My red fish has died ...

[Ebonbuddha]

Well I can see why you posted it. Thats why I stop doing the wierd news. It got people talking. But it also got really boring to post.

Then again. I don\'t come to the site much anymore anyway. seems like all everyone wants to do is be offended and pad their post count. But then again, that just my opinion. I could be wrong.

But I\'m not.

Originally posted by frenchkid
Well no not really I don\'t have a red fish. But if I did I\'m sure most people wouldn\'t care.
I know I just got back and all, but can\'t help but notice all the *** is dead threads. And to be frank ( and to pass of as the insensitive asshole for once) I\'ll say I don\'t really see what they are doing on CMON. Now I know the general area is not a mini realted part of the forum. But it does saden me a bit to see it turned into a psychological sentimental help forum. Especially since most of the time all the \'sorryness\' we can expresse is purly curtesy since we don\'t know the personne who unfortunatly passed away.


there now you an go on a lynch me. :innocent:

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Ebonbuddha

...I could be wrong.

But I\'m not.

Can\'t fault you lol

 

[Orb]

regarding the \"obscure celebrity has died\" threads, being someone who has posted one, I think that the vast majority of these are posted as news, and also posted because they are related to the people here.

For example, the current one on a fantasy author; linked to us. The one I posted about the Pink Floyd creator; if you look at any \"what\'s your fave music\" type threads, it\'s relevent to some folks here. Some of you guys who say you don\'t post in those threads actually do. But I guess we\'re such a cross section of people on a day to day level of life that there\'s links to many of us.......

Regarding the \"close friend/relative\" has died threads; I personally find it hard to know what to type. If I actually know the person affected, then I feel able to say something, but it\'s all down to choice in the end.

There are folks on here I know personally, speak offline to, have drunk with etc. I have made friends for life with folks from other forums, got totally pissed with, put the world to rights.......:beer::beer: and I know there\'s a few on here that if I ever met we\'d probably go down the same path :drunk:

CMON is probably fairly unique in that here all sorts of things are discussed and
something always hits a chord somewhere.......and long may it continue

 

[Infidel Castro]

Orb, good call.

About the celeb lark, yeah there are some that can be considered as crossing the divide and meaning something to a lot of folks. Sometimes though they are ridiculously vague.

Still, we\'ve got a good spot here, so let\'s not worry about it.

 

[Dammekkos2]

Originally posted by reverend
Orb, good call.

About the celeb lark, yeah there are some that can be considered as crossing the divide and meaning something to a lot of folks. Sometimes though they are ridiculously vague.

Still, we\'ve got a good spot here, so let\'s not worry about it.

Yup, my feelings exactly. Crazy Diamond dying was definately news, \"first black scuba guy\" dying wasn\'t (imho). I stand by my statement though - no other forum I visit has weekly obituary threads, CMON didn\'t a few years back either, I\'m not entirely sure why there are so many these days.

 

[Infidel Castro]

Because we all feel each other\'s pain, maaaan! lol

It is a trend that I find peculiar and not exactly welcome in all its guises.

Do you think we\'ve run out of subjects? Maybe all the big stuff has been dealt with (or at least we\'ve all put our opinions and stand points across and agreed to disagree on them). With all that stuff done and dusted we have left a void that requires filling and perhaps we\'ve filled it up with sentiment and shared grief

 

[frenchkid]

Well, I\'v been on CMON to know I had it coming. So I\'ll try to take on things at a time, should have read the answers pen and paper in hand to make sure I didn\'t leave anything out, but I\'ll have to do with memory.

Now regarding the lack of sensitivity of the post, I\'ll say that you have the enterily the right to blame me. I\'m not the sort to abide by PC or going out of my way not to hurt somones\' feelings, if you want to consider it a flaw and blame me for it go ahead I won\'t say you\'re wrong.
But please don\'t make any hypothesis on my life based on my post. I\'ve lost quit a few people and probably more then most people of my age, because of sport realated accidents or alcool or ol age. Now I can understand the need to have people conforting you, i can understand the need to share grief. What I can\'t understand is the need to publicly advertise the death of a loved one to a mass of strangers who didn\'t know said person and will only be able to offer unsincere condolences. I don\'t want to have to come here every day to here about relatives\'death. I truly don\'t believe this forum needs this, or is an appropriat place for such annoucement. Those post seem more like a need to have people pity you then a need to have people share your grief ( which in my opinion they can hardly do).

Regarding the fish part, I was refering to the famous ( or not so famous) actor threads which I just find anoying. Death isn\'t somthing to be paraded around, soon we\'ll be seeing photo of corps just because they where famous. Leave those folks alone, you don\'t know them and I don\'t think their death should be treated as an \'interesting\' fact.

For the insensitivty that some have accused me of. Go ahead have fun. Truth is you don\'t know me, and have no idea of how much time I have spent doing humanitarian actions or local actions to help people who truly need it. If your feeling of helping out is offering unsincere sorrows then so be it, but don\'t excpect other people to feel like you.

