Chat up lines or other devices used to cop off.

[cassar]

survey time, they are corny they come under the heading of "excessive flannel" anyone from the likes of norway, sweden etc need not respond (you lot dont need chat up lines, all that naked sauna stuff negates it really), but they do work even really really intelligent ladies (birds) cant resist the flannel they know its twaddle they just cant help emselves, the more corny and implausable the better, moths n flames springs to mind. and as for men well only a man could walk down the street with a bald head and a pot belly and still think he looked sexy, so lets hear em. let the bulls*&^ begin, who's first (bet you its freakinacage).

 

[Tercha]

"Tell me about yourself"

 

[alextheartist]

Tim's at Salute today

"Have you had an accident? Because you look like you fell straight from heaven..."

 

[cassar]

"Tell me about yourself"

never ask a bird that , you will be there all day lol

 

[Tercha]

never ask a bird that , you will be there all day lol

The thing is....they love talking about themselves

 

[cassar]

heard this one the other day "your parents must be retarded, cause your special"

one for the larger ladies "guess my weight n im yours!", "99 stone!", "thats close enough you lucky sod"

 

[Master of fact]

At the end of the night after last order's, pick a lonely girl and " There YOU are, iv been looking for you all night, il wait outside"

Sigh just by a girl a drink, if she doesnt give you anything NEXT!! ( i am only joking, please dont tell the wife)

 

[cassar]

boy: "have i shown you my magic watch? it tells me your not wearing any knickers"
girl:"nice try but i am wearing nickers thanks"
boy:"damn must be an hour fast"

 

[Chrome]

The chat up lines that've worked for me are:

"I must say, that does feel a bit creepy"

and

"Sure, I'll help you measure up a christmas corset for you to wear for your boyfriend..."

 

[Torn blue sky]

Boy; Did it hurt?
Girl; Did what hurt?
Boy; When you fell from heaven.
Girl; Awwww!
Boy; Because your face is all f**ked up...

 

[wiccanpony]

true and sad ......... him (drunk off his a$$) so you're really a Witch
her: ah yes?
him: want to ride "my" broom

the rest of us girls did a "palm face" over that and left

believe us, after 4 or 5 drinks you don't get funnier

 

[BarstoolProphet]

A few years ago, during a pre-opening break, me and a bunch of co-workers were standing around eating donuts and having almost this exact conversation... about pick-up lines. It was generally agreed that every line could work, if it was delivered smoothly enough. Except by me. I proceeded to demonstrate by delivering the 'Fresh Prince' line a la James Bond. 'You must be tired, because you've been running around in my head all day.'

This produced a lot of laughter, and the ladies all determined that I was incapable of being smooth.

A little later, the conversation changed directions, and the older staff got onto the subject of memories.
Joanne, an attractive lady in her mid-40's, said rather wistfully, "Oh, I remember when I was thirty..."
And I immediately interrupted, not letting her finish the sentence with: "Oh, everyone here can remember last year..."

I was immediately given the title of 'smoothest mo****-f***** in the store' and Joanne's phone number.

 

[cassar]

very good you get the theophilus t wildybeast smooth award for 2010. (his best line was "hey baby you got any african in you? would you like some")

 

[Torn blue sky]

very good you get the theophilus t wildybeast smooth award for 2010. (his best line was "hey baby you got any african in you? would you like some")

This line would fail in america for me if I subbed African for Scotish. Everyone I met immediately proclaimed how scotish or irish they are!
It'd be like being a door to door salesman selling doors!

 

[noneedforaname]

the ability to stick my tongue up my nose tends to work on the ladies, or if in bolton the classic "fancy a shag?" seems to work fine or for those in the north east "you don't sweat much for a fat lass"

 

[cassar]

nice legs!.... what time do they open?

 

[noneedforaname]

"can I get your number .............................................i'm not stalking you, honest"

 

[freakinacage]

who's first (bet you its freakinacage).

Tim's at Salute today

"Have you had an accident? Because you look like you fell straight from heaven..."

what are you guys trying to say?!!@alex, did you go to salute, i didnt see you?

Boy; Did it hurt?
Girl; Did what hurt?
Boy; When you fell from heaven.
Girl; Awwww!
Boy; Because your face is all f**ked up...

i love stuff like that.
b- are your feet hurting?
g - why?
b - because you have been running around my mind all day.......in really impractical shoes

the only 2 that have ever worked for me are:
what speaks french and is great at sex? - moi!

she didn't understand ANY french so i then went on to:
what winks and shags like a tiger? [wink]
she loved that one!! gotta be cheeky


and one for valentines cards (i'm colourblind)
roses are blue,
violets are red,
i'm crap with colours
but great in bed!

 

[noneedforaname]

A slightly more disturbing incident was me getting my jollies due to getting bitten, she was trying to put me off at pool in the bolton crap hole known as the Alma (is it still open?) she was impressed with my high pain threshold, cue night of very kinky and painful shennanigans only to be informed at a later date from one her mates that she was actually legally a nutcase. Ah good times.

 

[Torn blue sky]

A slightly more disturbing incident was me getting my jollies due to getting bitten, she was trying to put me off at pool in the bolton crap hole known as the Alma (is it still open?) she was impressed with my high pain threshold, cue night of very kinky and painful shennanigans only to be informed at a later date from one her mates that she was actually legally a nutcase. Ah good times.

I attract the same kind of people. Although i'm smart enough to denounce them with a swift "Get thee to f**k! And do never darken me with your presence again!"
Thankfully i'm with a nice girl now who's also attractive and a bit of a nympho. It's awesome to be me sometimes. Sucks to be you guys =P