Well, Liz left one, so here\'s one I like

[DaN]

Can\'t remember where I read it, but I can see it happening...


I have a big dog & I was buying a large bag of Winalot Biscuits in Tesco & was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn\'t because I\'d ended up in hospital last time, but I\'d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices & IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet & the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets & simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I\'d ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I\'d been sitting in the road licking my balls & a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Stupid cow... Why else would I buy dog food??

 

[Shawn R. L.]

HAAAA!! GREAT punch line.

Had a similar experience. Went into a frame shop to see if I could simply purchase an uncut length of framing material. The store guy ask\'s what I\'m going to do with it. Instantly deduced what an odd question so I told him I was going to build a bike out of it. He failed to see the humor.lol

 

[lizcam]

 

[tidoco2222]

It is like the age old one, where you walk into a shop dripping wet through and someone always asks you \"Is it raining outside\".

 

[james sequeira]

Lee evans covers some really funny ones in his acts, best has to be the air port ones.

 

[Zora]

\"Here\'s your sign.\"

 

[Dragon Forge Design]

I was painting my bedroom so I went to Home Depot to buy paint, I chose a dark blue color. At the check out the lady said wow thats a really nice blue , you must really like blue.. To which I replied no I really hate it, but I thought it would help me wake up in the morning and get out of bed..

She looked at me and said, WOW! do you think it would really work..cause I really hate Orange... which is strange because Orange is Home Depots Identity Color.

I responded \"I bet it would..\"

To this day I wonder if she painted her bedroom Orange or not.. lol

 

[vincenti]

THATS A CRACKER !!!! lol :flip: :bouncy: lol
GOD BLESS ............VINCENTI

 

[Ebonbuddha]

There are a lot of reasons you would buy dog food and not have a dog :

1) Maybe you were buying it for a family member’s dog.

2) Maybe you were buying it to help out a busy neighbor.

3) Maybe someone is sick and can’t get to the store.

4) Maybe someone left the animal with you while they were away and you ran out of food…

5) Maybe you were doing it for a pet food drive.
Look here.

Originally posted by DaN
Stupid cow... Why else would I buy dog food??

 

[wiccanpony]

lollol Could you imagine the conversation if he was buying kotex.


those pads were just the thing to use when a horse came up with a nasty gash on legs, by the way

 

[DaN]

@ Ebon

It\'s just something you can see happening - like the one where someone parks in a disabled space...

 

[Ebonbuddha]

Why roll your eyes? I think the woman got treated badly for no reason.

Originally posted by DaN
@ Ebon

It\'s just something you can see happening - like the one where someone parks in a disabled space...

 

[DaN]

Cos it\'s a joke

 

[Ebonbuddha]

Sorry. I didn\'t think it was funny.

Originally posted by DaN
Cos it\'s a joke

 

[DaN]

Fair enough

Just so you know, it wasn\'t something that HAD actually happened personally TO me EB

(After reading your original reply it seemed that was the way you\'d taken it)

 

[BarstoolProphet]

This reminds me of a time when I was a disc jockey, back in the late 80\'s, early 90\'s.

I was working at a bar, spinning the platters (yes, actual records as well as tapes and CD\'s), and someone actually requested \'Eternal Flame\' by the Bangles. Feeling charitable, I put the song on. I had the single 45, but I forgot to change the speed on the turntable, so it started playing at 33. I left it alone, because changing the speed mid-tune is just poor form.

Oddly enough, it sounded pretty good, despite being at the wrong speed. The lady that requested it came back over to me and asked me who sings this version of it.

\"Oh,\" I replied. \"This is the REAL Bangles. Y\'see, the band is actually a group of hideously ugly men that could never be shown on television in their videos. You hear the lead singer\'s lisp? They discovered completely by accident that if they sped it all up, the lisp sounded perfectly normal, and he sounded like a good alto singer. So, they hired on a bunch of good looking women with zero musical talent to do the videos. Kind of like the Milli Vanilli thing.\"

She was duly impressed by my \'knowledge\', and said it was very sad that the music industry had gotten so superficial over the years.

So far as I know, she still believes my story.

 

[rextalon]

Along the same lines as the Original Poster...

I was recently taking a road trip around the Olympic mountain range to go hiking. I stopped twice along the way, once to eat and once to get gas.

While I was stopped at the restaurant I noticed they had a stack of Friskies cat food cans 5 feet high. A few fleeting thoughts went through my head like, \"wow, I\'m glad I didn\'t order a hamburger... Who know\'s what it\'s made of...\" But I finished my meal without asking the staff why they had sooo much catfood.

Then I came to the gas station and right as I\'m leaving I notice they also had a 4 foot stack of the same brand of cat food. I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to the woman at the register.
\"Ma\'am, that\'s the second time I\'ve seen a HUGE stack of that same brand of cat food, but I have yet to spot an actual cat. Exactly what kind of weird cat-death-cult activity are you into?\"
She had a good laugh and informed me that it\'s actually used as shrimp bait.

So, OP... Before you jump to conclusions about pet food, ask. Maybe the clerk assumed you might be using the dogfood for cult activity and just really wanted to join up.

 

[Queenoftheunifrogs]

lol
she could just have thought you were a pet food taster...i saw one on the news once....apparently its good money.


saying that my next door neighbour used to eat cat biscuits because she liked them though....

 

[Ebonbuddha]

Sorry. I did think you were making fun of the woman. Then I read the thread from hottie MILF...er...Lizcam.

I owe you a pint.

Originally posted by DaN
Fair enough

Just so you know, it wasn\'t something that HAD actually happened personally TO me EB

(After reading your original reply it seemed that was the way you\'d taken it)

 

[Dragonsreach]

War Griffon can testify to the truth of this as he has met the person involved.

At our local GW we have a young girl who is totally gullible and I mean TOTALLY.

So Our manager, who has a wicked sense of humour, told her that back in 1982, during the Falklands War, the Royal Marine Commandos were surgically adapted to have Webbed Feet to allow them to swim ashore silently.
So she\'s going \"Like no way\" and the manager points to me an says \"Ask Mike cos his mate Paul\'s an ex-marine and he\'ll confirm it\".
Me, being an evil git agree\'s with the manager and confirms his story.
So I tell my mate Paul who\'s always up for a \"wind up\" and sure enough the next time we\'re in the store together she come up and asks Paul.
Now he goes all \"Who Told You That? It\'s Top Secret! No-one is supposed to know about that! It was an early attempt at Gene-splicing and didn\'t quite work\"
So she\'s all big eyes and dropped jaw, completely believing him and totally hooked.
So Paul adds to it by saying \" Trouble is as I said it didn\'t quite work and every so often when a Marine gets upset we go \'Quaaaaack\'.
By now no only has she fallen for it hook line and sinker but I\'m keeping a straight face and telling her that as she\'s now been let into a \"State Secret\" she\'ll have to sign up to the Agreemant to maintain the Official Secrets Act.
She goes off in shocked \"Oh My God\" mode, and we wait about 5 minutes after she\'s left the store before everyone is falling about p*ss*ing ourselves laughing.
Of course when she came back in about 20 minutes later non of us could keep a straight face, and boy did she give us some grief.

Wicked Yes but so much fun. Bless Her.