Expat christmas blues
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  1. #1

    Default Expat christmas blues

    Any other expats on this forum that gets the Christmas blues? I moved to the US to be with my wife and Minnesota has nothing in common with Australia, the really hard thing is my wife insists that we spend every Christmas with her parents and they insist on doing nothing different or incorporating my traditions in any way. To make it worse the in laws like to get drunk and berate me when they arn't making me work around the house. Now that I think about it, just putting this here as my father in law goes on another rant about how scum immigrants are, forgetting that I am one, and I have no other way to express the deep pain I have right now. Thanks for reading guys, I really need some better friends here.

  2. #2


    Sorry to hear that. Hope you get some lovely Christmas gifts to help make up for the trauma
    Quote Originally Posted by A Luna View Post
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  3. #3


    Ah, the true meaning of Christmas- having to put up with your family.
    If I was an advice column guru, I'd tell you in a nice way to pony up and use passive aggressive phrases. But here seems a situation that calls for a bit more oomph. I'd start with getting your wife on your side and telling her what makes you uncomfortable. Maybe start early next year incorporating your traditions into the family. You gotta remember, Midwest Americans get really set in their ways. My Dad's motto is pretty much "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Then I remind him of the Japanese saying: "If you enjoy something you've never tried before, you live an extra day".
    Well, hope your family isn't driving you as crazy as mine! Merry Christmas!

  4. #4
    Brushlicker Milosh's Avatar
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    My favorite australian christmas tradition is that it is summer. I know it is your wifes family and all but they don't sound like the US folk I would hang with. Fight through it brother and maybe join them in getting drunk.

  5. #5


    sounds like a job for E. coli stick your hands down into the crack of your ass and use your fingers to stir their cocktails.

  6. #6


    My wife in true Canadian fashion would say "Just kill them with kindness (it makes them look even worse)". My in-laws used to have the same xenophobia (they are Maltese who have been living in Canada fro 25+ years) until I politely pointed out to them that only one of their seven kids married another Maltese person. They paled a little when they realized that their "strong Maltese family" had it's blood line severely diluted by moving to Canada and that all the grand kids who weren't from that one pure Maltese family looked and acted nothing like them. Give it time, every family is "renewed" and must create new traditions as older generations eventually become Christmas tree fertilizer...

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  7. #7


    Hi Wombat85,

    Sorry to hear that you're apparently having a dreadful time staying at your in-laws. I remember driving through Hobart, Tasmania years and years ago while out there touring with a blues band, and the drummer from the band we were sharing the bill with made the funny yet true comment that the snow on the surrounding mountains was as cold as your mother-in-laws kiss. I'd say just talk to your wife about it, and try and be magnanimous towards your wife's parents. Stuff 'em. If they want to be insensitive and shallow-minded about things that's their problem, not yours. You're better than that!! Maybe you can put a positive and humourous spin on things? I mean let's face it, this time next week you'll be outta there. Give 'em your love too. Love works wonders!!

  8. #8
    Superfreak!!! Dragonsreach's Avatar
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    Wombat, really sorry you have to put up with assholes as in laws. (BTDT)
    Regretfully there is no "Right Answer" to dealing with them, which would not hurt your wife.

    The only way to solve this, that I see, is to tell her you love her and it is because of that love you put up with what is fundamentally abuse.
    Sometimes family members are "too close to one another" to see how hurtful others are.

    Failing that just go all Croc Dundee on their Arses, or better still put on a fake Mexican accent when they make you do stuff around their house and keep mentioning the Immigration Service.

    By the way if they are not First Nations then perhaps they need to be reminded of this:-
    "...Give me your tired, your poor,
    your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
    the wretched masses of your teaming shore,
    send these, the homeless, tempest tos't to me,...."

    Immigrants all are their family.
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  9. #9


    I'd ask him what native American tribe he's from because, chances are, that he's also an immigrant. ..

  10. #10


    Thanks all. Sadly there is no win, I had tried in past years to address the issue, the problem is my wife has a law firm with her dad, so if I chime up she gets screamed at work about it, then she comes homes and screams at me. The bright spot is one of my sisters in law and my brother in law are good people who are nice to me. Was made to shovel for 2 hours first thing christmas morning while the father-in-law 'fixed some things inside', on the plus side I may just 'slide into him' during boot hockey and my sis in law (the shit one) may catch a high stick to the face, things are looking up already. Really helps to put shit like this out there to. Thanks again guys.

  11. #11
    Freak! Demihuman's Avatar
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    Well if nothing else you've made me appreciate my inlaws. They are wonderful folks. Maybe you should buy a snow blower, a BBQ and a Carrhart onesie. Just stay outside grilling and plowing! Plow the whole neighborhood and invite the neighbors over for BBQ.

    Also I'm with milosh, have a drink on them!

  12. #12


    Maybe have the family over to your house? Dad can help you clean the walk, and both aren't going to drink that heavily if they have to drive back home in this weather (5 inches of snow Christmas Eve, driving was not fun and riding in the back seat less so =) )
    "Yes, yes, yes. Woman are in awe of his manhood and men swoon in his wake. Truly he is a legend in his own mind."

  13. #13


    I mean we are all in our mid fifties him his visiting sis and myself Dad is 83 just us Whats the big deal?i

  14. #14
    Coffin Dodger / Keymaster airhead's Avatar
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    I'm not a psychiatrist, shrink or anything. Nor have I played one on TV, but you post sounds like holiday depression has set in pretty hard.

    Do something to cheer up - go out to dinner, a movie, call in pizza and get a red box movie. Something.
    The holiday is past so I assume you didn't go?
    A long talk with your family might be in order.
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  15. #15


    Thank you for that thats what i thought now she wants to pick me up from three hours away and go to San Fran for the day while my hubby works..not into it..third day of pressure in a row dont know these people dont want to go looking for a third excuse so depressed thanks though

  16. #16



    Recycle electrons? Hows that happen?
    Last edited by Carmilla; 12-28-2013 at 12:12 AM.

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