My red fish has died ...

[frenchkid]

Well no not really I don\'t have a red fish. But if I did I\'m sure most people wouldn\'t care.
I know I just got back and all, but can\'t help but notice all the *** is dead threads. And to be frank ( and to pass of as the insensitive asshole for once) I\'ll say I don\'t really see what they are doing on CMON. Now I know the general area is not a mini realted part of the forum. But it does saden me a bit to see it turned into a psychological sentimental help forum. Especially since most of the time all the \'sorryness\' we can expresse is purly curtesy since we don\'t know the personne who unfortunatly passed away.


there now you an go on a lynch me. :innocent:

 

[Dragonsreach]

Arthur :
There\'s a hell of a difference between losing a parent and losing a fish (imagined or real).

Some of us needed to try to express our loss and to come to terms with never seeing our Mother\'s (or Fathers) again.

I sincerely hope you are not in the terrible position that quite a few of us have been in this year, for a very long time. Because there are times when the feeling of helplessness at what has happened is overwhelming.

To be honest my respect for you has taken a downward swing with this tactless and somewhat hurtful thread.



EDIT: I was tempted to close this thread immediatley, but I\'m leaving it open in the hope that some people will express their dissatisfaction with you.

 

[Tony Manero]

yes i found this a really harsh thing to say. It\'s always nice to finde people helping you in bad times and we must do the best to help them. Yes we don\'t know the person who passed away but the courtesy and the mourning is always spontaneous if you have some humanity. I\'m sorry but i\'ll not consider you a good person anymore.

I lost my grandma recently and many person here in cmon made me smile again.

 

[james sequeira]

Its nice to know and let people know.You are think of them and them of you

 

[krom1415]

Bad and insensitive thread frenchkid, and I was warming to your charactor.

( EDIT: this is not a personal attack, although you were indeed the author, it is a expression of my frustration at people in general that think its Ok to think like this)

You obviously have not had any loss in your small world yet, but its coming and, nothing can protect you from the utter despair you will experience.
I think an appology would be a quick way of solving this problem before it indeed gets out of hand. Ask your parents about loss, I\'m sure its touched them, as it does all of us.

 

[Modderrhu]

Arthur, one day you will be able to empathise, and when that day comes, it\'ll be hell hard to hear people say they don\'t care, or to ask you to take your grief elsewhere. Hopefully age will mellow you out by then. I can\'t say that I\'ve lost any respect for you, or anything like that - that would be a lie, because; I realise where I was once too. Mellow out, man, no-one here is a robot.

CMON has been likened to a family sometimes, and while I disagree with the closeness that the word \"family\" implies, we are quite able to be more than just points of light forming words behind a cold, glass monitor.

 

[supervike]

Whoa whoa...

Lets not be too harsh on FrenchKid....


When someone passes along a \'famous\' person as dying thread, I can see where those threads get a bit old....I mean what do you say to them? Is it disrespectful to hijack the thread....anymore disrespectful than hijacking ANY thread? They are just news, and FYI things at the most....

BUT...in a personal thread, one where the posters relative or friend has passes....those are a bit different. This is a community of people, and real life effects much of what is said and discussed here. Heck, I know that I would tell you people (most who are basically strangers to me...) more than I would people I know in real life. I agree, it is a bit like a family here....maybe dysfunctional, but still a family. Sharing info like that to the community can be an important way of grieving...

Lets not crucify poor Arthur....

 

[Zora]

Wow.

I went directly from the \"my mom\" thread to this one.

From teary-eyed sympathy to downright anger in less than 30 seconds.

Arthur, this IS a dysfunctional family here at CMON, so let me say this: If I get a chance to meet you I\'ll treat you like a dysfunctional younger brother, and smack you in the back of the head, give you a kick in the back of your pants, and hold you down and noogie your head \'til you cry UNCLE and apologize.

Remember that people here consider each other \"friends\", even if only in the virtual sense. Have some common sense and empathize with their situation.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Supervike: I understand what you are saying about the \"Famous People\" having died threads. Yes it\'s a loss of someone whom we might have respected and admired, and there is a distance to it.

But unfortunatly this thread follows just too close to the \"My Mom\" thread and is in essence insulting the loss that Desert Dragon and Onis Lair shared with us.

