cat and dog diaries

freakinacage

freakinacage

Well-known member
Dogs v Cats

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG\'S DIARY

Day number 182
8:00 am OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
9:30 am OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
9:40 am OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVOURITE!
10:30 am OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVOURITE!
11:30 am OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
12:00 noon OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
1:00 PM OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVOURITE!
1:30 PM OH NO! BATH. BUMMER.
4:00 PM OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVOURITE!
5:00 PM OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVOURITE!
5:30 PM OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVOURITE!






EXCERPTS FROM A CAT\'S DIARY

DAY 752 -
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 -
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair... Must try this on their bed.

DAY 765 -
Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.

DAY 768 -
I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called \"shampoo.\" What sick minds could invent such liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.

DAY 771 -
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odour of the glass tubes they call \"beer\". More importantly overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of \"allergies.\" Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 -
I am convinced the other captive\'s are flunkeys and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...
 
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mistamick

New member
i think a cat\'s would be more like:
7:30 Find place on sofa, sleep.
10:30 Wake up, claw viciously at someone, and get food
11:00 After having a fight with neighbour, go on sofa and fall asleep again
3:00 Get up, eat,
3:15 Fall asleep again
etc.
 
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hubbabubba

New member
The cat\'s obviously a house cat, if he were a british cat, with cat flap, access and exit at all hours, well it\'s the life of Riley isn\'t it.
It\'s good, did you write it?
 
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vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by mistamick
i think a cat\'s would be more like:
7:30 Find place on sofa, sleep.
10:30 Wake up, claw viciously at someone, and get food
11:00 After having a fight with neighbour, go on sofa and fall asleep again
3:00 Get up, eat,
3:15 Fall asleep again
etc.
Click to expand...
My cats would be:
5:30 wake up and look for food.
6:00 egads I\'m hungry. Better start crying my head off outside the human\'s door (or if she\'s allowed to sleep with me that night, time to jump on the human\'s head).
6:30 Finally that human is up - give me food now!
7:00 That was nice now ack ack ack blurgh!
7:05 begin cleaning myself
8:00 sleep

Repeat
 
Shawn R. L.

Shawn R. L.

New member
Dogs - God\'s gift to mankind.

Cats - furnature destroying poo/pee machines that give nothing back to those who feed them..................Dog\'s ROCK!!
 
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Ogrebane

Active member
Dogs have owners, cats have servants. I hate cats, nasty pieces of work that destroy the native animals. Long live the dog.
 
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DaN

New member
Cats DO have their good points:

* They regularly allow you to test your reaction time and the brakes of your car by running suicidally across your path when they could\'ve just waited or gone earlier on a clear road.

* They allow keep your sense of paranoia and mistrust alert - just because the cat is currently purring in your lap right now, doesn\'t mean he won\'t decide to claw viciously at your eyes in the next millisecond

* They make very interesting and attractive hot water bottle holders
 
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vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by Ogrebane
Dogs have owners, cats have servants. I hate cats, nasty pieces of work that destroy the native animals. Long live the dog.
Click to expand...
are you saying dogs are not destructive when introduced where they did not originally exist?
Any invasive species has the potential to harm the local environment.
 
Shawn R. L.

Shawn R. L.

New member
Originally posted by Torn blue sky
lol Cats are cunning but ultimately pointless creatures.

Dogs are handy.
Click to expand...

Dog\'s are DEFINATELY handy.........I was babysitting my brothers kids and one of the wee one\'s puked on the couch.........ugg, I really didnt want to have to deal with it..................ding!!! Ephany!!!...............THE DOG!!! Puke got all cleaned up, the couch was clean, the dog was happy, I didnt have to get into the mess of cleaning all that goo - NO PROBLEM...........God bless DOGS!!
 
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Ogrebane

Active member
Originally posted by vincegamer
Originally posted by Ogrebane
Dogs have owners, cats have servants. I hate cats, nasty pieces of work that destroy the native animals. Long live the dog.
Click to expand...
are you saying dogs are not destructive when introduced where they did not originally exist?
Any invasive species has the potential to harm the local environment.
Click to expand...

No not saying that. Any introduced species is generally bad for the environment. Its just that people tend to keep dogs locked up but let thier cats wander where ever they like. Not a big fan of the cat.
 
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DrEvilmonki

Active member
Actually the cats are nasty to nature arguement is pretty universal but pretty wrong in general also.
Yes cats DO eat and destroy native animals however they also eat and destroy introduced pests such as mice and rats which are even more harmful than the cats.
Without cats then in many places there would be no predation of the rodent population and native species would be in a far worse state.

I like cats and dogs but prefer cats as they are far more independant (I already have 2 children to look after why would I want a dog as well?).
 
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vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by Ogrebane
No not saying that. Any introduced species is generally bad for the environment. Its just that people tend to keep dogs locked up but let thier cats wander where ever they like. Not a big fan of the cat.
Click to expand...
Sounds more like you\'re not a big fan of bad cat owners. I suspect you\'d dislike dogs just as much if people just let their dogs roam free. Mabe even dislike them more since cats burry their solid waste and dogs just leave it on the sidewalk.
Where I live it is illegal to permit your cat to roam free - and if you do so, your cat is likely to get eaten by coyote or owls.

p.s. Cats are useful. About a year ago we were shocked to learn that 2 of our immediate neighbors in the same condo building had mouse problems. Not us though, even though we shared a wall with one and a floor/ceiling with the other. Mice avoided the condo where 2 cats lived but our neighbors both had dogs.
 
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hubbabubba

New member
I like cats and dogs too, I grew up having a dog, but about a three years ago we were asked to find a home for an abandoned cat, and she\'s been with us ever since. After living with a cat, I can affirm that cats are probably twice as smart as the average dog. You may say that you can\'t train a cat to fetch a ball, or sit and play dead, but a dog you can. Does that make the dog smarter, nope, makes him kinda stupid really. Besides, I\'ve never seen a cat eatin shit off the side walk, which seems to be a particular doggy favourite.lol
 
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hakoMike

Active member
I\'ve had cats and I have dogs.

Say what you want about dogs being great... my cats never took a dump on the living room floor.

Say what you want about cats being great... my dogs never insisted that I stand and watch them eat their cat food.

Vermin, all of them. (I like Skaven, so I guess I have a soft spot for vermin.)
 
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mistamick

New member
When we go away and leave the cat for a few days, we just leave a pile of cat biscuits in his bowl. He assumes its for one day and eats the whole lot in a matter of minutes. And then we get back and find a nice pile of cat sick on the floor.
 
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