Women
- Thread starter Bill
- Start date
nightsword
New member
I removed the battered woman ones for you Wiccanpony, I don\'t want to offend anyone 
Though, my tiny penis took quite a battering from you (That should make up for it, I insulted myself, and made an innuendo... te he).
Though, my tiny penis took quite a battering from you
(That should make up for it, I insulted myself, and made an innuendo... te he).
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
Originally posted by nightsword
I removed the battered woman ones for you Wiccanpony, I don\'t want to offend anyone
Though, my tiny penis took quite a battering from you
:beer: Thank you nightsword...it takes a \"big\" penis......ah .....I mean Man....... to show sensitivity
lolnightsword
New member
Thanks Wiccanpony, just a shame my ex doesn\'t appreciate it...
:evil:
:evil:
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:twisted: but not before you pull mop boy duties first
nightsword
New member
I\'m sorry... what\'s a mop ??? I don\'t know, I\'m a guy you see. My dad always told me not to get involved with things that are girly... lol
WOMEN ARE LIKE...
...the stock market
They\'re irrational and can bankrupt you if you\'re not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you\'ve already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don\'t feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They\'re always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They\'re annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you\'ll get depressed and drink a lot.
(lifeisajoke.com - there\'s some good guy one\'s on there too... but i\'m not going to post \'em)
WOMEN ARE LIKE...
...the stock market
They\'re irrational and can bankrupt you if you\'re not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you\'ve already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don\'t feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They\'re always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They\'re annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you\'ll get depressed and drink a lot.
(lifeisajoke.com - there\'s some good guy one\'s on there too... but i\'m not going to post \'em
)Bigdennis52
New member
Originally posted by wiccanpony
So, you come pre-trained? lol
Bigdennis52
New member
sorry that one was low, all in good fun I hope... the \"Men\" thread really gives us a bashing
nightsword some of your stuff is pretty funny
nightsword some of your stuff is pretty funny
AinuLainour
New member
Why can\'t Helen Keller drive?
She\'s a woman.
(it\'s funnier in present tense)
You can just edit your post next time and save a bit of bandwidth.
She\'s a woman.
(it\'s funnier in present tense
)You can just edit your post next time and save a bit of bandwidth.
leopardpixie
New member
O come now, this is all fun and games, if you want to dish it out, you need to expect something in return.
Roger Bunting
New member
[/quote]
Okay, I know you already said that was a bit low but the original comment linking \"trained\" to battered is really distaseful.
nightsword
New member
Some?
Women are easy targets
But let\'s just stick to the generic verbal woman bashing, like this: Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element : Woman
Symbol : Wo
Atomic Weight : Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer : Adam
Occurrence : Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower
concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal
fluctuations.
Physical Properties :
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties :
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.
Uses :
a) Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
b) Can greatly improve relaxation levels.
c) Can warm and comfort under some circumstances.
d) Can cool things down when it\'s too hot.
Tests :
a) Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
b) Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Caution :
a) Highly dangerous except in experienced hands. Use extreme care when handling.
b) Illegal to possess more than one.
- - - - - - - - -
\"I\'d like my wife to be beautiful, well-behaving, smart and rich.\" the bachelor said.
\"Oh, well, then you have to get married four times.\"
- - - - - - - - -
A man and woman were lying in bed on night and the woman said to the man, \"I sure wish I had bigger tits.\"
Well the man responded by saying she should rub toilet paper all over them.
The woman looked at him and said \"Toilet paper, what will that do?\"
The man said, \"I don\'t know, but look what it\'s done for your arse.\"
- - - - - - - - - - -
How To Translate Womenspeak
When She Says She Really Means
No...................................... Yes.
Of course I\'m not upset................. Of course I\'m upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I\'ve known you my whole life..... I\'m drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won\'t tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don\'t touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I\'m going to stop you
the first few times.
You\'re...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn\'t we meet at the
bar Friday night?.... I\'ve been waiting by the phone for thre days
Let\'s not talk \"commitment\". Let\'s
just see what happens...... I\'m not taking any birth control pills.
You\'re certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can\'t believe you\'re here.It must
be fate...... I\'ve been following you all day.
I\'m particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I\'m not emotional and
I\'m not over-reacting...... I\'m having my period.
I hope you\'re not disappointed.......... I\'m flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you\'ll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You\'re picking up the bill, aren\'t you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs.
Bigdennis52
New member
How To Translate Womenspeak
When She Says She Really Means
No...................................... Yes.
Of course I\'m not upset................. Of course I\'m upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I\'ve known you my whole life..... I\'m drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won\'t tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don\'t touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I\'m going to stop you
the first few times.
You\'re...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn\'t we meet at the
bar Friday night?.... I\'ve been waiting by the phone for thre days
Let\'s not talk \"commitment\". Let\'s
just see what happens...... I\'m not taking any birth control pills.
You\'re certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can\'t believe you\'re here.It must
be fate...... I\'ve been following you all day.
I\'m particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I\'m not emotional and
I\'m not over-reacting...... I\'m having my period.
I hope you\'re not disappointed.......... I\'m flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you\'ll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You\'re picking up the bill, aren\'t you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs. [/quote]
BINGO! thats what I needed
When She Says She Really Means
No...................................... Yes.
Of course I\'m not upset................. Of course I\'m upset, you moron!
I might as well tell you
Bob and I are seeing each other......... Bob and I are having sex.
I feel I\'ve known you my whole life..... I\'m drunk.
Will you respect me in the morning?..... You won\'t tell your friends, will you?
I never do this on my first date........ I always do this on my first date.
Don\'t touch me there.................... Touch me there, but I\'m going to stop you
the first few times.
You\'re...so manly....................... You need to shave and you sweat a lot.
Hello? Oh yes. Didn\'t we meet at the
bar Friday night?.... I\'ve been waiting by the phone for thre days
Let\'s not talk \"commitment\". Let\'s
just see what happens...... I\'m not taking any birth control pills.
You\'re certainly lovely tonight......... Is sex all you ever think about?
I can\'t believe you\'re here.It must
be fate...... I\'ve been following you all day.
I\'m particular who I have sex with...... I draw the line at barnyard animals.
I\'m not emotional and
I\'m not over-reacting...... I\'m having my period.
I hope you\'re not disappointed.......... I\'m flat chested.
Want to come upstairs for a nightcap?... Want to come upstairs and have sex?
Just come upstairs for a drink.......... Maybe if I get you drunk you\'ll have sex with me.
I love a man who takes charge........... You\'re picking up the bill, aren\'t you?
Be romantic...turn out the lights....... I have flabby thighs. [/quote]
BINGO! thats what I needed
