Advice needed with shitty personal problem

[QuietiManes]

Well, I think that\'s pretty good advice...I\'d take it!

Not to be an insensitive jerk, but if you try to kill yourself 5 times and you\'re still alive, you are either a very dumb person who can\'t figure out how to get the job done despite numerous attempts OR more likely, you are just faking it trying to make everyone think you are so horribly unbalanced. Let\'s face it, it\'s not hard to kill yourself, if someone wants to die, you find their lifeless body and there\'s no chance to save them...you do not constantly find them just in time and play the hero role.

Personally, I\'d call her on it, tell her to go kill herself and get it over with already, then when she doesn\'t, tell her to get her emo butt some medication and some therapy and to stop milking the situation and draining the life out of me.

I hate f\'in mind games and retardation...I\'ve no tolerance for it. If you want to do something, go do it, don\'t sit around talking and threatening and never doing. Bleh...

 

[Fizl]

Lets hope you dont work in the medical sector then.

Shaz

 

[Dragonsreach]

Over the years I have read some really stupid replies to threads but I have to say QuietManes yours really gets the top prize.

You are basically telling Springbok to tell his wife to kill herself.

I hope he\'s got the sense to ignore such a stupid post.

 

[rextalon]

Originally posted by Spacemunkie
So how do you explain severe mental health disorders?
Are you saying that it\'s possible for a schizophrenic to control their thoughts and behaviour? When someone\'s whole perception of reality is completely impaired? What about something like bi-polar disorder?

There\'s evidence to suggest genetic predisposition to psychological disorders. Not much controlling that is there? What you\'re suggesting may or may not work, but it sounds a bit like a metaphorical slap around the face and being told to \'snap out of it\' to me.

I don\'t think YOU understand at all what\'s going on here so I\'ll ask you to carry on this conversation in a PM. Let\'s just leave it at that.

Please read my PM before you make another post.

Springbok, Pick up the phone book or use your computer and look for a licensed clinical social worker. They can talk to you about your problems and suggest a course of action. If you decide to go a different direction they can advise you. They normally have friends or coworkers who can help you and your wife, but do it now. You don\'t want to wait on this.

 

[EclypseDesigns]

At what point should you draw the line with these \'attempts\' ? Looking at it from a purely analytical perspective, she doesn\'t love and respect you enough to think of the damage that will be done to you if these \'attempts\' succeed.

Obviously it sounds like you have done everything you can, try the counselling and further medication. But if that doesn\'t work it might be best to draw a line underneath everything.

Certainly though, the timing with the Ex probably isnt best.

I hope it sorts itself out for the best.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Originally posted by EclypseDesigns
Looking at it from a purely analytical perspective, she doesn\'t love and respect you enough to think of the damage that will be done to you if these \'attempts\' succeed.
How can you as an outsider to the situation and Springbok\'s wife possibly know that?
I\'ve been in a near suicidal condition and believe me it\'s not about Not Loving Someone enough, but about wanting the misery to end.

Certainly though, the timing with the Ex probably isnt best.
SPRINGBOK; Tempting as it may seem to just walk away and start afresh, Now is definitely not the time to do this.
Should you walk away and your wife does succeed in a suicide attempt then you\'ll be left with tremendous guilt and possibly build this into resentment towards you ex.
Building a relationship on the back of a destroyed one isn\'t a good move for either of you.

You need to get to a point where the ending of the relationship (should you still want it) is not going to be yet another factor in your wifes mental decline.

Despite their general poor regard in the UK, Social Services are there to help you and her. Seek them out now, before it\'s too late for either of you.

 

[Infidel Castro]

Farking bell!

This is the point in time at which I just hold my hands up and suggest you get the professionals involved. This is not an issue that warrants speculative solutions. Good luck mate, seriously.

 

[freakinacage]

Originally posted by reverend
Farking bell!

This is the point in time at which I just hold my hands up and suggest you get the professionals involved. This is not an issue that warrants speculative solutions. Good luck mate, seriously.

ah i agree.

as shawn said, med\'s are very personal. same could be said for advice in this situation. unless in possession of the full facts, i wouldn\'t want to give any (although i doubt i\'d be capable even in possession!)

