Dumb crimes

Equus

New member
Okay, this is pretty long since I had to paste it from an email. I also pasted part of an article in the Seattle Times archive at the bottom. Seems the story isn\'t all that far off. :p

> >I don\'t know if this is true or a Hoax, but it is definately
> >the dream that most cops have at some point in their
> >career...
> >
> >
> >( LOOKS LIKE THE WINNER RIGHT HERE )
> >
> >
> >Subject: First candidate for the 2005 Darwin Award
> >
> >
> >Darwin Awards...And I think we just may have a winner...!
> >
> >The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington
> >State, appeared to be the robber\'s first (and last), due to his lack of a
> >previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:
> >
> >1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop specializing in
> >handguns.
> >
> >2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
> >
> >3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police car
> >parked at the front door.
> >
> >4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
> >work.
> >
> >Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up, and
> >fired a few wild shots from a .22 target pistol. The officer and a clerk
> >promptly returned fire, the police officer with a 9mm Glock 17, the clerk
> >with a .50 Desert Eagle, assisted by several customers who also drew
their
> >guns, several of whom also fired.
> >
> >The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
> >investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
> >subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds
> >from 7 different weapons.
> >
> >No one else was hurt in the exchange of fire.


Business: Sunday, February 04, 1990

Man Killed In Robbery Attempt

A would-be robber who was shot in a battle with a King County police officer and a clerk at a Renton Highlands gun shop died last night at a Seattle hospital, police said.

<NAME OMITTED>, 33, of Renton died about 8:15 p.m. at Harborview Medical Center, Renton police said. No one else was injured.

Hospital officials said <the perpetrator> had been operated on for gunshot wounds to the chest.

Renton police Capt. Don Persson said the on-duty officer and the clerk both opened fire on <the perpetrator> as he tried to rob H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd., 4047 N.E. Sunset Blvd., about 4:40 p.m. ``after the suspect fired first.\'\'

Police declined to identify the officer involved.

It had not been determined whether <the perpetrator> was hit by shots from the officer\'s gun, the clerk\'s gun, or both, Persson said from the

gun shop as he investigated the incident.

The store was full of customers when the shooting happened, Persson said. He said the police officer, whom he described as a veteran, had gone into the store to ``pick something up.\'\'

``The surprising thing is that the man had to walk right past a marked police car to get in the front door,\'\' Persson said. He said the suspect announced his intent to rob the store, spied the police officer and opened fire.


EDIT - I realized I should probably omit the alleged perp\'s name in the post, just in case. Not that I expect to be litigated against, but never really hurts to be safe. :p
 

Mosch

Active member
We had a stupid robbery here too...

Some guy tried to rob a butcher down the street. He didn\'t speak German very well.... he got up to the counter, wearing his ski mask and demanded \"Kasse raus!\" (\"Give me the money!\"). Problem is, through the ski mask and with his really bad accent, the woman behind the counter understood \"Kassler raus!\" (\"Give me the meat!\") and said she would have to go and cut some of it. She returned with the meat and a cleaver and asked how much he wanted. Once again, \"Kasse raus\", and she just aised the cleaver to cleave through the meat. He seemed to misunderstand that gesture and fled in panic, about 5 metres down the street into a small office supply shop. Up to the counter and \"Kasse raus!\". The clerk didn\'t understand a word and told to wait in line until it was his turn. That idiot of a robber just left the shop and sat down to wait for the bus - directly between the two stores he tried to rob.
Well, in the meantime the butcher had understood what had just happened and called the police....
 

Shawn R. L.

New member
Here in Santa Rosa a few years back a fellow broke into the wrong house. The people inside caught him and, with a frying pan, beat the living daylights out of the guy. There was a picture of the guy in the paper when he was in court. What a mess!! Patches of hair missing!! Hooray for the good guys.

I also heard of a guy who broke into an old ladys home, threatened her and told her to get money. She said \"OK but I have to get it out of my purse\"...........Pumped the dude full of lead. Grama was packin\' heat in her purse!!!
 

