Any other expats on this forum that gets the Christmas blues? I moved to the US to be with my wife and Minnesota has nothing in common with Australia, the really hard thing is my wife insists that we spend every Christmas with her parents and they insist on doing nothing different or incorporating my traditions in any way. To make it worse the in laws like to get drunk and berate me when they arn't making me work around the house. Now that I think about it, just putting this here as my father in law goes on another rant about how scum immigrants are, forgetting that I am one, and I have no other way to express the deep pain I have right now. Thanks for reading guys, I really need some better friends here.
Expat christmas blues
- Thread starter Wombat85
- Start date
Chrispy
Active member
Ah, the true meaning of Christmas- having to put up with your family.
If I was an advice column guru, I'd tell you in a nice way to pony up and use passive aggressive phrases. But here seems a situation that calls for a bit more oomph. I'd start with getting your wife on your side and telling her what makes you uncomfortable. Maybe start early next year incorporating your traditions into the family. You gotta remember, Midwest Americans get really set in their ways. My Dad's motto is pretty much "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Then I remind him of the Japanese saying: "If you enjoy something you've never tried before, you live an extra day".
Well, hope your family isn't driving you as crazy as mine! Merry Christmas!
If I was an advice column guru, I'd tell you in a nice way to pony up and use passive aggressive phrases. But here seems a situation that calls for a bit more oomph. I'd start with getting your wife on your side and telling her what makes you uncomfortable. Maybe start early next year incorporating your traditions into the family. You gotta remember, Midwest Americans get really set in their ways. My Dad's motto is pretty much "If it ain't broke, don't fix it". Then I remind him of the Japanese saying: "If you enjoy something you've never tried before, you live an extra day".
Well, hope your family isn't driving you as crazy as mine! Merry Christmas!
Zab
New member
My wife in true Canadian fashion would say "Just kill them with kindness (it makes them look even worse)". My in-laws used to have the same xenophobia (they are Maltese who have been living in Canada fro 25+ years) until I politely pointed out to them that only one of their seven kids married another Maltese person. They paled a little when they realized that their "strong Maltese family" had it's blood line severely diluted by moving to Canada and that all the grand kids who weren't from that one pure Maltese family looked and acted nothing like them. Give it time, every family is "renewed" and must create new traditions as older generations eventually become Christmas tree fertilizer...
From your international drinkin' buddies in Canada
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches...:sinister:
From your international drinkin' buddies in Canada
Oh Christmas tree, Oh Christmas tree, how lovely are your branches...:sinister:
laurence
Brushlover
Hi Wombat85,
Sorry to hear that you're apparently having a dreadful time staying at your in-laws. I remember driving through Hobart, Tasmania years and years ago while out there touring with a blues band, and the drummer from the band we were sharing the bill with made the funny yet true comment that the snow on the surrounding mountains was as cold as your mother-in-laws kiss. I'd say just talk to your wife about it, and try and be magnanimous towards your wife's parents. Stuff 'em. If they want to be insensitive and shallow-minded about things that's their problem, not yours. You're better than that!! Maybe you can put a positive and humourous spin on things? I mean let's face it, this time next week you'll be outta there. Give 'em your love too. Love works wonders!!
Sorry to hear that you're apparently having a dreadful time staying at your in-laws. I remember driving through Hobart, Tasmania years and years ago while out there touring with a blues band, and the drummer from the band we were sharing the bill with made the funny yet true comment that the snow on the surrounding mountains was as cold as your mother-in-laws kiss. I'd say just talk to your wife about it, and try and be magnanimous towards your wife's parents. Stuff 'em. If they want to be insensitive and shallow-minded about things that's their problem, not yours. You're better than that!! Maybe you can put a positive and humourous spin on things? I mean let's face it, this time next week you'll be outta there. Give 'em your love too. Love works wonders!!
Wombat, really sorry you have to put up with assholes as in laws. (BTDT)
Regretfully there is no "Right Answer" to dealing with them, which would not hurt your wife.
The only way to solve this, that I see, is to tell her you love her and it is because of that love you put up with what is fundamentally abuse.
Sometimes family members are "too close to one another" to see how hurtful others are.
Failing that just go all Croc Dundee on their Arses, or better still put on a fake Mexican accent when they make you do stuff around their house and keep mentioning the Immigration Service.
By the way if they are not First Nations then perhaps they need to be reminded of this:-
"...Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched masses of your teaming shore,
send these, the homeless, tempest tos't to me,...."
