Roger Bunting
New member
I've been sworn to secrecy as to what happened that day. My life is in jeapardy if I tell.
Tales From The Freak Bar #9
- Thread starter wiccanpony
- Start date
leopardpixie
New member
OMG IM going to slap this forum SILLY~
I’ve type this out about 3 times now and each time i hit the +reply to thread button instead of post quick reply........
I know I’m a blonde and if i do it AGAIN I'm remembering to copy and paste this before i do it i swear! IF not there will be a triad of cursing on my end about the endless frustration that is the +reply to thread button! Your are my bane atm * evil eye*
Mr. Airhead, I was in no way at that particular date and time an instigator i assure you, i can be. Just like your self
We were all well behaved that day, until the game of things came out then all hell broke loose. But that’s another story.
Did something happen that day that i don’t remember?!!???!!?
Pre edit: I did it again @^#& !@#$ + reply to thread button... you are so tempting, or i am so tired... either one, you have been assinged a spot in my little black book.
PegaZus
Stealth Freak
You just need a stiffy.
I'd recommend a nice screwdriver, or maybe a margarita on the rocks. I'd stay away from the tequila however.
leopardpixie
New member
Lets just leave it at that lol
Roger Bunting
New member
Mr. Airhead, I was in no way at that particular date and time an instigator i assure you, i can be. Just like your self
We were all well behaved that day, until the game of things came out then all hell broke loose. But that’s another story.
Did something happen that day that i don’t remember?!!???!!?
Well, we did learn a few things about each other in that Game of Things. But I won't tell...
leopardpixie
New member
Hard wood floors rock!
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
cross by palm with "silver" and I'll tell
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY -
WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR -
SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have
a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try
to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves
you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault,
it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to he terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section for this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293,
non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY -
WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR -
SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.
Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety
lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real
examples that have been heard or reported:
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee: " Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the
ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have
a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs.
If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite."
---o0o---
Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try
to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves
you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our
compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town :
The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump
and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault,
it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City . Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to he terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline. He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?" "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section for this airplane is on the wing. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
A plane was taking off from Durban Airport . After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293,
non-stop from Durban to Cape Town , The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.
While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Roger Bunting
New member
We've just had the official confirmation we can move to a 2 bedroom apartment, which just happens to be across the hall from the one we're in right now. Donna will no longer have to use the living room as her bedroom.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
get posting Wolf Fang ...we need a new mop boy
leopardpixie
New member
i never realized that wolfie wasn't a mop boy. thought he was WAY past that unless hes gone back and deleted some of his post. Which i wouldn't doubt
lizcam
New member
I'm showing you @ 921. I think the posting gods are playing with you.get posting
PegaZus
Stealth Freak
In Wolf Fang's defense, I did see him at the 951 mark shortly after he posted. At this rate, he'll be down to 900 by evening.
