Drunken Ramble, Call for Help, wtf, whatever this is...

[dauber22]

Well, I\'ve been beaten to most of the good advice, so I\'ll just nod my head in agreement with what\'s already been said :yes: I guess the one thing I\'d add would be to remind you that for much, if not all, of her life, you will be the most important male influence in her life. Yeah, scary I know, but true for better or worse. And despite much of the palaver to the contrary, fathers (or the lack of them) are very influential in a child\'s development.
Oh, that, and... are you sure it\'s yours?

 

[freakinacage]

Originally posted by Dragonsreach

ps How\'s the hangover?

yeah i wanna know too!!

 

[DrEvilmonki]

Just a few questions for you my man.

You have lots of hobbies, that\'s cool. I imagine you enjoy spending time doing them; but do they give your life meaning or purpose?

You like hanging out with your friends, that\'s good to. But I would bet that when you see them they don\'t almost have a fit because they are so happy to see you. I rather imagine that they don\'t love you so much that you are the absolute center of their universe and you can do no wrong.

Why are you working 70+ hours? Don\'t get me wrong with this question, I don\'t think there is anything intrinsically wrong with that but have you actually sat down and asked yourself what you are achieving by doing so.

This will be a huge change in your life but you know what change is a good thing. If we didn\'t have variety in our life we would be pretty bored pretty quickly.

As to bringing your kids up well, to be honest I actually think that is a lot easier than most people think. Just be consistent with what you want from her but understand she is going to get it wrong a lot (after all she has to learn EVERYTHING from scratch - that can\'t be easy).

And last word - have fun. You really can find amusement in nearly every situation. My eldest son projectile vomited until he was about one (just gas problem) and to be honest once we figured out the warning signs it was fun making sure his aunties or grandma just happened to be holding him when he went!

 

[Gilvan Blight]

ARGH

ARGH - just typed out an I don\'t know how many word responce, and lost due to wrong password. This will have to be the shorter version as I remember it.

Okay to answer about the Hang Over. Let\'s put it this way, I\'m not replying until a day and a half later. I didn\'t wake up until 5:30PM yesterday, and I still have a sore neck and headach today at 4:00PM. When are they going to invent Counterberry Wine?

Okay I woke up this morning got ready for work and all that and kept thinking, first thing I am going to do when I have a few minutes is delete that rediculous post I made the other night.

I get here I sit down and I find I can\'t delete it now. I am shocked, amazed and honored by the amount of responses my bender has generated. It means a lot thanks.

In regards to questions asked and comments:

As is often the case the Bitch was in the Beer. I will admit to having some fears, some reservations and some misgivings about the pending addition to the family, but nothing of the sort I rambled on about the other day. Sure most of it\'s true in the fact that I have had those thoughts. But here now sober (heck even the day before I went out that night) all those worries and fears are tempered by hopes, dreams, wonder and curiosity of what is to come. The anxious good thoughts far out weigh the bad (when there aren\'t a few pints on the scales).

Even if it was a drunken rant, I have to thank everyone for their words. The encouragement, the honesty, the well wishes, and most of all the assurance of normality really helps.

I didn\'t expect this kind of response. When I made the post I think I was just looking for someone to say \"you\'re normal\", but who knows, my recollection of that night is far from perfect. I thought I would get a couple of posts from the regulars, or a note from a mod saying the post would be killed and that\'s it. I wasn\'t expecting so much of the community to replay. Heck I even got a lurker to post, how cool is that (Welcome Aboard!).

DR - I think the School-Prof attitude did rub me the wrong way when I returned to CMON after a long break. Apology accepted and I give you one in turn: Sorry I misunderstood your CMON \'parenting\' for more then it was intended to be.

I know I had a ton more stuff in the original reply, I hate it when that happens.

I went on today planning on deleting this thread, now having read the support within I am more tempted to print it out, toss it in the \'baby book\' and pull it out whenever I feel lost again. Thanks CMON for again proving to be the best Family on the web.

 

[philologus]

As a Father of 3 ranging in age from 5 to 13, Here\'s my 2 cents:

Some of what I say will sound counter-intuitive to folks around you, but here goes.

1. This child will take a lot of your time but the first rule of good parenting is to put your marriage before your kids. (I know some cringe when I say that, but hear me out) Many people make the mistake of concentrating so much on the demands of parenting that they forget to nurture their marriages. Remember that your promise to your wife is until death, your kids will likely be moving out long before then (at least that\'s the hope). Also since you\'re having a daughter, your committment to your wife and you treatment of her will inform your daughters decision in choosing a spouse. If you want her to pick one like Daddy, then be the husband to your wife that you would want for your daughter. This can be tough when the youngin\' is still breast-feeding etc. but take the kid for a night every now and again and send your wife out to buy something for herself or just enjoy time away. Little things like that will remind her that you still value her. Be prepared for possible post-partem depression with her as well and exercise some patience with her in that regard.

