DFB - I'm so sorry I just saw this. I was not feeling well and only now getting back up to par. But you have many friends here. I know that bleak feeling when you wonder how you can face tomorrow, your goals for the most part have suddenly changed or up and disappeared, and you're just absolutely lost.
But please, please don't feel like a failure. I know it's easy to say and hard to do - especially if the ex is turning the situation around in that direction.
From a woman's POV, it seems like many guys are willing to keep on trucking and not notice that the relationship is drifting farther apart. But as a gal who has gone through her share of rough spots - if a girl doesn't stand up and say something, smack some heads together if necessary, but just expects the guy to suddenly "osmosis" something is wrong and automatically do something about it...*snort* then she (pardon me for being blunt here) is an idiot.
You don't throw away 10 years! Walking away is the same thing as saying, nope too much work. Well, I got news for her - any relationship is WORK! Compromise my bleepin' behind! You work at relationships and if what you're trying doesn't solve the problem, you try something else, then something else, and you keep going, you keep working until you and your guy solve the problem.
While I honestly have no clue, just from your brief description, it sounds like someone thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It will be for a short time - then reality comes back to bite and it bites hard!
So, I'm terribly sorry DFB, I know you're hurting terribly and there's not much anyone can do to make that hurt go away. Just know you have friends here and you have people to talk to. I'll be here if you need to vent, rage, cry, or laugh like a crazy person. I'm only a PM away.
I hate that you have to go through this, but I have a feeling you've got a strength in you that will surprise you. I know you're probably thinking - well, where in the hell is it? It's there! Trust me on this!
Hang in there hun! BIG HUGS!!!!