Showing my newest works before I get into things!
- Thread starter BloodASmedium
- Start date
BloodFather of Kharnath
Active member
Oh John, I am so sorry to hear this. John and I had a private conversation about this months ago. We discussed the dangers of it, and how inevitably chronic pain leads to addiction, etc. I don't like to talk about it, but hell I feel closer to many of you all than I do with guys I've been to combat with...So I'll share with you all.
I had a very similar habit to John's. Except Army doctors would NEVER prescribe that much dope to a soldier, so I bought most of mine from the streets at $1/mg. I had a problem a bit before I joined the Army, but after getting blown up more than 8 times in 2007-2008, numerous concussions and back problems, etc, I started the habit all over again. This all culminated in the use of about 300-400mg of Oxy a day. That's at least 10 Oxy 30mg pills a day. However, snorting them wasn't enough anymore, so I started to go the IV route. Once you try this, there is no turning back...
What is amazing is that I am not in prison or dead right now. I came close to being kicked out of the military dishonorably. I came close to losing my precious wife, bless her sweet heart, because she had zero tolerance for the abuse of drugs. Essentially, I was able to use a silver tongue that was crafted over many years of learning to scam people to support my habit. It's hard not to feel low and worthless when you are in such a state. But believe me...the power of these narcotics can never be overestimated. Almost everyone knows somebody in their lives that is affected.
I got help, eventually. I joined a methadone program and am currently in the process of gradually reducing my dose until I no longer have to take the drug. Most people at my clinic have been there for quite some time, often years, and so this in itself can be a bad addiction. However, there is a ton of misinformation out there regarding methadone and suboxone, and I can say definitively that the stuff is partially responsible for saving my life. The other half is group and personal counseling, which I have pursued aggressively. The last part, for me, has been miniature painting. This is a hobby that I can focus my addictive nature towards for a good purpose. I imagine it is the same for you, John. My join date on CMoN corresponds roughly with whenI got clean...
Ill close with this, and please don't think I am being judgmental or think anything but the best of you John. I know you are a warrior. As such, we are sometimes afraid to reach out and get assistance. But in my opinion, without of course medically diagnosing you and only basing this off of the tiny threads of info we have shared....I don't think you should find another doctor like your last one. There is probably a reason more than just the one jerk that sold to some narcs, for this doctor going to jail or losing his liscense. He is a quack doc, from all appearances. He grossly and negligently over-prescribes his patients, as he did to you. You will have trouble finding a doc that will make similar risks and cause such harm to his patients (except in Florida). In your own mind, you are reasoning that you are in such pain and so you need to stay high 24/7. You will justify anything and everything to keep them coming. Everything is secondary to these pills. And I mean everything. But always and eventually there is a breakdown. Whether this be from your supplier or a relationship that just won't continue with the way things are. I destroyed everything my friend, and just barely escaped with my wife, my career, and some of my integrity. Please John, kick the pills. Get on methadone and then wean yourself off of this in a controlled setting. I will fly to you and hold your hand through the whole process if that is what it takes. I just know all too well the evil of this stuff....
I feel very strange discussing this so openly, but I do so only because I want to help, John. I love you my brother...Stay Strong!!!
I had a very similar habit to John's. Except Army doctors would NEVER prescribe that much dope to a soldier, so I bought most of mine from the streets at $1/mg. I had a problem a bit before I joined the Army, but after getting blown up more than 8 times in 2007-2008, numerous concussions and back problems, etc, I started the habit all over again. This all culminated in the use of about 300-400mg of Oxy a day. That's at least 10 Oxy 30mg pills a day. However, snorting them wasn't enough anymore, so I started to go the IV route. Once you try this, there is no turning back...
What is amazing is that I am not in prison or dead right now. I came close to being kicked out of the military dishonorably. I came close to losing my precious wife, bless her sweet heart, because she had zero tolerance for the abuse of drugs. Essentially, I was able to use a silver tongue that was crafted over many years of learning to scam people to support my habit. It's hard not to feel low and worthless when you are in such a state. But believe me...the power of these narcotics can never be overestimated. Almost everyone knows somebody in their lives that is affected.
I got help, eventually. I joined a methadone program and am currently in the process of gradually reducing my dose until I no longer have to take the drug. Most people at my clinic have been there for quite some time, often years, and so this in itself can be a bad addiction. However, there is a ton of misinformation out there regarding methadone and suboxone, and I can say definitively that the stuff is partially responsible for saving my life. The other half is group and personal counseling, which I have pursued aggressively. The last part, for me, has been miniature painting. This is a hobby that I can focus my addictive nature towards for a good purpose. I imagine it is the same for you, John. My join date on CMoN corresponds roughly with whenI got clean...