Having lost my mother 6 months ago I understand all too well what they are feeling. I tried to be polite in my response to Arthur, but I was angered on behalf of Desert Dragon and Onis Lair and deeply hurt by what I consider to be his insensitive comments.




[size=-2](Jim: friendly disagreement with you not a rant).[/size]

 

[lono]

Although I am not the sort of person who would post in any of the \'dead threads\' (as frenchkid so nicely put it) because I don\'t know the people that well I show respect by remaining silent rather than opening up with a rant.

Perhaps if I had been on these forums as long as others, and knew the people involved better I might respond because you share these things with your friends. It strikes me as odd that someone who is clearly very involved with the CMON community would feel this way. Just avoid the threads and show some tact. Being the bad guy with regards to things like this isn’t clever and it is nothing to be as blasé as you are about.

I do however question the moderator logic of leaving the thread open Dragonsreach. I don\'t want to sound troublesome, but in this situation I think leaving the tread here so others can express their dissatisfaction is so wrong, if for no other reason than the possible reaction that someone like desertdragon may have to it, particularly in these no doubt very tough times for him, and the way that could escalate and cause trouble for more than one person.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Lono@
I\'m in a more than Catch 22 situation here. Damned if I leave it open and damned for circumscribing free speech if I don\'t.

 

[Bastetcat]

Originally posted by frenchkid
Well no not really I don\'t have a red fish. But if I did I\'m sure most people wouldn\'t care.
I know I just got back and all, but can\'t help but notice all the *** is dead threads. And to be frank ( and to pass of as the insensitive asshole for once) I\'ll say I don\'t really see what they are doing on CMON. Now I know the general area is not a mini realted part of the forum. But it does saden me a bit to see it turned into a psychological sentimental help forum. Especially since most of the time all the \'sorryness\' we can expresse is purly curtesy since we don\'t know the personne who unfortunatly passed away.


there now you an go on a lynch me. :innocent:

oooo, someone needs a hug...

In all seriousness, everyone reacts to the grief of losing a loved one in a different way. If someone can gain even a little heart ease from sympathy expressed here, would you begrudge them? I don\'t think you would.

 

[Arjay]

I would have thought similarly to Frenchkid once upon a time - what\'s the point in bringing up something like the death of a loved one in a public space when a lot of the responses are going to be meaningless platitudes. Then back in 2004 my Dad passed away and when I was at my lowest I received an e-mail from Emanuele (Poupee Canope) expressing his condolences, it helped more than I could have imagined. I think sometimes genuine sorrow expressed by someone with no connection to the event helps more than anything else...

And as someone else has already said - don\'t be too harsh on him, he\'ll unfortunately learn all too soon...

 

[SebastianRushworth]

I think it\'s fair to say that all of us who have been here a while have made a lot of friends on these forums, and I don\'t think it\'s the least bit strange to want to talk about powerful personal events with your friends, whether it\'s getting married, divorced, having a family member die or a new family member be born. I\'m glad people feel they can talk about such personal subjects here, it\'s one of the things that really makes this place feel familiar and welcoming, and bonds us as a group.

 

[Duende]

Well spoken Sebastian. I couldn\'t have put it any more succiently.

I usually don\'t post in the \"someone has died\" threads, since I feel sorry for the person, but I really don\'t know what to say. Personally, I\'ve never lost anyone close in my family yet. The only family members I\'ve lost are ones I was never very close to. The closest I can come is hearing about how my beloved horse had to be put down two days after I sold her (I was going off to college and couldn\'t afford her anymore). But they don\'t have funerals and family gatherings for pets (usually), so what can I offer?

There has been one thing I\'ve wondered about, and since this thread has already flared up a few tempers, I may as well throw another log on....
One of my aunts that passed away (this was about 15 yrs ago), but while she was alive, I kept overhearing gossip about what a hateful person she was, always bossy, mean to her husband and kids, etc., etc.
Later she was diagnosed with breast cancer and died of it. Afterwards, everybody practically made her out to be a saint. Bibles in the church were dedicated to her, and so on. Maybe, since I was a kid at the time, she had some kind of epiphany or turnabout during her illness that nobody informed me of. But it just always felt weird to me that a woman who was thought to be so awful in life, was so idealized after her death.

Thoughts on this? Or maybe did I just answer my own question?
???

