not familiar with Ghost in the Shell, after whats-his-name (Batou?) jumps down to talk to the girl getting crushed after blasting the crab tank to the junk yard, she asks what gun he used. Thus the line, "Just your standard issue big gun."
    Yes yes that would be it. Although from the sounds of the basement we need to break out the flamethrowers as well.
    Dr. Walter Bishop: I have used this technique to extract information from a corpse once. You can do that if they haven't been dead for longer than six hours.
    Peter Bishop: [in the background] Right, 'cause after six hours, that's when they're really dead.

    Eating and sleeping are the only activities that should be allowed to interrupt a man's enjoyment of his cigar. S. Clemons

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  7. #27
    Coffin Dodger / Keymaster airhead's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by steelcult View Post
    Right - time to start handing out the BFG's
    My Favorites
    I'm at and falling.
    si vis pacem, para bellum

    This post has been made with 100% recycled electrons.

  8. #28
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    ghostbusters on drugs
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  9. #29

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    now I wonder would the "Noisy Cricket " from the first Men in Black be a BFG? HUUMMMMM....
    "Yes, yes, yes. Woman are in awe of his manhood and men swoon in his wake. Truly he is a legend in his own mind."

  10. #30
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    I had a laugh on reading this and would blame the cat first


    .............

    Sacred Flatulence

    Author: Sickle
    Posted: April 18th. 2010
    Times Viewed: 1,440

    There I was, standing before my altar. I had not performed an esbat in some time, so I had made the decision to celebrate every full and dark moon for at least one year. Given that this was the first of a year’s worth of spiritual discipline, I wanted it to be perfect.

    The candles were new and freshly lit. Aromatic incense smoke wafted up from the censer and delicately perfumed the room. The air was crisp with the energy I had raised and placed in the casting of the sacred Circle. The intention of the night’s esbat was to commune with the Lord and Lady, and so I proceeded to make the ritual gestures and open my heart to Them. The words that I ad-libbed seem to flow effortlessly and flawlessly, so much so that the beauty of the ritual took me aback.

    It was exactly at that moment that I felt things happening.

    Personally, I like to eat very lightly before having a ritual. Some apple slices or a simple fruit salad provide me with the sustenance that I need without giving me that “heavy” feeling that often comes after a more hearty meal. Of course, eating an all-fruit meal also gives me a little “added bonus”. Being so excited about the night’s rite, I completely forgot what fruit does to my stomach.

    So imagine my horrified surprise when, in the middle of my speech to the Goddess, I passed gas.

    I could not believe it. Everything that I had prepared for the night was ruined with that one little spout of air. What would the Lady think? Would She be offended? The beauty of the ritual now seemed to have been profaned. What was worse, there was nothing I could have done about it.

    This terrified panic lasted no more than three seconds, as I was able to quickly come to my senses. I considered what had happened, grinned my inner-trickster grin, and said, “Blessed be.” The beauty of the ritual restored, I continued with my words to the Goddess.

    Now, what on Earth would prompt me to say, “blessed be” after what had just happened? I said it because what had happened had been completely natural. Being Wiccan, I practice a nature-based spirituality, and the natural world is seen as gloriously sacred. All of nature’s cycles are likewise celebrated and viewed as divine, and it is the continuation and evolution of life that Wiccans perceive with the highest reverence. This need not only be viewed on the grand scale with such things as the Wheel of the Year, but on the smaller scale as well. What I had done -- the eating of the fruit and the natural processes that had taken place -- was the result of a natural cycle that had occurred in my life-filled body.

    For me to have hung my head in shame would have been to offend my own body, my Wiccan brethren, and the sacred All-Life/Godhead that I venerate. Sadly I have seen this very attitude rear up all too many times with a number of individuals and groups. The Lord and Lady are praised aloud from hilltops, but the crying baby is hushed or taken where its wails cannot be heard by those gathered in the Circle. Women speak in hushed voices to one another that they cannot participate in the spiral dance because of their “issues”.

    The guy who ate only fruit for dinner politely excuses himself from the guided meditation . . . Unless it is to be accompanied by loud drumming and voluminous amounts of incense.

    Such behaviors, it seems to me, are antithetical not only to Wicca, but nature based religions in general. By definition, our spiritual practices ought to hold all facets of nature in high regard and not just those that humans have deemed to be appropriate. To pick and choose leads to a severe limiting on our religious practices, exploration, and spiritual development as we are hindered by self-appointed taboos that have no logical merit. After all: would it be so bad for a woman to proudly proclaim, as a result of her radiant life force, that she is menstruating?

    Am I saying that all circles must allow for screaming, crying children? Not at all. Am I saying that every event must include a time for all the ladies to comment on which part of their monthly cycle they currently are? Hardly. Am I saying that everyone should indulge in large quantities of fruit in order to offer up a “joyful noise” to Divinity? Not so much.