Ill close with this, and please don't think I am being judgmental or think anything but the best of you John. I know you are a warrior. As such, we are sometimes afraid to reach out and get assistance. But in my opinion, without of course medically diagnosing you and only basing this off of the tiny threads of info we have shared....I don't think you should find another doctor like your last one. There is probably a reason more than just the one jerk that sold to some narcs, for this doctor going to jail or losing his liscense. He is a quack doc, from all appearances. He grossly and negligently over-prescribes his patients, as he did to you. You will have trouble finding a doc that will make similar risks and cause such harm to his patients (except in Florida). In your own mind, you are reasoning that you are in such pain and so you need to stay high 24/7. You will justify anything and everything to keep them coming. Everything is secondary to these pills. And I mean everything. But always and eventually there is a breakdown. Whether this be from your supplier or a relationship that just won't continue with the way things are. I destroyed everything my friend, and just barely escaped with my wife, my career, and some of my integrity. Please John, kick the pills. Get on methadone and then wean yourself off of this in a controlled setting. I will fly to you and hold your hand through the whole process if that is what it takes. I just know all too well the evil of this stuff....
I feel very strange discussing this so openly, but I do so only because I want to help, John. I love you my brother...Stay Strong!!!
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
thanks guys so much your all amazing yeah I'm riding it out I have a new pain mget doc he's less liberal with the meds but still can do a regiment with ablation and facet injections I just 1)hate the meds but they do their job and 2) I don't mind anything as long as I can sit slouched forward and have a functional life as a mini painter I'm more than happy....I love you guys your all wo default people and BFOK you know the love and admiration I hold for you my brother.
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
wow I read you post bfok I Def am taking your advice to stay with this new doc....holy shit what you wrote had no idea.I love you too brither...that will always be true.fluisterwould go to model display products and look up pre sculpted resin bases ...they are a trademark I firkin use them for everything...
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
Will get more pics today of the 3apmost done models of skullreapers the bases are going to be a host of techniques like wet snow gating etc and of course my favorite raiding my bits box and cutting up the glotkin a bit and you know me what chaos without tentacles and spikes .. If their coming from the frozen chaos wastelands you can rest assure SOETHING IS COMING WITH THEM..
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377122 this is the skaven I did it's in the gallery now
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377123 this is the link for the gladiator GET ON UP AND VOTE AND COMMENTS ON THE SE TWO OF MY NEW ST WORK THANK GUYS AND GALS
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377123 this is the link for the gladiator GET ON UP AND VOTE AND COMMENTS ON THE SE TWO OF MY NEW ST WORK THANK GUYS AND GALS
BloodFather of Kharnath
Active member
Voted brother. With a solid 9.1 at 20 votes, you should continue your success...
Terrafirma
New member
Keep your mind in a good place and your body will follow papa Bam. I have been through something similar ,still am .
Is that your front verandah your standing on looks nice
Is that your front verandah your standing on looks nice
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
Yeah thats our back porch ,love it out there.thanks terrafirma,bfok,ter ,scherds,demi and btw thanks to all who voted if one or two haven't here's the links on the newest additions to the galleries
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377123?browseid=11802899
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377122?browseid=11802899
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377123?browseid=11802899
http://www.coolminiornot.com/377122?browseid=11802899
EpicMiniArt
New member
voted and comments on those sexy minis 
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
Thanks eps firkin golden
BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
And oh my what is this published again..... Well just another validation in war hammer visions 15... All those who congratulated me on these SEVERAL past accolades thank so much... Your all golden. Next up there is much talk of FINALISING "IN THE SPOLIGHT" basically waiting on photos from me. And then it's in stone this will cover several pages and include quite a bit of models in those pages therein. Keep a lookout in the future for more from me contained in the greatest magazine from the greatest co. In the world.
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BloodASmedium
[img]http://pnp
The latest in painting wizardry. Lol lmao
Here's what I'm working because I'm med free it's dribs and drabs but the talent is a gift god gave me and that can never die that being said my withdrawals are over and now more time for painty painty. What I can say is these skull repers are ugly models but the challenge is if I can paint an ugly model than hey I deserve more accolades than you can shake a shepherds stick at so the bases will take a lot of time as I need certain materials so waiting in that is why. But here's me getting an idea of the tentacles and the heights and where to place extra bits. Snow fall as wet snow and the like. When done the models you wouldn't even see how bad they are. So stay tuned.
Here's what I'm working because I'm med free it's dribs and drabs but the talent is a gift god gave me and that can never die that being said my withdrawals are over and now more time for painty painty. What I can say is these skull repers are ugly models but the challenge is if I can paint an ugly model than hey I deserve more accolades than you can shake a shepherds stick at so the bases will take a lot of time as I need certain materials so waiting in that is why. But here's me getting an idea of the tentacles and the heights and where to place extra bits. Snow fall as wet snow and the like. When done the models you wouldn't even see how bad they are. So stay tuned.
BloodFather of Kharnath
Active member
Was this Meg Maples? Oooh give me the link
fluisterwoud
Active member
BAM, just keep winning trophies like I know you will, best way to shut up critics. Congrats on getting pubed again. Love the tentacles on the bases, it's like Papa Nurgle just can't let Khorne have his moment so he's gotta sneak in there somehow.
Scherdy
New member
Man, I did not read this as it was intended I think! Also, getting pubed sounds like a terrible prank a fraternity would pull. :excruciating:
We all have different things that drive is. Competition is as good a motivator as anything else. I sort of hate competition if I know the people I'm up against. I say good on you for knowing what makes you get stuff done.
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