 

[MPJ]

Well Springbok, I know where your coming from, have (and in many ways) am there myself at the moment. Even down to the suicide bit. My wife too has cost me my livelihood in the past. In my case I\'m still slogging it out but there isn\'t a day that goes bye where I don\'t wonder if I\'ve made the right choices. I\'ve got 3 kids with her which makes everything that much more difficult in my mind, especially where I must consider who would get them (unlikely me, and if it were me it would likely drive her over the edge).

Best advice I can give you is to do what you think is best. Ultimately no matter what anyone else tells you it\'s your life and your decision, nobody else can make it for you and nobody else\'s opinion really matters in the long end as it\'s you that has to live with whatever you decide which likely will not come easily.

All that being said, from a non-opinion standpoint psychological help is obviously in order, both for her and likely for you as well to help with what you are going through.

As to the bottle for an escape... Alcohol (or any other escape) can be a good thing in moderation but when used to totally lose yourself is very destructive. I never used to \'smoke\' but do now, it works but not in the ways our minds tell us it is rather just as a distraction. Anything can be an escape if you think of it the right way... Even mini painting (hint, hint).

Anyway, back to my point... Your decision and yours alone. By all means keep your friends (us?) up to date. I find at times I can tell people I don\'t really know (us as an example) things easier than I could tell my best friends and it can feel really good to vent your pressures (completely ignore the idiots by the way) and it\'s quite healthy.

Good luck, whatever you decide will be the correct choice in the end.

 

[darklord]

i have (or am) in the position of your wife, i suffer from depression and attempted suicide several times, from 16 years ago right through to relativley recently. I cant speak for her but from my perspective when i do it , its not because i am tired of the people around me but of myself. A self loathing creeps in and i think in one of two ways: either i cant live with myself or i cant let other people live with me like this, almost as though i am doing for them (which of course i arent but it feels that way at the time), i tell myself i am tired of hurting them, dragging them down with me. I know it hurts my wife incredibly and she has stood by me amazingly throught the attempts, my randomly disappearing off sometimes overnight and the general day to day living with depression stuff.
it took me years of trying to get help before i found a doctor that would listen (all the others were a telling people i was \"just doing it for attention. i felt a great relief that i was \'diagnosed\' and it wasnt just in my head, that was about 7 years ago and wasnt a magic cure but i learnt to accept what it was and to try and get help. thats still been a struggle but i\'m getting there slowly.
sorry for the long post, i cant really advise you on what to do as i am on the \'wrong side of it\' but thought my experience may help you understand it a little

 

[paintingploddy]

Seek professional help. It may take a while but there is some hope. Whatever choice you make will be hard but get some help from someone with experience and knowledge rather than the anonymous amateurs on the net.

 

[airhead]

Originally posted by reverend
Farking bell!

This is the point in time at which I just hold my hands up and suggest you get the professionals involved. This is not an issue that warrants speculative solutions. Good luck mate, seriously.

I do agree with this.
Way above my armchair doctor\'s degree.

Listen to Shawn, he\'s been there and is fighting his way back. Work with the doctors the shrinks and the meds.

(I\'ve found they tend to overmedicate here - they didn\'t just smooth the highs & lows, but made everything flat - cut my dose in half and I was a whole new me. Your milage may vary.)

I\'ll add you to my prayer list.

 

[Roger Bunting]

All I can really do is add my best wishes that things get better and agree that you need to get help, for your wife and yourself. Speak to your GP about making an appointment with a consultant psychiatrist at your local hospital. I wasn\'t suicidal but I was suffering from depression and anxiety and asking my GP for help was the first step, which led to the psychiatrist and clinical psychologists.

I don\'t know the cicumstances of the suicide attempts but has your wife been to hospital as a result? I just ask as a friend of mine at university attempted suicide and needed to saty in hospital and whilst there was seen by a psychiatrist who recommended that he spend a couple of weeks or so in a clinic.

 

[QuietiManes]

Over the years I have read some really stupid replies to threads but I have to say QuietManes yours really gets the top prize.

Ok, that was really not my intention. I see now that my point was perhaps not very clear. So I thank you, DR, for pointing out my mistake and shoddy post composition. I hope Springbok reads this or at least took a different meaning from my first post before putting anything into practice.

