Beyond my borders...

[Skrit]

Beyond my borders...

I don\'t know why but maybe I just needed to vent...

Some of you might recall that my mom past away last october.

Since the last few months i\'ve been having diffilculties coping with the fact that she\'s been gone.

In the first few months i\'ve been faking my family cause i wanted to take care of them. I\'ve succeeded a bit, I gave them strenght but have been wearing myself out. And that has taken it\'s toll! I don\'t know why I\'m writing this on a public forum but it\'s probably got to do with the fact that i\'m pissed drunk!

Lately i\'ve been seeing my mum a lot! Though it starts out as a good thing it inevitably turns into seeing my mum sick or deceased... I\'ve been seeing a shrink lately but thats\'s stil in it\'s early stages. I hope it will help me.

Sorry if this is not the appropriate place but I consider this place as warm and caring place, and again just needed to vent...

God, when i\'m sober I\'ll probably regret that I\'ve put this online but at the moment it felt good!

Dont be harsh on me! (and that counts for the spelling too!)

Tim.

(Tim, who\'s missing his mom a lot! This might be not the proper place , please forgive me!)

 

[finn17]

You are not alone.....

A lot of us have been where you are Tim. Nothing heals the pain...time makes it duller that\'s all. It\'s still early days for you yet...theinitial shock reaction that\'s let people cope with tragedy has worn off and it has now probably hit you for the first time. Six to twelve months is the usual period for this sort of reaction to set in. It\'s QUITE NORMAL!!

You are not going mad, you are not \'losing it\', you are not doing any of the things that the self-destructive, bastard bit of your mind is telling you are doing.

You are simply grieving Tim. You are grieving for the loss of your mother. We have all done it, or we will do it at some point.

You are not alone, you are a human being and part of being a human being is grieving over the loss of your parents.

Now pull yourself together for God\'s sake, pass me a beer and we\'ll get pissed together!!

 

[Skrit]

From you it means a lot to me! Maybe sounds abit stupid but that is how I see things!

I reaspect you as member that is funny most of the times but can be serious when he needs to be...

God, I wish i coul;d pass you that actual beer right now! God knows i had too much myself this night! Maybe in the future i\'ll be able to! You certainly deserve it in my book, if not for this time then for all the times you\'ve made me laugh!

Thanks and i mean it!!!

(damnn, it\';s hard to type when you\'re drumk! )

 

[Skrit]

Btw, you\'re up late... ??? (or early?!)

 

[finn17]

I think I am turning nocturnal

..a child of the night.... It\'s 3.18 am over here, so yes, I should be in bed....but it\'s Friday...I haven\'t finished moderating the comments on the site yet..and I haven\'t finished my beer yet!!

So a toast! Lets raise our glasses to life, health and happiness. However bad we feel things are, there is always some poor bastard out there who is worse off than we are. Our second toast should be to him...whoever he is

 

[Trevor]

Not sure what to say, I find it helps to look back and remember the good times.

My Gran has had multiple strokes and is deteriorating and not expected to make the end of the year, anytime I get down I just remember the woman she was and the good times we had.

Its morning here, but I\'ll raise a electronic glass to you and the memory of your Mum

 

[Skrit]

I couldn\'t agree more! As sad as I may feel now, a good life i\'m living! May everybody experience joy and happiness as i once did! (gawd, I sound sadd!~)

Finn, or whatever your real name is! Send me your adress and i\'ll send you a selection of our finest beer, if that is what you can call it!)

 

[Skrit]

Originally posted by Trevor
Not sure what to say, I find it helps to look back and remember the good times.

My Gran has had multiple strokes and is deteriorating and not expected to make the end of the year, anytime I get down I just remember the woman she was and the good times we had.

Its morning here, but I\'ll raise a electronic glass to you and the memory of your Mum

Ans so you should, I feel for you!

Thanks, i appreaciate that!

Although i do my best to remember her the way she was, the image of her at the end keeps slipping back in my mind!

The fact that i took care of her at the very end at one point comforts me (because of the things she said to me when she had a clear monemt..) but at the other end just hurts me whenever i think of her in a good way. It always seems to turns into me seeing her lying there sick (on her death-bed) or her lying there dead... It\'s not something i can help....

 

[finn17]

Steve..my name\'s Steve

Originally posted by Skrit
Finn, or whatever your real name is! Send me your adress and i\'ll send you a selection of our finest beer, if that is what you can call it!)

And it would be a travesty to waste the postage:flip:

That\'s a very kind offer but I\'ve got loads of beer...save your money I\'ll just come knocking on your door next time I\'m in Amsterdam....you can show me the sights

 

[Skrit]

Originally posted by finn17

Originally posted by Skrit
Finn, or whatever your real name is! Send me your adress and i\'ll send you a selection of our finest beer, if that is what you can call it!)

And it would be a travesty to waste the postage:flip:

That\'s a very kind offer but I\'ve got loads of beer...save your money I\'ll just come knocking on your door next time I\'m in Amsterdam....you can show me the sights

O, I will! Working just a few metres from the red light district i\'m certain I could show you around! lol

 

[finn17]

Look, Skrit...