For those of you who have lost all respect for me because I brought up a subject that needed attention, to bad. I won\'t take it as a loss since I bleive that beeing able to speak your mind is one of the fundamental freedoms. If you can\'t bear to let people express feeling on such trivial subject as thread posting then I find that very sad. And because of that, and because the subject seems to need some attention, I will not deleat the subject.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Originally posted by finn18
To my mind, it is the ability of the CMON community to discuss difficult and challenging issues that makes this site special and a place where people feel they can share their innermost thoughts and feelings.
Which sums up why I needed a place to express my feeling when my mother died earlier this year. I had no desire to talk to a grief counselor, the cold professionalism left me feeling as if I was just another number.
The feeling of helplessness as I saw the deterioration in my mothers condition, left me with \"Survivor guilt\". I wish I could have done more to help her .
Posting a thread about her life and her passing, on here helped me a great deal, because there were and are people who have gone through the same loss.

If the mods were to close threads whenever a difficult topic came up, as they do on most sites, I feel we would ultimately lose something as a community. A community is easy to maintain in the easy times, it\'s weathering the hard times that forms the real cement. I can think of no harder thing to have to weather than the loss of a loved one. Hope that makes sense to everyone? It does Steve, Thank you.

Originally by Frenchkid
I won\'t take it as a loss since I bleive that beeing able to speak your mind is one of the fundamental freedoms.

Arthur: I was incredibly angry at you last night. I am still angry at what I consider to be your incredible lack of consideration. Your fundamental right to speak your mind is shown, and continues here. However, had you waited and raised this issue later, then I would have given you a more thoughtful and less angered response.

When I replied, I invited people to tell you what they thought. I stand by that decision.

You tell us that you have lost a lot of friends, I\'m sorry to hear that. I too have lost friends and colleagues over the years, some taken far too early.

For my part I always felt inadequate in trying to express my condolences to someone who has lost a friend or relative, I always thought that I sounded hollow to them. Having been on the receiving end of those words I can tell you that they do help.

So in response to your words about the fundamental right to speak, I say:- For those who are grieving the loss of a loved one and need to share the sense of pain, feel free to continue to write. I will always spend the time to listen and try to comfort as much as I am able.

 

[Thecadian]

i also find it hard to find the words to help someone who has lost someone near to them.I do think that i am extremly lucky in my lifetime i have not lost anyone who is extremly close to me.However i know that day will come at some point and i think that having someone even if they are thousands of miles away saying that they are with me in this matter will be a help and a support.

we should all help each other.I dont think were a \'family\' more a group of friends.And friends should help each other

james

 

[Klute]

The problem I have with the situation, both here and in general life, is that I always feel as if I am being forced to sympathise.
One of the main bugbears I have are bunches of flowers by the roadside. I don\'t understand why it\'s done. Surely flowers are placed on graves and not the scene of accidents. The only reason I can think of is that the person who places them wants more people to see them and sympathise.

And what happened to a minutes silence. ?
We now have to sit for 3 minutes for womanising drunken ex footballers who pickle thier transplanted livers that could have gone to good use elsewhere. Bloody good riddance I say.

I also blame the media. Its all death death death on the tv and in the papers. Never anything happy on the front page is there. ???

 

[supervike]

I\'ve thought these roadside memorials were just a local phenomena....but it sounds like they are everywhere. I don\'t rightly understand the people who do such a thing, and lets hope I never have to be put in their position, but I agree that is not the proper place for a memorial.

First off, they are a hazard to drivers who crane their necks to read it as they drive by. Secondly, do we put memorials up WHEREVER someone dies? In a hospital room? In the back yard? I mean where does it stop?
Third off....Jewish and Muslim people must be better drivers....all I see are crosses.

 

[Hieronymus]

I had seen on television at one point some crosses along a roadside in the mountains of Italy where there had been fatal accidents. It seemed at the time to be an outpouring of grief and a warning to drive safely at the same time. Sort of a \"here, but for the grace of hydroplaning, go I\" sentiment. The sidewalk shrines in the US seem to be more widespread because of the Columbine shooting in Colorado. That affected so many people profoundly that they felt a strong need to be part of the public mourning process. By adding flowers and teddy bears to the shrine, people felt part of the community of sadness that developed from the incident. It really isn\'t much different from wearing a black arm band oranother outward sign of mourning, it\'s just that strangers are forced to contend with it as well. And at what point are these shrines to be disassembled? Yaers ago, everyone knew eachother in neighborhoods and one family\'s loss was shared by all. Now, people who live on the same floor of a building don\'t even talk to eachother. Maybe these shrines are a way to make the community acknowledge loss.

 

[desertdragon1964]

Well all I can say is thank you for your inputs,sympathy,caring and even brashness in some cases.Mike my personal condolances for your loss within the last year hope things are going well for you.Steve your right if we closed everything just because someone disagreed with it we would have nothing to talk about.Arthur though I may not agree with the level of unsympathy you have shown it is your right in all things to express your opinions and veiws so dont let anyone take that away from you now or ever.Hell if you think about it isn\'t that what these forums have come to be about from time to time,freedom of expression.DD

 

[Dammekkos2]

Originally posted by Klute


And what happened to a minutes silence. ?
We now have to sit for 3 minutes for womanising drunken ex footballers who pickle thier transplanted livers that could have gone to good use elsewhere. Bloody good riddance I say.