My intention was to get the point across that there is good evidence, according to the information posted, that she does not really want to commit suicide (which I explained my reasoning in my initial post, the human body isn\'t anywhere near indestructible, anyone old enough to get legally married won\'t have any problems completing the act). I also think, but didn\'t mention, that she obviously is not really all that depressed and unhappy since she doesn\'t seem to want to get better. Therefore if she is depressed, she\'s happy being depressed otherwise she\'d want to try something to get better. Happy isn\'t suicidal. Right? Doctors, medication, therapy, romantic comedies...whatever has a chance, she\'d at least give it a try if she wanted to get better. Again, if she didn\'t want to get better and wanted to end her life, well, I\'ve covered my opinion on that.

Of course noone has to agree with my opinion. That\'s fine, we were asked for our opinions and I gave one. We can only form our opinions on the informatiojn we have access to, obviously we aren\'t the best informed people to dispense advice since we\'ve no idea what\'s going on other than a few sentences in a couple posts.

Just to be clear, I don\'t recommend pushing someone/anyone toward suicide. I recommend taking a moment and looking at the situation you are in and examining if perhaps things are not as you have been forced to believe. Even just the hope that perhaps the depression isn\'t as bad as it seems could really relieve some stress on the situation, it could also be dangerous if you take a serious situation lighter than it merits because you misdiagnosed the seriousness of the person you are dealing with because some idiot on a forum told you to call them out on their intentions. You really need to be careful with how you deal with depressed people which is why alot of people will tend to over compensate and treat everyone that shows the slightest sign of depression with extreme caution without investigating further. Hence, things like overmedication in almost every modern area the world over.

I can\'t think of anything else to add, I hope things are more clear as far as my meaning is concerned. Good luck with your situation Springbok.

Cheers
RB

 

[airhead]

QM, have you ever been around suicidal people?

You have a bit of a point. Lots of suicide ATTEMPTS are cries for attention - serious cries that something is VERY wrong and they need help to get out of it. Whereas most true suicides do it quite effectively. Women tend to leave less mess than men - something in their makeup.

I sincerly hope that Springbok\'s wife stays in the first catagory, gets help and gets better and does not move into the second.

 

[Roger Bunting]

There are reasons why people get stuck in vicious circle that Springbok\'s wife seems to be in but it most certainly won\'t be because she\'s \"happy\" about it. More than that I can\'t say as it will be a very personal reason and generalizations and conjecture will not help.

 

[rextalon]

Darklord touched on something there that was very important for me in solving my depression. I went to a LOT of professionals. I thought there was no way out because everyone I went to either wanted to wave a crystal over my head, pump me full of drugs, or take my check and run. At one point I was ready to give up until I happened upon this article in a magazine describing co-dependency. It had a list of symptoms which matched me to a tee. I had pretty much diagnosed myself.

From there I started reading all I could get my hands on, and it seemed to make things better. One of the key factors was that going to the counselor gave me some time off of work and my wife and I were separated. This left me with a good chunk of time to \"fix\" myself by reading and understanding what was going on.

The underlying point here is that you need to seek help, because it will start that education process. Read about what your doctor is saying. Finally, give yourself time to turn this ship around. Don\'t rush things but don\'t let another day slip by without doing something.

 

[krom1415]

Springbok your wife needs proffessional help, and a supportive family around her whilst getting better.

You however need to feel loved as well, as we all do, and persue your goals in life.

I cant recommend you seeing this other girl, but would not criticise you if you did. We all need to feel loved.

If your wife does end up topping herself, it is not your fault, we are all free beings to do as we will, but in her present state of mind (and yes I\'ve been there too) she needs proffessional help and her medication sorted to help support her to get better. This would probably entail her being sectioned initially for her own good.


Your in a difficult position, and I wish you the best of luck in sorting it.

 

[Springbok]

Thank you for all the advice, good and bad, a threesome is probably not a good idea. I have got my wifes perants involved, and i already feel a lot better for not carrying all the weight alone. I love my wife a lot, and therefore i will not abandon her. As for the other girl, she is fantastic, but she deserves better, theres no need for her to take all my baggage on board. I am still young with LOTS of life experience left to get. I have been on our mad planet for 26 years so far, and i am going to try and find a bit of happiness to stop myself losing it. As for my wife, she is having a hot bath at the moment ( no! I dont have a webcam! ) and ive just ordered an indian takeaway for dinner. I dont know if our relationship will last or not, but i will do what is required to help her get better. Thank you everyone!
Sias

 

[darklord]

well, i hope it all works out for you both, i wish you all the best mate