2. If you haven\'t already, talk NOW with your wife about how you would handle: discipline, religious upbringing (particularly if you subscribe to a different faith than the wife), ethical considerations. You may think this is premature but you might be surprised at how many couples fight over how discipline etc. is exercised at the time it happens. Laying a little groundwork now and setting agreement will pay off.

3. Start an account for the curtain-climber now. Save for the kid and plan on teaching financial responsibility from early on. One of the best things my wife and I did was start a checking account for our kid when he turned 12. He is learning something that a lot of Americans don\'t learn until it\'s too late.

Anyway, take it for what it\'s worth, from my experiences. Parenting is one of the greatest rewards ever and has enhanced my marriage in that every time I look at my kids, I think of the love my wife and I share for each other.

 

[airhead]

Great advice has already been given. If I may summarize?

1. Your life will change the minute you hold your daughter.

2. Phil ologist is right, decide how to raise her. Don\'t be too strict, don\'t be too lenient.

3. Love them. You may dislike what they do, but love them and let them know it. Girls especially need to know that they are loved.

4. Hug often then some more.

5. There are books out there, but most of the authors\' kids have committed suicide, so take their advice with a grain of salt.

6. Each kid is different, what works for one may not work for another.

7. You are her DAD, not always her friend. For the longest time she will think you hung the moon just for her. Enjoy that period of life.

8. Don\'t be too busy making a living to live. The small things in her life will be so important to her. Tea parties, kindergaden graduation, having Saturday afternoon with Dad on the boat or at the movies.

9. Your hobbies may have to be put on hold. Don\'t fret. They\'ll be there when she grows up a bit and the living room is not covered with swings and play pens and car seats and diaper bags and.....

10. Love your wife for giving you this special gift. If your church offers a granny night - take advantage of it when she is a bit older. Take your wife out on a date every now and then.

 

[dauber22]

@philologus - I believe that was closer to $1.75 than 2 cents but very wise words none the less. Even as one for whom the relationships didn\'t work out, I will attest to the sagacity of your advice. Good job.

 

[philologus]

Originally posted by dauber22
@philologus - I believe that was closer to $1.75 than 2 cents but very wise words none the less. Even as one for whom the relationships didn\'t work out, I will attest to the sagacity of your advice. Good job.

Thanks! My wife and I have a great relationship thanks to this same advice given to us when we married.

 

[spazzy]

It really warms my heart to hear so much good advice being given. It\'s easy to see that these are good loving families!

I know that there have been a few posts from the moms, but here\'s mine.

Your wife is probably just as concerned. She\'s also the one with the swelling feet, wierd cravings, morning sickness, and maybe even a desire to get very drunk that she can\'t act out on. And reguardless of how much you read up on it, the idea of pushing a baby out through something that it actually shouldn\'t fit through is terrifying. Will it hurt? How bad? How will I know it\'s time? Do I want the whole family circus in the delivery room? What if baby\'s early? What if baby\'s late? There are hundreds of things that are worrying her, or will be soon, I promise. Talk about it with her, I\'m sure she\'ll be happy to know she\'s not the only nervous one.

We have a 4 year old daughter and just 7 weeks ago had our little boy, so this is all very fresh in my memory. You will get parenting and pregnancy advice from almost everybody you meet, even complete strangers. There will be times that this will totally piss you off. I even quit answering the phone in the last month of my pregnancy because I was getting at least three phone calls a day from people asking if I\'d had the baby yet. I put a message on the answering machine that said \"No baby yet, leave a message.\" I didn\'t want to go out in public because of all the people that would look at me and say, \"you still haven\'t had that baby?!\" I wanted to say, yes, I did, but now I\'m just fat. Duh! Just remember that it\'s all done with the best of intentions, and try to keep your grumblings to yourself.

Your life has changed, and will change, but as said before, you can still have your friends over, and you can still go out. Give your wife time out, and take time out together. Be observant, has she had time to do housework while you were at work? When you get home ask her if she would like you to take the baby or if she wants you to start a load of laundry and make dinner. Has she had the time to shower recently? Would she like to go to the grocery store by herself, while you take care of the baby? Be able to laugh at yourselves. I laughed so hard I cried the first time my hubby changed our daughter\'s poopy diaper. I was telling him how to do it, and when I told him to hold her by the ankles and lift up her bottom, he pushed her knees into her tummy rather than lifting straight up. This squeezed her belly a little and she shot poo straight at him, hit him right in the middle of the chest. It surprised him so much he almost fell backwards. \"oh my God, she just shot me!\" he says. Aaah.

And don\'t feel like a horrible parent if in your sleep deprived state you put the diaper on backwards. That\'s normal, too.