I also blame the media. Its all death death death on the tv and in the papers. Never anything happy on the front page is there. ???

Again, I am forced to agree. I was in the library the other day, sitting at a computer, the librarian walked into the centre of the room and said \"We are now holding a two minute silence to remember the victims of the London tube bombings.\"

Several things jumped to mind-

-Why 2 minutes? Is one not long enough anymore? Will it soon be 3 (as your post suggests), then 4, then 1/4 hour silences?
-Will we do this next year, then the year after? Or will we have forgotten it by then?
-What about other disasters? The Madrid train bombings - did we hold a minute (or 2, or 3, or 99) for them guys?

I respected the silence of course, but I couldn\'t help feeling like a fraud. It\'s today\'s modern society. I suppose there\'s no getting away from it. It\'s all a bit too fake for me though. I guess we can air our concerns in the cyber society though, like some of us are doing in this thread.

I\'m not sure how the rest of the people in the library felt about this, and I\'m not saying there isn\'t a place for this type of sentiment, but I think it really devalues the memory of the millions that died in WWI when the 50 London tube victims get twice the amount of respect because people like Oprah say we should live like this nowadays. I sometimes think I\'m just a cynical bastard, but it\'s nice to know that other people see it the same way as me.

 

[johnboyjjb]

Originally posted by Klute
I also blame the media. Its all death death death on the tv and in the papers. Never anything happy on the front page is there. ???

Just for Klute

 

[desertdragon1964]

Originally posted by johnboyjjb
Just for Klute

what has this got to do with anything in this thread? Just wondering.DD:drunk:

 

[Bastetcat]

Since I\'m seeing it coming up over and over again, I\'d like to expand on what I said earlier:

I work around death nearly every day. I\'m an ICU nurse in a busy trauma center. I have seen the range of responses to the death of loved ones range from a simple bowing of the head to people screaming and smashing their heads on the floor hard enough to bleed. Each extreme is offended by the other.

The quiet ones are appalled at the \"excessive public displays\" of the lamentators. They resent being forced to participate in someone else\'s private life. The lamentators are repulsed by the lack of respect for the dead or the callousness of the quiet ones. They feel it shows a certain shallowness or emotional immaturity. I have no idea if one way is \"healthier\" than the other.

I\'m more quiet. I do not share my private griefs or triumphs with aquaintances. Public displays of grief make me uncomfortable and awkward. However, as my role as a nurse, I have to \"get over it\" and provide compassion for strangers. I\'m not saying that anyone here need feel obliged to offer sympathy to a \"stranger\" here, or anywhere else for that matter. You will probably never see me reply to someone\'s grief topic here. Just don\'t let it bother you if someone else needs a public shoulder to lean on in hard times. Skip the thread and go paint a mini instead!

 

[supervike]

Originally posted by desertdragon1964

Originally posted by johnboyjjb
Just for Klute

what has this got to do with anything in this thread? Just wondering.DD:drunk:

I think his point was one countering Klutes point that the media is obsessed with sad, depressing news.

Thus the link to HAPPY NEWS.com...

clever really.

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Bastetcat
Since I\'m seeing it coming up over and over again, I\'d like to expand on what I said earlier:

I work around death nearly every day. I\'m an ICU nurse in a busy trauma center. I have seen the range of responses to the death of loved ones range from a simple bowing of the head to people screaming and smashing their heads on the floor hard enough to bleed. Each extreme is offended by the other.

The quiet ones are appalled at the \"excessive public displays\" of the lamentators. They resent being forced to participate in someone else\'s private life. The lamentators are repulsed by the lack of respect for the dead or the callousness of the quiet ones. They feel it shows a certain shallowness or emotional immaturity. I have no idea if one way is \"healthier\" than the other.

I\'m more quiet. I do not share my private griefs or triumphs with aquaintances. Public displays of grief make me uncomfortable and awkward. However, as my role as a nurse, I have to \"get over it\" and provide compassion for strangers. I\'m not saying that anyone here need feel obliged to offer sympathy to a \"stranger\" here, or anywhere else for that matter. You will probably never see me reply to someone\'s grief topic here. Just don\'t let it bother you if someone else needs a public shoulder to lean on in hard times. Skip the thread and go paint a mini instead!

Apart from the bit about painting at the end, that was probably the best view I\'ve read on the matter. Got to say, you hit the nail square on the head for me.

Opinions tend to be polarised and it\'s difficult to marry one end of the spectrum to the other wiithout seeing fireworks.

 

[desertdragon1964]

Originally posted by supervike

Originally posted by desertdragon1964

Originally posted by johnboyjjb
Just for Klute

what has this got to do with anything in this thread? Just wondering.DD:drunk:

I think his point was one countering Klutes point that the media is obsessed with sad, depressing news.

Thus the link to HAPPY NEWS.com...

clever really.

I think I understand now.I went back to painting last night it seemed to relax my mind a little,I\'LL do some more today and maybe a little tomorro etc. etc. etc.DD:]