    What I am saying is that the ways of nature --all of the ways-- can be viewed as sacred and should never be shunned. The crying child may be taken away from the Circle so that the participants may create a quieter atmosphere, but the child ought to be praised for its demonstration of the God‘s ferocity to live. She who is experiencing her natural cycles need not announce it to all and sundry, but let those who know honor her as an emanation of the power of the Goddess. Those experiencing the digestive consequences of certain foods ought to simply let what happens, happen.

    Just use a little extra incense.

    Last night, I prepared for another esbat. I had a lot of things to do before the ritual, and did not manage to eat anything beforehand except a cup of fruit and yogurt.

    The altar room was prepared: Candles were lit, incense was burning, and the cakes and ale were set out. This would be only my second full moon esbat since deciding to celebrate the full and dark moons for a year, and I was eager to feel that particular magick that comes from a full moon celebration. I raised the energy and cast the circle of the art. Candlelight glinted off the blade of my athame as I carved the glyphs of power into the ether. I spent time communing with the Lord and Lady, and then worked the magicks as I had planned. All went well. Everything was physically, emotionally, and spiritually satisfying and I approached the altar to speak my thanks to the Lord and Lady before closing the rite. I raised the chalice and the blade and opened my heart . . .

    And passed gas again.

    I immediately became thankful for the outward manifestation of my vitality, and acknowledged the moment as a sacred act. I said, “Blessed be”, and continued with the closing of the Circle. When all was finished, I left the altar feeling joyous and content. The remnants of the energy of the magick still danced about my body, and I was pleased with how my communion with the Lord and Lady had gone. Was I ashamed over what had once again happened? Not this time. My acceptance of the incident as being sacrosanct had been the best way for me to honor myself, the Lord and Lady, and all of life. Although They grinned at me over what had happened, I know the Lord and Lady nodded in approval at my sacred flatulence.
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  11. #31

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    FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!
    FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!
    FREE COMIC BOOK DAY!


    just wanted to remind everyone that Saturday May 1st. is free comic book day. Support your Local Comic Shop!
    "Yes, yes, yes. Woman are in awe of his manhood and men swoon in his wake. Truly he is a legend in his own mind."

  12. #32
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    can I get an adult xxx one
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  13. #33

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    I'm think that you may just have to pay for one of those, there Miss Pony.
    "Yes, yes, yes. Woman are in awe of his manhood and men swoon in his wake. Truly he is a legend in his own mind."

  14. #34

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    Right on Mud Duck! I work right across the street from my local comic shop so I know where I'll be on my lunch break! Lots of good free books this year.

  15. #35

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    *peers down at his uniform --- and we're using that word loosely, here...*

    Oh, come on! Plaid pants and horizontally striped shirt? Who designed this, anyway? And you call this a mop?
    It's only got two ratty old strands of grease infested... whatever that is....

  16. #36
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    what! you don't like ... well it could stand some bling .......... I have some BDSM nipple clamp .. now hold still
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  17. #37
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    todays laughs

    > In Honor of Stupid People
    > -------------------------
    >
    > ...some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
    >
    > 1.On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.
    >
    > 2.On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
    >
    > 3.On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"
    >
    > 4.On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
    >
    > 5.On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."
    >
    > 6.On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."
    >
    > 7.On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."
    >
    > 8.On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
    >
    > 9.On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
    >
    > 10.On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."
    >
    > 11.On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."
    >
    > 12.On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."
    >
    > 13.On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
    >
    > 14.On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
    >
    > 15.On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals
    >
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  18. #38

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    Quote Originally Posted by BarstoolProphet View Post
    *peers down at his uniform --- and we're using that word loosely, here...*

    Oh, come on! Plaid pants and horizontally striped shirt? Who designed this, anyway? And you call this a mop?
    It's only got two ratty old strands of grease infested... whatever that is....
    You got a shirt...think yourself lucky the girls are busy at the moment most mop boy's are luck if they get a thong or a mankini to wear.
    Or are you only looking at the bar cleaning uniform and haven't ventured into the bottom of the box yet...
    "Just goes to show - arseholes leave a bigger impression on our lives then nice people" - by Markus Tay

    Wales is not part of England Welshmen Born and Bred

    Brushlicker and proud of it. Its the only way to paint

  19. #39
    Official Freak Bar Witch wiccanpony's Avatar
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    think on it as "butt-cheeks-r-us"
    " So remember that, when they're beating your ass with a metal shovel while you're dressed as Little Bo Peep - it's not deviant...it's art.

  20. #40

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    Quote Originally Posted by War Griffon View Post
    You got a shirt...think yourself lucky the girls are busy at the moment most mop boy's are luck if they get a thong or a mankini to wear.
    Or are you only looking at the bar cleaning uniform and haven't ventured into the bottom of the box yet...
    I'm afraid of the bottom of the box.
    Nothing good ever comes from the bottom of the box.
    Don't believe me?
    Have you ever gotten a GOOD prize out of a Cracker Jack box?

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