 

[Drake Farstrider]

When my Grandmother passed away, I was hurt, I felt a deep loss. The condolences and well wishes that I got from my co-workers, and close friends, who by the way did not know her, helped a lot more than I would of thought.

So when I read this thread I was disturbed by your apparent lack of humanity. Grow up Arthur! Even if you honestly feel that way, and I would be willing to bet that deep down you really don\'t. Why be an asshole a post it for the world to see?

I am all about freedom of speech, but there are times when one needs to bite their tongue and Arthur this was one of those times when you should of bitten your tongue.

 

[airhead]

Arthur, you have the power to delete this entire thread, your call. Personally I find your comments tactless and immature. But I remember being young & immortal with the world at your command.

But within four years of graduating high school, most of my old high school friends were dead (mostly fast cars or drugs or both). Most of them I only heard about after the funerals because I was in some other country working.

And I have met several members of CMON and call some of them friends. I feel honored that they would let me into their lives enough to share in their grief. I also post on a few other forums, but CMON is almost home for me.

Many years from now, I hope that my Wife will post my passing on these forums for my friends to mourn and celibrate.

@Duende - I had an aunt like that. My brother came from her funeral and called me. I\'ll never forget his words: \"I want people to cry at my funeral.\" She did truely reap what she had sown.

 

[cdukino]

I personally did find the timing of this thread rather unfortunate (and probably would find it that anytime), making it rather akward or even downright painfull. I have to admit reading about famous people who have died who have absolutely nothing in common with anything that goes on in miniature world a bit... out of place. I simply skip those... no harm done.

But when it comes to personal losses, eventhough I might personally not know the person who passed away, or even know the person expressing his loss and grief, it\'s a different matter. If the person who suffered the loss is helped by it... by all means as far as I\'m concerned...post here. Any help with mourning is good. And I would definatly not discourage that. It\'s my choice to read the thread or not.

This might sound a bit wierd comming from the girl who never responds to threads about loved ones passing away (as i read most of them). It\'s not that I don\'t symphatise... I\'m just terribly horrible in responding. I tend to choke up, not know what to say, and fear to say the wrong thing.

I try to avoid funerals for the same reason. I\'m rather sensitive and always choke and start crying... I don\'t mean to, but seeing friends in pain , like a good friend who lost his father, whom I barely knew. I try to keep it in but I can\'t. And I felt akward when said friend came to comfort me as I couldn\'t shut the floodgates no matter what. I should have been there for him, I felt rather guilty eventhough he did not seem to have minded.

So basically I just feel for the person and wish him/her strenght from the bottom of my heart, maybe not usefull when not spoken aloud... But I mean well. And wether people find this kind of posts belonging on the forum or not... the possitive energy it might give, the support to the person sharing his grief is more then enough to forget any objections some might have... What is the \"stress\" people might get from \"having to read/skip\" those threads compared to the help it can bring to a forummember in distress? Nothing I say.

I personally would have closed this thread as moderator instantly and pm-ed Frenchkid.

 

[Dammekkos2]

Originally posted by Duende

I usually don\'t post in the \"someone has died\" threads,...

Me too.

These threads are still ok, \'cos it means something to the person that writes them. I find the \"Random celebrity has died\" threads endlessly annoying though. Only on CMON does this happen. I don\'t know why. This place is too, errr, like that for me sometimes. Having said that though, a nice forum is better than a nasty one. CMON is good, but a bit too PC for me sometimes (PC isn\'t exactly the word I\'m looking for. Maybe \"girly\" would be better? But too un-PC for here [irony smilie!] I believe I\'ve had this rant before , so I\'ll leave it there. CMON is still great for me).

I think this thread should go. That\'s saying something, I\'m not usually into censorship, but this is a bad time for the person whose mother has died to be reading this shit.

 

[tooshy]

Timing is everything.....

I think the problem with this thread is all down to timing.... On the one hand I can understand where Frenchkid is coming from - I personally wouldn\'t \'advertise\' the death of a loved one on CMON for many reasons.

I\'ve been here a long time and I\'ve made good friends with people here and have met a lot of others. BUT....for me, the death of a loved one is too personal for me to share with everyone here. Sharing good news is a completely different matter and something that should be celebrated with everyone.

I do, however, respect those people who do choose to share these very personal and difficult events, but please do not lynch someone who chooses not to participate and maybe picked the wrong time to share an opinion about it all.