Need Advice from married/engaged gamers

[KruleBear]

Most women will try to distract with sex.

So if i paint more i will get this response?

I work my hobby time into my relationship.

Let's face it, a relationship is more important than some painted ogres.
Ideally, you partner will support you, and be interested in your hobby.

My new GF is great, she'll come in, stand next to me while wearing some skimpy night clothes, and say.."no, keep painting, I like watching"
Then she'll find a reason to bend over...
...I don't get much painting done...

Obviously Girlfriend and not wife.

Ok hands up married men of 7+ years couple of kids etc that would frankly fall of their painting chair if the wife came down in lingere and offered sex so that they'd stop painting eh?........sniff or am I the only one I know I'll wear crocs to bed tonight that'll get her in the mood

I think you made an error...7 months, not years.

I had a nice three layer wire cart on wheels with an articulated daylight lamp, paints, brushes, etc... That i wheeled next to the easy chair. Then painted using a lap desk (wet pallette does not work well with set up.) this allowed us to spend time together while watching TV or her talking to me. Once the kid started crawling though this got scrapped and painting time went in the toilet...apparently when she grew up kids were not allowed to play with knives, saws, scalpels, toxic paints, pliers, smallchunks of lead, et...quite the party pooper. Lol

 

[Bloodhowl]

Ok hands up married men of 7+ years couple of kids etc that would frankly fall of their painting chair if the wife came down in lingere and offered sex so that they'd stop painting eh?........sniff or am I the only one I know I'll wear crocs to bed tonight that'll get her in the mood

*Raises Hand*

 

[Stewsayer]

So many things I could say ...... he he

Oh we cycle too...

 

[Zab]

*Raises Hand*

Me too. I'm all like: hey baby so I did the dishes and complained about work.... In the mood now? No?! Well, I tried. Off to the painting cave!

 

[Wombat85]

My wife and I like to just be around each other, my PC is in a corner of the living room, and while she watches housewives or some other show I game. We have a giant desk in the study where half is my minis and half is her scrapbook stuff. Just sharing the space in this way and chatting as we do our own things works for us. Also what hobbies does she have, Ive learnt the hard way that a relationship wont last if one of you decides that there should only be "us" and the other one still wants it to be "you and me".

 

[yxalitis]

My wife and I like to just be around each other, my PC is in a corner of the living room, and while she watches housewives or some other show I game. We have a giant desk in the study where half is my minis and half is her scrapbook stuff. Just sharing the space in this way and chatting as we do our own things works for us. Also what hobbies does she have, Ive learnt the hard way that a relationship wont last if one of you decides that there should only be "us" and the other one still wants it to be "you and me".

Best response so far....!

 

[Webmonkey]

a relationship wont last if one of you decides that there should only be "us" and the other one still wants it to be "you and me".

This, unfortunately, is a mindset that many younger women have. They think that when you get married, you cease to be individuals, and become a couple in all things. This is not true. I still have my life, and you still have your life,.. and then there's the parts of our lives that we share together along the way.

As to the original post, I think it may have to do with the differences in the way you are both accounting for time. As the man, you see it as that you spend every spare moment with her. But she's accounting for a full 24 hr day. In her train of thought, there's your 8hr work day, another hour or two of travel time, and the 8hrs you spent asleep. That's 17+ hrs everyday that she doesn't get to see you. But from your point of view, these hours don't count,. because they are hours that you "can't" be with her. The only time that counts are hours that you "can" spend with her. From your point of view you spend 100% of your time together. From her point of view, you only spend 20% of your time together.

 

[Dragonsreach]

@Webmonkey, you've missed out a vital component in that calculation, time spent with her family counts as IMPORTANT TIME SPENT WITH HER.
Never Forget That!
Time spent with your Family counts against any "FreeTime" accrued.

 

[oistene]

As to the original post, I think it may have to do with the differences in the way you are both accounting for time. As the man, you see it as that you spend every spare moment with her. But she's accounting for a full 24 hr day. In her train of thought, there's your 8hr work day, another hour or two of travel time, and the 8hrs you spent asleep. That's 17+ hrs everyday that she doesn't get to see you. But from your point of view, these hours don't count,. because they are hours that you "can't" be with her. The only time that counts are hours that you "can" spend with her. From your point of view you spend 100% of your time together. From her point of view, you only spend 20% of your time together.

I think you are on to something here. My fiance sure as hell thinks that the time I spend at work is part of my 'me' time. I don't agree to this at all.

Either way, I'm not so bad off, I just have to let her know in advance so she can make sure she can make other plans to amuse her self. As for the OP's problem, is there something she likes to do that she can sit down next to you and do while you paint? My fiance likes knitting, sewing, and painting (pictures), so I just let her sit with her project while I do mine. Heck, she even painted a few minis a couple of weeks back (but she's a bit sloppy, so I try to keep her away from characters). I also get some old or free minis for the kids and sit down with them, always easier to get away with doing stuff that amuses the kids.

