Dilemma...

[matty1001]

I\'m typing this because I can\'t sleep, it\'ll be a long post so be warned...

Me and Laura have split up, as you can imagine I\'m absolutely gutted, my head is spinning (hence why I can\'t sleep) and I just feel empty. You may have noticed I ain\'t been posting much over the last week, or replying to PM\'s (sorry those who have PM\'d me) and that is why.
It wasn\'t down to a big argument or anything, just she is in the South of Spain and I am stuck in a concrete jungle. Conflict of interest I suppose, but in no way was there any malice or resentment. And I certainly don\'t regret the 4 and a half years with her.

Now, I pretty much have a job secure for a decent sales/marketing firm. With this job I could be heading my own team within 5/6 years and really making it for myself professionally.
But it\'s in Newcastle, I hate cities. Infact I despise them, really fucking hate them.

So this is my choice.
I could simply stick a sleeping bag a few clothes etc in a bag and head off to Spain with a few Euros. Live out there getting by with a little job and then when the time comes move on to somewhere else with her. (And if I do go out there we would be back together, thats pretty clear)
Just travel around making the most of a good few years.

Or do I stick around here, try to get my feet under the table and just bumble on with a 9-5 job, stuck somewhere I really don\'t want to be, but secure.

I suppose I am just scared of going out there on my own two feet. I like the security here, but to be honest, it ain\'t really exciting.

At the moment it feels like one or the other. If I take the option of the city job I\'l just have to forget about all of the travelling and get stuck in.
Or bog off with a back pack and leave this chance behind.

I\'m only 20, surely I\'m young enough to take the risk?

Perhaps this is just all utter bollocks and as soon as I get my head screwed on after a good nights kip (whenever that will be) Il calm down and be a little more rational.
But I\'v got thoughts shooting all around my head at the moment and it\'s all confusing...

...things seem to be racing faaaar to fast at the moment.



Well sorry for that, it was probably just incoherent bollocks, but it helps to get it down.
This lack of sleep is really getting to me.

 

[No Such Agency]

Ooh. If you truly hate cities, you might not enjoy living Newcastle, I expect. And if the relationship is otherwise good, but you are splitting up over the fact that you can\'t be together right now... hmm. Why exactly ARE you splitting up? At least you have good trains in Europe, and it might not be a budget breaker to fly to Spain for visits, even.

 

[skeeve]

Originally posted by matty1001

Or do I stick around here, try to get my feet under the table and just bumble on with a 9-5 job, stuck somewhere I really don\'t want to be, but secure.

As you said, you are only 20 don\'t do THAT (what quoted). THe rest is immaterial, you can\'t imagine how immaterial it is, just don\'t do that above. You will be to create a time bomb ready to burst at any moment.

Being sort of of forced into such situation I wouldn\'t wish it for anyone.

 

[generulpoleaxe]

don\'t go out their if it\'s just to get her back.
that\'s just setting yourself up for a bad landing mate.

if she has said you and her have a future together in if you go to spain then leave this shit hole of a country behind mate.
if not, work hard and save as much as you can so that you can get to the country side be it in this country or another and enjoy the suroundings you like.

if i can get a good enough customer base with the painting and the miniature line takes off then i\'ll be looking at relocating somewhere with good scenery myself as this country is just turning into a chav infested concrete jungle.

do what you think is right mate and remember, you have mates that will help you if needed.

 

[Cleezy]

sorry to hear about it break ups are always hard (u know this obv and i do to) but they happen.

Just wondering what is it she is doing in the south of spain?

Also you have to think your (atm albeit) thinking of giving up everything for her, are you thinking would she do the same for you?

And there is the old chestnut of your young there will be others.

The worst bit is nobody will have an answer and everybody will have good/bad advice. It is a hard decision and either choice will leave you with some regret. A what if.... scenario.

You may hate the urban jungle or scared of the big world (i\'m nearly 20 and finishing my degree and i am shitting it after i\'m done as it seems that is it) But it may lead to something, you may become successful and may lead a very different life to that of the other choice. It is hard and you probably need some sleep and a clear head but the right/wrong answer comes about eventually and in this case i think each has their positives/negatives.

If only their was a handbook to the game we call life

ps i hope i helped in some way

 

[matty1001]

Originally posted by No Such Agency
Why exactly ARE you splitting up?

It\'s mainly because she is out there working and once this contract is up (another 4 month) she was going to come home. I was fine with this, I can wait 6 month.

But now she wants to stay out for longer and go to different places doing her repping job. (She is setting up to do a ski resort.)

