> GCSE examination
> -------------------------
>
> The following questions were set in last year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. )
>
> These are genuine answers (from 16 year old boys)
>
> (1)-----------Q. Name the four seasons
> A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
>
>
> (2)-----------Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
> A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists ....(Canoeists??)
>
>
> (3)-------------Q. How is dew formed
> A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
>
>
> (4)-------------Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
> A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All watertends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight
>
>
> (5)------------Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
> A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed
>
>
> (6)------------Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
> A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election
>
>
> (7)------------Q. What are steroids
> A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs .................... (Shoot yourself now ,there is little hope)
>
>
> (8)--------Q. What happens to your body as you age
> A.. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental .......... ( at ballistic speed!!!)
>
>
> (9)---------Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
> A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery .............. (So true)
>
>
> (10)-------Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
> A. Premature death
>
> (11)--------Q. What is artificial insemination
> A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow .............................. (Oh my Gawdt)
>
>
> (12)-------Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
> A. Keep it in the cow .................................................. ..........(Simple, but brilliant)
>
>
> (13)---------Q. How are the main parts of the body categorised (eg the abdomen)
> A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and
> the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains
> the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels:
> A,E,I,O and U .................................................. ..........(What the *!!*???)
>
>
> (14)----------Q. What is the fibula
> A. A small lie
>
>
> (15)---------Q. What does 'varicose' mean
> A. Nearby
>
>
> (16)--------------Q. What is the most common form of birth control
> A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium .(That would work)
>
>
> (17)----------Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
> A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome
>
>
> (18)------------Q. What is a seizure
> A. A Roman Emperor .(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)
>
>
> (19)-----------Q. What is a terminal illness
> A. When you are sick at the airport .(Irrefutable)
>
>
> (20)--------Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature
> A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas
>
>
> (21)-------Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning
> A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face .........................(OMG)
>
>
> (22)----------Q. What does the word 'benign' mean
> A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
>
>
> (23)-----------Q. What is a turbine
> A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head
>
Brushlicker and proud of it. Its the only way to paint
Linear Mode