In general, she lets me keep my nerdness and do my nerd things. A lot of women wants their men to stop doing geek things and do 'adult' things instead, and that quickly becomes a problem. I suggest showing the time and money some 'adult' passtimes will consume (you can use fishing or hunting as an example), and you might be allowed - even encouraged - to play games instead.

 

[BloodFather of Kharnath]

To the OP: Try thinning your paints a bit more. If this doesn't work , make sure you are unloading the brush properly. Finally, do a little research on color theory. This will fix all of your relationship problems.

Take it from me, women respond poorly when your art is crap. They don't understand why your are wasting your time on crap projects. Up your game and start manufacturing objects of pure beauty and aesthetic perfection. Do this, and get hand fed grapes while your lady's bisexual girlfriend fans you, periodically replacing your rinse water, and your lady herself spends most of her free time hand crafting to scale flowers for your base work.

At least, that's how it was for me...

 

[airhead]

My wife and I like to just be around each other, my PC is in a corner of the living room, and while she watches housewives or some other show I game. We have a giant desk in the study where half is my minis and half is her scrapbook stuff. Just sharing the space in this way and chatting as we do our own things works for us. Also what hobbies does she have, Ive learnt the hard way that a relationship wont last if one of you decides that there should only be "us" and the other one still wants it to be "you and me".

Do you paint in a room away from her? Spare bedroom, etc... Try a portable paint station to work on mini where you can be around her, like when you are both watching TV or something. Just be sure that it gets put away each night.

Don't take over the dining room table for weeks on end - you are encroaching on sacred ground. Lord forbid you take over a kitchen cabinet - that is sacred ground.

If you do paint in a spare bedroom, give her half so she can do her hobbies. She does have hobbies? Some women don't have hobbies as men understand them, they see the house and their spouse as hobbies. If that is the case, get her involved in something. Knitting, scrapbooking, card games, nail salons (mani/pedis can give you hours to paint) - pretty much anything. Otherwise she will be jealous of the fact that you get "alone time" and she doesn't.

 

[KruleBear]

A lot of women wants their men to stop doing geek things and do 'adult' things instead, and that quickly becomes a problem. I suggest showing the time and money some 'adult' passtimes will consume (you can use fishing or hunting as an example), and you might be allowed - even encouraged - to play games instead.

And when this is mentioned, absolutely do not answer in the following way: "So should i be into more adult endeavours like your friends spouses? You know, going out and getting drunk after work, coming home after the bars close, cheating on their spouses, gambling their savings away? Maybe i should stop investing money for the future and staying home with my geek things where i am a request away from helping you with anything." yeah, never respond that way! Lol

 

[AndyG]

Ha! Were you at my house the other week secretly recording my conversation with the Mrs KB?!?

 

[BloodFather of Kharnath]

What was Mrs KB doing at your house??!!

 

[KruleBear]

What was Mrs KB doing at your house??!!

:bulgy-eyes:

Ha! Were you at my house the other week secretly recording my conversation with the Mrs KB?!?

Was this the other conversation, "Would you prefer if i wasted my life away doing drugs with your brother?".

 

[BloodFather of Kharnath]

Daaaaaamn! Does your face still hurt?

 

[AndyG]

Ah hah punctuation needed I feel I meant my mrs not Kb's mrs. she comes over on alternate Thursdays

 

[BloodFather of Kharnath]

Ah hah punctuation needed I feel I meant my mrs not Kb's mrs. she comes over on alternate Thursdays

Ooooooooh! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

We love lesbians! We love lesbians!

...I'm here ringside at the CMON Cage where AndyG has just landed a crippling overhand right on a momentarily dazed Krulebear...KB looks ready to counterpunch.....

 

[Webmonkey]

Also,.. when in a fight and she brings up sex, never say "I only licked you for the salt",.. believe me guys,... this doesn't end well. (I have an old ex over this)

 

[corrinavatan]

I think it would be good to have a sit down with her and talk it out.

Tell her you'd like to talk to her, in a "we're not going to get mad at each other" discussion.

Don't accuse her of anything like "Why don't you allow me to do what I want." Try statements like "Why do you feel I'm obsessed with this?"

The other thing that is concerning here is that there is here insisting you don't pay attention to her, but you feel there is a lot you are doing with her... does she have her own personal hobbies, when she does stuff by herself? Or is everything she does, stuff she does with you. Some people are very co-dependent on others, so doing things "alone" bothers them, as they are not involved.

If she does have her "own thing," ask her how she would feel, if you were asking her to give that up because she wasn't paying enough attention to you.

If she doesn't have her own thing, I'm willing to bet that she's very co-dependent, and this might end up just being a fight you have.