So it\'s now at the point where she doesn\'t know how long she will be away travelling about working. It could be years. And she didn\'t want me to be sat waiting at home. It would be on her mind, and would eventually (no matter how patient I am, and I am pretty patient) get on my mind.

So it was better to end things on a good note now than 12 month down the line feel like both of us are pulling each other back and it ending sourly.

I can go out and live under her contract (her travel company pay her rent) and just get a little job for food etc...
I feel I am just at a bit of a crossroad and whatever decision I make is going to take up a good chunk of effort and time over the next few years, meaning I could only do one or the other.

It\'s more comfortable and stable to stay here, but potentially not like it.
But more risky to pack up and head out over there.

 

[miniDrake]

We only get one shot at life Matty.Now think ahead 25 years,you have a great paying job stuck in a city you hate and maybe you will be thinking back about missing out on a life with Laura.

Love is the super glue that binds we humans together and makes life all the more special.If you both love each other and its only the distance that\'s the factor in your break up, you just need to ask yourself is any job more important than being in love for the rest of your life?.

There are times in life were we get to a fork in the road and the worst thing is sometimes we take the wrong path and then spend the rest of our lives thinking What If.

Talk to friends,family or Laura as this could be that path you will regret for the rest of your days.

 

[matty1001]

Originally posted by generulpoleaxe
don\'t go out their if it\'s just to get her back.
It\'s not just to get her back. Well it is in a way I suppose. But it\'s just as much her getting me back. (Makes me sound like a right big \'ead!) It\'s a mutal thing, and basically if I go out there we will be together. If I don\'t I\'l just have to go my own way here and forget about the relationship.
that\'s just setting yourself up for a bad landing mate.

if she has said you and her have a future together in if you go to spain then leave this shit hole of a country behind mate.
if not, work hard and save as much as you can so that you can get to the country side be it in this country or another and enjoy the suroundings you like.

if i can get a good enough customer base with the painting and the miniature line takes off then i\'ll be looking at relocating somewhere with good scenery myself as this country is just turning into a chav infested concrete jungle.

do what you think is right mate and remember, you have mates that will help you if needed.
Yea, I\'v a couple of cracking mates that have been helping me out the past few days.

 

[gohkm]

I reckon:

1. You\'re young. Might as well go for it. When you going to do it otherwise? That\'s never going to be a \'best\' time, there\'s only a time, so might as well go and make the best of it.

2. If both of you are clear that you want to be together and are willing to work at it, why not? It\'s going to be a helluva lot of work, plenty of give and take, and there\'s going to be many arguments, but as long as you\'re both willing to work for it, there\'s no major obstacles.

If it doesn\'t work out at the end of the day, even after all the hard work you put in, well, at least you tried, eh?

Remember, we seldom regret the things we do, but we always regret the things we didn\'t.

Wish you the best. Now go get your girl and live your life, instead of just standing around wondering.

 

[matty1001]

Originally posted by Cleezy
Just wondering what is it she is doing in the south of spain?
Travel repping, each contract is 6 month. And she doesn\'t know when she will stop signing them. But each 6 month stint is somewhere different.

Also you have to think your (atm albeit) thinking of giving up everything for her, are you thinking would she do the same for you?
But is it really giving it up? Like I say I am only young, I have years ahead of me to get a job. And this oppurtunity (travelling around with laura) ain\'t going to crop up again.

And there is the old chestnut of your young there will be others.

The worst bit is nobody will have an answer and everybody will have good/bad advice. It is a hard decision and either choice will leave you with some regret. A what if.... scenario.

You may hate the urban jungle or scared of the big world (i\'m nearly 20 and finishing my degree and i am shitting it after i\'m done as it seems that is it) But it may lead to something, you may become successful and may lead a very different life to that of the other choice. It is hard Damn right there lol and you probably need some sleep and a clear head but the right/wrong answer comes about eventually and in this case i think each has their positives/negatives.

If only their was a handbook to the game we call life

ps i hope i helped in some way

 

[jahminis]

matty, my brother...
if there is one thing i have learned in life, it\'s forward ever, backward never...runnin\' off to spain to get a girl back is not the best idea, as the generul said...settin\' yourself up for a fall there mate...
i say put on your rucksack and go explore the world a bit...it\'s not about women or jobs, or security...it\'s about bein\' young, and takin\' advantage of the restless spirit while ya feel it...in a few years, you may really regret takin\' a job in the big shitty instead of enjoyin\' your freedom while ya have it..soon enough the realities of life will have there hooks in ya...

good luck with a tough descision...i know that when i was 17, and i decided to quit school and travel, the first step was the hardest one, but i\'ve never looked back...
it\'s been a grand adventure circlin\' the globe, and i\'ve learned more than any class could have ever taught me...i\'ve linked up with some incredible women, and left \'em all behindlol...
i don\'t regret a single day of livin\' the adventure, but i did it all for myself, and my own growth...not for someone else...the few times i\'ve tried to go somewhere for a girl, they never really appreciated the sacrifice...i appreciate everything i do for me...

good luck mate...

cheers
jah

 

[matty1001]

Skeeve and Minidrake: Good advice, cheers.

