posted on 9-28-2007 at 11:48 PM
Okay, I\'ll tell a story about my best moment. Those of you who don\'t like long posts may want to skip this. I don\'t know how long it\'ll get, and it is not going to start out good.
My parents divorced when I was 14. Great timing, huh?! Mom ran away with my dad\'s best friend. They\'d been having problems, and my father had taken steps to make the marriage work. Gotten his anger under control a lot better. Mind you, he never laid a finger on Mom or us kids. Took it out on objects, not people. It was even to the point where he was doing laundry! In my young teenage eyes, things were going to be all right the day I saw that. The world was a good place, and that everything was going to settle down and we\'d be a happy family again. For the first time in a long time, I wasn\'t worried about how life was going.
Mom left that weekend. In the middle of the night, with no goodbye.
I turned bitter and cynical. Not hard for a teenager in the best of situations, and life had really layered on the misery. I was even sent to counseling with a psychiatrist. Dad was concerned that I was angry. NO! REALLLLY?! The doc, after about four or five sessions, told my Dad not to waste money on his services. I was normal, and I was going to be pissed for a long time. Remarkably, I didn\'t turn to drugs or alcohol, and I didn\'t think about suicide. Murder, however, did occur a couple of times in my twisted little mind. I guess I was too smart for my own good; I never could think of a way to do it where I wouldn\'t be caught.
Luckily, college was the escape I was looking for. I sat down when it came time to apply to different places with a map of the US. Around every relative I knew well enough to visit, I drew a six-hour drive and didn\'t apply to any college that was in those circles. Far enough away that I wouldn\'t be expected to go visit every weekend, but enough that I could make it places during holidays.
Got a full ride scholarship at Northwestern Mississippi State, but declined. I was accepted at Duke. Or was it North Carolina State? I don\'t recall, but it was too far away. Friends of mine who were basketball fans were appalled that I wasn\'t going to go, since the school was high on the national rankings at the time. And so, the choice was made: Uni of Missouri at Rolla. Had a dorm room assigned and a roommate named.
Then, two weeks before their deadline, I get a glossy brochure from the University of Colorado at Boulder. An aerial shot of the campus took my breath away. Anybody that\'s been through there will probably agree that it’s a beautiful place. They had the degree I wanted, and a really strong program. I asked to go, and was given the green light. Got accepted and headed off to the mountains.
It snows in Colorado. A LOT, at times. That year it snowed in November, and that snow lasted until February. I\'ve got pictures of it. I think it was somewhere around 18 inches or so (half a meter for our metric friends). I, being a freshman, was required to live on campus. Off I trudge in this deep, deep snow to class. Still bitter, mind you. And now I have to go to class, in the snow, uphill. I won\'t cliche it by saying it was both ways. Walking to class takes twenty minutes or so. And I think it was an 8AM class, so I got up early. Hard to imagine now anything that late being \"early\", but such is life. I\'m running a little late, but that shouldn\'t be a big issue. It was a big class, and halfway across campus from the dorms. Probably lots of people are late. I finally make it to the doors of the room.
It’s empty. All classes have been canceled. Rather than being the happy schoolboy released from the shackles of learning, I\'m pissed even more. I got up for this? I walked in the cold and the snow for a CANCELED notice?
At this point, I probably didn\'t need a jacket. I\'m steamed. I could probably walk naked and melt a good radius of snow around me instantly.
So, I did what comes naturally. I decide to go back to bed. Out the door, down the sidewalk back to the dorm. It appears that I\'m the ONLY person on campus who didn\'t connect \"big snow\" and \"classes will be canceled\". So, with an enrollment of 50,000 students, I\'m the ONLY one outside. And since the roads are so icy and blocked, there are no cars out and about. No birds to chirp, no windows blaring music. It is Quiet. End of the World Quiet. And then I walk down a small road between two dorms to get to another sidewalk.
And I stop.
On my left and right are pine trees filled with enormous pillows of snow. The road is solid white and perfect. No tires tracks; no foot path. Above is a sky the most wonderful shade of royal blue you could imagine, unbroken by even the smallest cloud or wisp. I\'d only seen that shade once before, in a dream. (Yes, I dream in color.) All of this with CU\'s red sandstone buildings as backdrop. And what is framed by all this? The Flatirons. Sheer rock faces tilted an almost an unbelievable angle.
And so I stand there. Five minutes. Maybe ten. For all I know I stood fixed at that spot for an hour. Unmoving; my breathing and my heart the only things breaking the silence.
And in that time, all my hurt, all my anger, bitterness, resentment and pain was sucked away. And I was happy.
Not your ordinary happy, mind you. This was what the Buddhists call nirvana. I was happy for anything and everything. Hungry? What joy! Full? Equally soothing! Cold? Hot? Wet? Dry? None of it mattered. I was happy to be where ever I was, doing what ever I was doing, and was happy.
So that day was the greatest moment in my life. Not when I got married. Not when the kids were born. Just one, simple, beautiful day when all the pain left.
Cheers!