Originally posted by Skrit
....but at the other end just hurts me whenever i think of her in a good way. It always seems to turns into me seeing her lying there sick (on her death-bed) or her lying there dead... It\'s not something i can help....

If you can\'t help it, try to turn it into something positive...tackle it head on...embrace it...and write another chapter in your own mind that has a positive ending. If you are religious that should be easy, if you are not (like me) it\'s just a little bit trickier but can still be done. I know..I\'ve done it

EDIT:O, I will! Working just a few metres from the red light district i\'m certain I could show you around!

Sounds interesting..

I am off to bed now...as it\'s nearly 4.00.

Take care....

 

[Skrit]

Okay, will try!

Not religious either if you were wondering... It feels good, reading your thoughts about it! Thanks!!!

EDIT too: Yes, very interesting! Lol! Goodnight!

 

[Shawn R. L.]

It\'s easy to have a sharp painful loss become the focus of all your attention. While the pain is still there try to list ANYTHING that is good going on. Remind yourself of the good that is also there. I\'m facing the loss of my dad ( he has altimers). I try to realise there are other things in life that are not sad. Also, doing what you are doing right here is good medicine. Talking is good. Get it out.

 

[wereweevil]

Well, you\'re not alone Skrit...

As others have mentioned, it happens to almost all of us in our lives at one time, and I had mine pass away last October.
I know it sounds morbid and horrible, but I have to say I see visions of my mother on her death-bed sometimes when I close my eyes at night. It\'s not nice, but I manage by thinking about how her suffering was over at last, and how the quality of her life towards the end meant that death was a better place for her.
No-one wants to see loved ones suffer, and when you *know* they don\'t want to be suffering themselves, then when the end comes, it\'s almost a relief.
Our reaction towards death are all individual, and none are right or wrong. After time, your pain will ease - even though you may feel it never will...

 

[Klute]

I will second what Steve said in his first reply.


To add though....

Dont worry about talking about things here.As daft as we may seem at times,most of us can be very serious and sympathetic as well.
I found the coolmini site by the way of an online friend in a depression chatroom.I found talking to others helped my depression/anxiety/panic immensly in my low periods and when I started using the forums on cmon I actually stopped using the depression chatrooms.It really is great therapy just to talk to people,let people know how you are feeling etc.

I have few little tricks I use for panic attacks.
The best one is a photo of my children.I look at it when one starts and it seems to work wonders,maybe a photo of your mother could do the same when you are getting those images in your mind.
Another is a meditation breathing exercise.
Imagine you are on a cool beach and when you breath in the waves roll toward you and when you breath out the waves roll out.
Very relaxing and calming.

Hope that might help in some way.
Hang on in there.

 

[marineboy]

Tim!

You\'ve been taking care of business, doing the things that had to be done. That\'s good. Now the time is here where the care that you\'ve got to give youself the same kind of attention you\'ve been giving your family.

Do something for yourself. Take walks. Drink coffee in a good place. Listen to wind in the trees or the surf at Zandvoort...whatever. Do the things that make you happy.

Communicate with your world. Tell the people nearest to you the same things that you\'re telling us here. Theycan\'t know about your pain unless you tell them and can\'t touch you unless you let them come close. They are there for you just as you have been there for them.

Of course, if nothing else works you could always come up to to Copenhagen and we could get royally drunk together!

It was great seeing you in A\'dam, Magnus says Hi! We ate at the Menagerie again the next day, great place!

BTW, what are you going to use for bases for the figures you\'re gonna paint for Germany? I was thinking that maybe you\'d like some custom-turned ones in solid ebony? Let me know!

 

[freakinacage]

i\'m feel for you. alcohol never helps when you\'re depressed. anyway, finn\'s right - he\'s got too much beer as it is!

 

[Mosch]

Skrit, I know what you feel.

My parents were on vacation in turkey and I was living with my grandmother for the time they were gone. One friday morning I woke up.... it was about 9 AM, which is bad because I should have been at school at 8. I wondered why my grandma didn\'t wake me - after all, she was awake, I could hear her watching TV in the next room.
I went over and saw her asleep in front of the TV. I touched her shoulder and tried to wake her.
\"Grandma!\"
No reaction.
\"Grandma?\"
I pushed her a little, and her head just sort of rolled over.
She was so cold, so incredibly cold, and her mouth was opern and it was so dry.

Excuse me, I can\'t go on wrtiting, I\'mn notr sure if I\'ll ecven post this.

 

[Mosch]

Please don\'t be alarmed, I\'m pretty OK again....

I\'m sorry Skrit, I wanted to be supportive, but that post probably didn\'t help at all. I\'m not sure if I should delete it.

 

[marineboy]

My grandmother died this past Thurdday. I feel with you all.

@Mosch -- I wish .... I hope you\'re well.

@Skrit -- Give me a call if you want someone to talk to, you\'ve got my number.