Tylith

New member
Originally posted by No Such Agency
Man, you DON\'T go up against a Desert Eagle with a .22. Foo needed to play more CS before he went a\'robbin.

DEagle is overrated in CS... with a 7 round clip you can\'t do a lot of killing before you have to reload. I stick with USP (Or dual 9mm barettas, just for fun lol)
 

frenchkid

New member
Originally posted by Tylith
Originally posted by No Such Agency
Man, you DON\'T go up against a Desert Eagle with a .22. Foo needed to play more CS before he went a\'robbin.

DEagle is overrated in CS... with a 7 round clip you can\'t do a lot of killing before you have to reload. I stick with USP (Or dual 9mm barettas, just for fun lol)

DEagle works just fine, you only need one round :p So that gives you 7 attempt to terminate the guy. I never leave without my trusty DEagle and Artic ( Yes I\'m a sniper !!!:p)
 

Tylith

New member
Just about any gun can take you out in 1 shot (in the head), even a USP... But the USP comes with more rounds, optional silencer, faster reloading and faster shooting... Dualies have 30 rounds in all :D

Oh back to the \"Dumb Crimes\"

I once saw a video of a guy (Employee) trying to rob a store with a paper bag over his head... He didn\'t even cut eye holes so he was falling over everything... He was caught pretty fast. lol
 

Naukhel

Active member
Story told during UPS driver training...

I didn\'t make this up. I don\'t know, though, if it\'s true or not.

A UPS delivery truck, hauling a fairly large load of computer equipment, was cut off and blocked by an armed man, who made the driver exit the vehicle, and demanded the keys. The lady UPS driver said something like \"Okay, I\'ll give them to you, but I have to take down your driver\'s license information first, so that I know you can drive a stick shift. Otherwise, I\'ll get in trouble.\"

And, according to the story, he gave her his driver\'s license, and she copied his info down, called the police as he drove away with the equipment, and he was arrested the same day.
 

paintingploddy

New member
One of my favourites was the two morons who held up a petrol station near where I used to live. They then drove away only to have their car run out of petrol before they went half a block.

Then there is the one I came across last week. They did a burglary on a go cart place. They drove off in a truck with two go karts, while a brain surgeon decided he would drive a third one home. Unfortunately a go kart on a major road attracts a fair bit of attention so he didn\'t get far.

The funniest one was in court last month. A woman caught a taxi in Melbourne, and two guys offered to share the fare. They headed out west into the suburbs. The woman got out, and paid the driver. One of the males climbed in the front seat, and demanded the money she had paid as the taxi drove off. The driver refused to hand over the note, so our brave crook punched him. The driver wisely decided $20.00 wasn\'t worth the pain and handed it over. Our crook then made him go to a 7/11. The crook went inside and stole some food. The taxi driver went for help from another taxi driver nearby. When our crook came back he finds the taxi with the driver gone and the keys in the ignition. Off he drives. After a short while he decides this is too risky, so he dumps the taxi near home and heads for home.

This was all caught on the surveillance system. So you see him change seats, you see him punch the driver, you see him climb in the driver\'s seat, and you see him drive off munching his ill gotten pie. You see him run off.

He forgot one thing though. In the back seat you see his mate. As the trip goes on the mate leans to the left, until he is horizontal on the back seat. When our crook takes off he leaves behind his mate who is still asleep in the taxi when the police find it. Because he didn\'t know what happened he is quite happy to tell us his mates name.
 

Tylith

New member
Originally posted by paintingploddy
One of my favourites was the two morons who held up a petrol station near where I used to live. They then drove away only to have their car run out of petrol before they went half a block.

Then there is the one I came across last week. They did a burglary on a go cart place. They drove off in a truck with two go karts, while a brain surgeon decided he would drive a third one home. Unfortunately a go kart on a major road attracts a fair bit of attention so he didn\'t get far.

