Speaking of funny stories, I can\'t help but share this one from another message board I\'m on.
By the way, for the Non-North Americans out there, the Miami Dolphins are an American Football team (American Footbal, not European) and Dan Marino was a star quarterback for the Dolphins back in the 90s.
I\'ve got a buddy (\"Screamer\") who is the most obnoxious fan ever in his support of the Miami Dolphins. Everything in his house is Dolphins. Dolphin flag on the flagpole, Dolphin wheelcover on his jeep, dog named Shula, kid named Zach Thomas. You get the picture.
Well, years ago (1994 I think), Miami missed the playoffs on the last game of the season when Pete Stoyanovich missed a last second FG to lose a game to San Diego. My brother in NJ, who also knows this guy, had taped the game. So that night he calls him up and plays the last few seconds over the phone to him (\"THE KICK IS UP ... ITS NO GOOD! NO GOOD! DOLPHINS LOSE!\") *Click* ... he hangs up.
So my brother calls to tell me what he did and that he plans on calling him every night until the Super Bowl. Well, the wheels start to turn in my head.
The next day the NY Post has this backpage headline that says \"DEAD FISH!\" with a picture of Stoyo\'s head bowed in shame after the miss. So I clip it out and on the way home I stop off at the grocery store and buy a trout. I wrap the trout in the paper, put it in a box, and wrap it in some Miami Dolphin wrapping paper that I somehow had (don\'t ask). So that night I drive over to Screamers street, park my car down the block, and sneak up to his house and drop the box on his doorstep.
No sooner do I get home then my phone rings. Its Screamer. I manage to plead ignorance enough but hes still suspicious. Well, in the meantime my brothers daily 7pm calls continue and Screamer starts going insane.
I pick up a Dan Marino action figure at the department store and cut it into little pieces and stick it in an envelope with a note that says:
\"Got real exasperated game day, eh numb nuts? Even Humphries yawned.\" and I signed it \"Sidd Finch.\" The first letter of every word spells out my name ... , so Sidd Finch was supposed to be a tipoff (Humphries was the Chargers QB against Miami btw).
So next Sunday all the guys are over Screamers house and he\'s telling them the story and showing them the box the fish came in and the note and Dan Marinos remains. And they all think its me of course, but I just laugh and deny it. So while we\'re there, Screamers wife calls my wife to talk about something and while they\'re on the phone, their call waiting clicks. So she goes over to the other line and who is it? Yup ... my brother calling in another hit (\"THE KICK IS UP... \"). So there I am with an airtight alibi. I\'m AT HIS HOUSE as his wife is on the phone TALKING TO MY HOUSE and the call comes in.
From that point forward I was off the suspect list to the point he\'d even confide in me about his list of suspect.
And every night the phone call would come (THE KICK IS UP...!).
And every night Screamer would go a little bit more insane.
Well week 2 I delivered another package. I had a cassette tape of \"Tough Enough\" by the Fabulous Thunderbirds and I dubbed onto it snippets of my brothers tape (THE KICK IS UP ...!). I put together another Sidd Finch type note that spelled out my last name again (I dont\' remember how it went but I reference the fish in it I had left) and also included a copy of the receipt from the grocery store from when I bought the trout.
Well, that got him going.
Screamer then goes to the grocery store to talk to the manager to see if they had surveillance tapes. LOL ... no go. Bwahahaha!
And the calls continue (THE KICK IS UP ...!).
Well, Super Bowl Sunday rolls around and every year someone in our group takes a turn to host the Super Bowl party (SF vs SD). That year it was our friend Paul. So I call my brother and give him Pauls number. Heh, heh. At halftime, Screamer stands up in the middle of the room and tells the whole story to our whole group and brings out all the evidence (the notes, Dan Marino, \"Tough Enough\" etc) and while he\'s doing this ... the phone rings.
\"Hello? Is Screamer there?\"
One minute please. Pauls wife walks the phone over to Screamer and interrupts his story.