GOHKM
Remember, we seldom regret the things we do, but we always regret the things we didn\'t.

Wish you the best. Now go get your girl and live your life, instead of just standing around wondering.

It all just seems like some romantic film about war from the 50\'s or something! lol
\"Don\'t worry darling, il be back for Christmas\"

Good words though, cheers.

 

[Cleezy]

I think regretting not doing it would be the worst thing that could happen, as others have said you are young. This is your chance to be a romantic hero, if you fell you are giving up nothing and have nothing to lose go for it, this could be the best thing ever. Its hard to say whe nits not your own perspective but the guys here are wise and have experience that us young people dont.

I like the sound of putting off the menial parts in life to do things that you only get one shot at, i feel like i\'m rambling and am of no help but hey.

 

[matty1001]

Just spent my last £4 in a payphone talking to her. I want to go, she wants me to go.

If I do go there and It doesn\'t work out Il just head off in my own direction, zipping about with a Europe rail card and hitchhicking my way around some, quite possibly, exciting times.

Tomorrow is the day when this job gets finalised. If I get it or not.
If I get it this next two weeks is going to be a serious head screw, if not, I know I\'m jumping on a flight ASAP.

I\'m bloody shaking with excitement and nerves. This feels like the biggest decision I\'v had in a long while.

JAH: Big shitty...sums it up real well. Cheers for the advice from a man who has done it all before, I seriously respect that. I even considered PM\'n you for advice.

 

[matty1001]

Originally posted by Cleezy
I think regretting not doing it would be the worst thing that could happen, as others have said you are young. This is your chance to be a romantic hero, if you fell you are giving up nothing and have nothing to lose go for it, this could be the best thing ever. Its hard to say whe nits not your own perspective but the guys here are wise and have experience that us young people dont.

I like the sound of putting off the menial parts in life to do things that you only get one shot at, i feel like i\'m rambling and am of no help but hey.

Don\'t worry, you are helping. Infact everyone is. Cheers for all the replys, really appreciate it.
(And replying to them sure beats tossing and turning trying to sleep for the next few hours.)

 

[Cleezy]

well i hope whatever avenue you pursue turns out the best it possibly could do. If you struggle sleeping you could always listen to my music hehe, you prob wont like it but hey it might take your mind of things (www.myspace.com/themfcl)

Ps the backpacking round europe sounds pretty fun, remember to take a few brushes a model or three and your best paints you could wonders on a limited palette

 

[Dragon Forge Design]

Well as someone whos 43, single..hates where he lives..followed a carrier only to have it taken and sent to China a few years back..if I could look back 20 years in my life and could do things over I would certainly have followed my heart and done other things.. yeah this sounds cryptic but the simple fact is this..

Your young..you have plenty of time left in your life for jobs you hate in city\'s you hate.. go see the world.. live life on the edge for 6 months to a year..you always know where home is if it don\'t work out.. I say go and don\'t look back and follow your heart.

 

[Queenoftheunifrogs]

i hate cities too.

i may only be 22, but ive been through some pretty weird stuff relationship wise.

If you love her and you think you have a future then i think you are doing the right thing moving over to be with her....your relationship has been pretty long term anyway so thats a good sign.

one of the most important things in the world is to be happy, you have to grasp happiness wherever and whenever you can because sometimes if you let something good go you might never have a chance to get it back, or at least not in the same way. Life is a journey and if you have to travel then so be it....you can always get another job

i wish you good luck

 

[Sand Rat]

All I can advise Matty is the kzinti way of life - Scream and Leap.

 

[gohkm]

Mate, looks like you\'ve got it. If it don\'t work out and you need a serious change from Europe, drop me a line and you can use my couch in Australia for a couple of weeks.

Job-wise .. I\'ll help you out as much as I can while over here, too.

But here\'s hoping it don\'t come to that and you guys find happiness together.

And Matt, them words I quoted earlier that sounded like a romantic movie ... it\'s not a movie. It was a poem, I forget who, but I\'ll remember them for life - somebody said those very words to me. 2 months later, she died.