The funniest one was in court last month. A woman caught a taxi in Melbourne, and two guys offered to share the fare. They headed out west into the suburbs. The woman got out, and paid the driver. One of the males climbed in the front seat, and demanded the money she had paid as the taxi drove off. The driver refused to hand over the note, so our brave crook punched him. The driver wisely decided $20.00 wasn\'t worth the pain and handed it over. Our crook then made him go to a 7/11. The crook went inside and stole some food. The taxi driver went for help from another taxi driver nearby. When our crook came back he finds the taxi with the driver gone and the keys in the ignition. Off he drives. After a short while he decides this is too risky, so he dumps the taxi near home and heads for home.

This was all caught on the surveillance system. So you see him change seats, you see him punch the driver, you see him climb in the driver\'s seat, and you see him drive off munching his ill gotten pie. You see him run off.

He forgot one thing though. In the back seat you see his mate. As the trip goes on the mate leans to the left, until he is horizontal on the back seat. When our crook takes off he leaves behind his mate who is still asleep in the taxi when the police find it. Because he didn\'t know what happened he is quite happy to tell us his mates name.

lol I would feel pretty bad if I got my friend arrested though...
 

vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by Equus
EDIT - I realized I should probably omit the alleged perp\'s name in the post, just in case. Not that I expect to be litigated against, but never really hurts to be safe. :p
Don\'t worry. You can\'t slander the dead.
 

vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by Tylith
But the USP comes with more rounds, optional silencer,
Did you ever see a short-lived TV show called \"Sledge Hammer?\"
It was basically a Dirty Harry spoof.
In one episode he hooks this big tubular thing to the end of his firearm.
His partner says \"That\'s a strange looking silencer.\"
Hammer looks at her in confusion and says \"Silencer? That\'s a loudener.\"
lol
 

Lurch

New member
ABC13 Eyewitness News
(12/11/04 – SANTA FE, TX) — A video game notorious for violence and mature content may have actually saved a Santa Fe family.

Back in March, Sandy Wilson was taking care of her three grandsons when a group of men attempted to burglarize her home, pointing a gun at the kids.

The children happened to be playing a video game called Grand Theft Auto at the time. The game has dozens of random police scanner messages, which blare out calls such as \"This is the police! You’re surrounded!\" Believe it or not, Wilson says the burglars heard that message and thought police were outside the door waiting for them.

Galveston County Asst DA Michael Elliott explained, \"The police in the game were staying, \'Stop, we have you surrounded. This is the police.’ The burglar, unknowingly, thought this was the actual police and panicked ... being apprehended by Playstation.\"

\"Thinking that it was pretty funny,\" recalled young victim Chaze Fisher. \"How they were, like, ran off, and they got all scared over a game.\"

Police arrested the four men. Samuel Woodrow received a five-year prison sentence this week. Ronnie Farris is serving four years. Lucas Griffin got probation. And Zachary Brandenburg’s trial is in January.
 

Tylith

New member
Originally posted by vincegamer
Originally posted by Tylith
But the USP comes with more rounds, optional silencer,
Did you ever see a short-lived TV show called \"Sledge Hammer?\"
It was basically a Dirty Harry spoof.
In one episode he hooks this big tubular thing to the end of his firearm.
His partner says \"That\'s a strange looking silencer.\"
Hammer looks at her in confusion and says \"Silencer? That\'s a loudener.\"
lol

ROFL a loudener!
The only tactical advantage I can think of having that one for would be intimidating the enemy lol
 

Equus

New member
Oh my gosh...I remember Sledgehammer! That show was great! OK...maybe not \"great\", but it was amusing.
 

vincegamer

Active member
Originally posted by Equus
Oh my gosh...I remember Sledgehammer! That show was great! OK...maybe not \"great\", but it was amusing.
I liked Hammer\'s bumper sticker:

images.jpg
 

Shawn R. L.

New member
Man, I forgot about Sledgehammer. That was real comedy (it was done by the same guys that did Airplane, another classic).
 
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