Screamer goes \"Hello?\"
\"THE KICK IS UP ... ITS NO GOOD! THE DOLPHINS LOSE!\"
*click*
Part II
I\'m back. Okay, where were we? Oh yeah ... 1994. Well that Super Bowl was the final hit of the year for Screamer and I can still vividly recall he and walking home that night and him telling me all his theories about who it was.
Late that summer Screamers dad (also known as Screamer in his younger days) got diagnosed with cancer. My family is very good friends with his whole family. His folks were at my wedding, etc. Back then I\'d stop by his dad\'s every now and again on my way home from work to see how he was doing and we\'d sit and talk. Well, he started to take a turn for the worse and it was obvious he wasn\'t going to make it much longer. Screamers brother from Colorado even flew in to see his dad before it was too late. So one afternoon I stop off and realizing it may be the last time I see him .... I took a gamble and in front of Screamers brother I told his dad the secret ... I was Sidd Finch. You\'ve never seen a bigger \"you-know-what eating\" grin come over someone\'s face. He laughed and laughed and laughed and told me how it serves him right! LOL!
The season begins and all the guys are over Screamers for opening day. Right at 1 pm the phone rings. I don\'t even need to say who it is, do I? (THE KICK IS UP!!!).
Every Sunday at either 1 pm or 4 pm (depending on when Miami played) the phone would ring at Screamers house. And every Sunday he would begin to descend further and further into madness.
At the time I had a woman who worked for me who was from Miami. So I would give her letters containing copies of the original trout receipt to send to her sister in Florida. The sister would then drop them in the mailbox and Screamer would just scratch his head about how come that damn trout receipt kept getting mailed to him from Miami.
We\'d also dump copies of it in mailboxes around the country. Whereever a co worker or my brother was going on business, the trout receipt would get photocopied and Screamer would get another \"letter bomb\" as we called them.
And then Screamers dad died. As it turns out the funeral was scheduled for a Sunday and there would be a party at Screamers house afterwards. Well, obviously we weren\'t gonna call in a hit on that day. So we\'re at the party and Screamers brother from Colorado goes to me \"Didn\'t your brother make the call?\" And I\'m like \"No way! Its not appropriate.\" And his brother then tells me how his dad would\'ve wanted nothing more than for the call to be made that day.
Ok. I relented. I called my brother and told him ... \"the hit is on.\" He was reluctant until I explained. And then he agreed. And sure enough in the middle of that post funeral party ... the call came (THE KICK IS UP...!) and Screamers brother and I exchanged a knowing glance.
Well, thats the way it went for a few years. Every Sunday at kickoff the call would come in. And every few months Screamer would go out to his mailbox and his grip on sanity would weaken. Eventually it came down sporadic calls during big games (always the Super Bowl) as our interest waned.
Fast forward to couple of years ago.
Our friend Paul, his oldest daughter is getting married one Saturday and we\'re all going to the wedding. Screamer calls Paul that morning and disguises his voice and tells him he\'s the manager from the reception hall and that there is a problem with the prime rib and they won\'t be able to serve any of the guests their meals. Paul buys it and goes nuts until Screamer finally lets him off the hook.
The story is eventually relayed to my brother in NJ who is outraged and makes a fateful decision. He was gonna \"hit\" Screamer again. We can all see where this is gonna end up, right? Yup. You got it ... caller ID.
No sooner does my brother hang up than his phone rings. We\'re busted. He quickly calls me to let me know and sure enough ... Screamer calls me. Its all over ... except ... for ... one little trump card.
Screamer swears revenge upon us and that even if it takes years he\'ll get us.
\"Oh yeah? Hey Screamer .. theres one member of the conspiracy you\'ll never be able to get.\"
\"Oh yeah? Who\'s that?\"
\"Your dad!\"
\"My dad?\"
So I explained to him how even his now dear departed father was in on it. Screamer thinks on it for a bit and then says \"Well, theres probably no getting back at him.\"
No. No theres not.