Immigrants all are their family.
Regretfully there is no "Right Answer" to dealing with them, which would not hurt your wife.
The only way to solve this, that I see, is to tell her you love her and it is because of that love you put up with what is fundamentally abuse.
Sometimes family members are "too close to one another" to see how hurtful others are.
Failing that just go all Croc Dundee on their Arses, or better still put on a fake Mexican accent when they make you do stuff around their house and keep mentioning the Immigration Service.
By the way if they are not First Nations then perhaps they need to be reminded of this:-
"...Give me your tired, your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
the wretched masses of your teaming shore,
send these, the homeless, tempest tos't to me,...."
Immigrants all are their family.
freakinacage
Well-known member
I'd ask him what native American tribe he's from because, chances are, that he's also an immigrant. ..
Thanks all. Sadly there is no win, I had tried in past years to address the issue, the problem is my wife has a law firm with her dad, so if I chime up she gets screamed at work about it, then she comes homes and screams at me. The bright spot is one of my sisters in law and my brother in law are good people who are nice to me. Was made to shovel for 2 hours first thing christmas morning while the father-in-law 'fixed some things inside', on the plus side I may just 'slide into him' during boot hockey and my sis in law (the shit one) may catch a high stick to the face, things are looking up already. Really helps to put shit like this out there to. Thanks again guys.
Demihuman
Active member
Well if nothing else you've made me appreciate my inlaws. They are wonderful folks. Maybe you should buy a snow blower, a BBQ and a Carrhart onesie. Just stay outside grilling and plowing! Plow the whole neighborhood and invite the neighbors over for BBQ.
Also I'm with milosh, have a drink on them!
Also I'm with milosh, have a drink on them!
Wombat this really does sound like an abusive relationship from a bullying father.
Sadly I can't think of any solutions which wouldn't backfire on your wife at work.
But I have to be harsh here your wife's at fault as well as she's sounding like she's just being passive about the abuse. Perhaps she also needs to step away from this as it doesn't sound healthy at all.
Sadly I can't think of any solutions which wouldn't backfire on your wife at work.
But I have to be harsh here your wife's at fault as well as she's sounding like she's just being passive about the abuse. Perhaps she also needs to step away from this as it doesn't sound healthy at all.
airhead
Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
I like the idea of staying home and having a BBQ for friends and family. Maybe you could talk your wife into alternating years between her family and yours or staying at your place?
We stayed home this year and had friends and family over. 10 for Christmas eve dinner and 13 for Christmas morning. I smoked two large turkey breasts that came out wonderful - but can only imagine what an Auzzie could do with a BBQ on Christmas.(fried gator? )..
My folks are 1500 miles away - so we cannot just drop over for a party, but we do still try to get together on at least one major holiday a year (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence day, opening day of dove season, etc...) Most of the time it is a good time for all, but there are lots of us and it is easy to focus on the negative. Try to find a bright spot and keep focused on it.
We stayed home this year and had friends and family over. 10 for Christmas eve dinner and 13 for Christmas morning. I smoked two large turkey breasts that came out wonderful - but can only imagine what an Auzzie could do with a BBQ on Christmas.(fried gator? )..
My folks are 1500 miles away - so we cannot just drop over for a party, but we do still try to get together on at least one major holiday a year (Christmas, Thanksgiving, Independence day, opening day of dove season, etc...) Most of the time it is a good time for all, but there are lots of us and it is easy to focus on the negative. Try to find a bright spot and keep focused on it.
airhead
Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
Carmilla,
I'm not a psychiatrist, shrink or anything. Nor have I played one on TV, but you post sounds like holiday depression has set in pretty hard.
Do something to cheer up - go out to dinner, a movie, call in pizza and get a red box movie. Something.
The holiday is past so I assume you didn't go?
A long talk with your family might be in order.
I'm not a psychiatrist, shrink or anything. Nor have I played one on TV, but you post sounds like holiday depression has set in pretty hard.
Do something to cheer up - go out to dinner, a movie, call in pizza and get a red box movie. Something.
The holiday is past so I assume you didn't go?
A long talk with your family might be in order.
Thank you for that thats what i thought now she wants to pick me up from three hours away and go to San Fran for the day while my hubby works..not into it..third day of pressure in a row dont know these people dont want to go looking for a third excuse so depressed thanks though
