How to be a man.....
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Badkarma1354
New member
Your not a man till you get a truck stuck in a ditch and then single-handedly pull it back out with your bare hands.
Ok, so i had a little help.lol
Ok, so i had a little help.lol
BloodiedFangs
New member
does pulling a quad bike out of a dam count??
(ok, so probably i shoulda been paying more attention to where i was going...and maybe not going quite so fast. but hey, its not like it was ME who put the dam there)
yrret
Member
I can tell you one thing...
At NO POINT does a man \"phoof\" ANYTHING.
Originally posted by tooshy
Hmmm....I wouldn\'t know the answer to that.
I don\'t make the bed....I just phoof the duvet back in the morning to air the bed and then it gets phoofed back again when I get into bed later on
At NO POINT does a man \"phoof\" ANYTHING.
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Active member
Does that make my mother a man? I believe she no longer ovulates........lol
No a real man would wrap some greasy cloth around it.
The hammer testing in the isles has to involve smacking it against your wrist to test the wieght to qualify for manly status.
I also test the sharpness of my chisels at work by slicing skin off my fingers.If a blade can pare skin its good enough for pine.
I also do silly things like trying to pull hot drill bits out that are stuck resulting in hand burns.
The hammer testing in the isles has to involve smacking it against your wrist to test the wieght to qualify for manly status.
I also test the sharpness of my chisels at work by slicing skin off my fingers.If a blade can pare skin its good enough for pine.
I also do silly things like trying to pull hot drill bits out that are stuck resulting in hand burns.
DarkStar
Member
Rubbish!
This talk of \"being a man\" seems like pure rubbish to me....
Seeing as how you\'re all English, you wouldn\'t have the first concept.
Heres the rundown as I see it from a Yanks point of view...
Opening Jars...why be bothered when beer only comes in cans or bottles?
Calling someone Son...the reverse holds true here, when they should all be calling me \"Dad\"
Doing a proper side tackle...Point #1, Umm, we play Football here not \"Footy\"...
Point #2, there are no Womens leagues in Football.
Sharpening a pencil with a Stanley knife...my dear Mother used to do that while she served as a Gunnery Sergeant on a Battleship.
Going to the tip...What kind of man would ever throw anything away in the first place? Hey, is that what\'s left of my half of a Planet of the Apes hand puppet from when i was 9? Stand back from that trashcan before you lose an arm!
Drinking up...Umm, i\'m not clear on why you would you be leaving the bar in the first place?
Having a think bit of wood for stirring paint...although nostalgic, my wife doesn\'t use that kind of paint anymore...
Scars...I used to have a few scars on my leg, before that land mine took it off. Now there\'s just these damned nicks in the wood...
Besides, I actually have a facial knife wound to boot. Given to me on St. Patricks day in front of Bar by a Half-Naked Native American in the freezing rain during an argument over the American flag. The knife blade cut the cigarette I was smoking as well which caused the lit part to burn a hole in my collar. At least that shirt matches my knickers now.
Having stubble after a hangover...one would actually have to shave to be able to produce stubble.
Nodding at Coppers...As many times as I\'ve been to jail, I couldn\'t be bothered to nod, I just call them by their Pet Names when they ask me for a cig.
Using Power Tools...Nay, I say, the real test comes from using Power tools to construct devices that aid and enable you to use power tools with the only hand you have left after losing one to that damn miter saw.
Kicking a Footy against Garage Doors...here in America we don\'t play kickball. We play football....and I tell you son, if I catch you kicking that ball into my Garage Door once again...I\'ll give you a new meaning to the term \"Bend it like Beckham\".
You\'ll have to see a Chiropractor once a week for the rest of your life just to be able to pee standing up again.
Arriving at a pub late...Okay, once again; please explain to me why you left in the first place?
Watching your weight...In Britain, you have Mad Cow Disease. In America we have Fat Cow Buffets. Obesity is the new svelte over here. If I was any fatter, I\'d have to wear an asteroid belt. I have a tattoo of the McDonald\'s M on my wooden leg...well., actually, that\'s more like scrimshaw...but hey, I always have toothpicks handy!
Carving the Roast... Just hand me the gizzard please...enough with your fancy knife play.
Winking...If I winked with the one eye I had left, then how could I look down her blouse?
Test Swinging Hammers...As far as I know, they don\'t sell jackhammers in Department stores here. And why would you swing one?
Taking out GBP 200...shouldn\'t that be \"Taking out 200 Euros\" at this point? Nuff said.
Phone calls that last less than a minute...hmm, that\'s tough to beat. Maybe I should borrow someone\'s phone and see if I can do it.
Parallel Parking...For God\'s sake...how do you Parallel Park a Harley?
Having Earned that Pint...Why would I have had to earn it? My wife should\'ve had that pint by my bedlamp already before I woke up.
Having something properly wrong with you...I guess that one\'s universal, what can I say? \"Sorry boss, can\'t come to work today, looks like I\'ve been taken hostage again...yeah, they\'ve let me use the satellite phone...okay, cya.\" That was like, 15 seconds tops.
Knowing which Screwdriver is which...Do you mean the vodka drink or the wrestling move?
Taking the Newspaper into the Loo...Perfectly acceptable when I run out of toilet paper and clean towels.
Calling your mate a c*nt...perhaps that is what I was doing here.
Hope you can take this stride, just having a larff. Cheers from America!
This talk of \"being a man\" seems like pure rubbish to me....
Seeing as how you\'re all English, you wouldn\'t have the first concept.
Heres the rundown as I see it from a Yanks point of view...
Opening Jars...why be bothered when beer only comes in cans or bottles?
Calling someone Son...the reverse holds true here, when they should all be calling me \"Dad\"
Doing a proper side tackle...Point #1, Umm, we play Football here not \"Footy\"...
Point #2, there are no Womens leagues in Football.
Sharpening a pencil with a Stanley knife...my dear Mother used to do that while she served as a Gunnery Sergeant on a Battleship.
Going to the tip...What kind of man would ever throw anything away in the first place? Hey, is that what\'s left of my half of a Planet of the Apes hand puppet from when i was 9? Stand back from that trashcan before you lose an arm!
Drinking up...Umm, i\'m not clear on why you would you be leaving the bar in the first place?
Having a think bit of wood for stirring paint...although nostalgic, my wife doesn\'t use that kind of paint anymore...
Scars...I used to have a few scars on my leg, before that land mine took it off. Now there\'s just these damned nicks in the wood...
Besides, I actually have a facial knife wound to boot. Given to me on St. Patricks day in front of Bar by a Half-Naked Native American in the freezing rain during an argument over the American flag. The knife blade cut the cigarette I was smoking as well which caused the lit part to burn a hole in my collar. At least that shirt matches my knickers now.
Having stubble after a hangover...one would actually have to shave to be able to produce stubble.
Nodding at Coppers...As many times as I\'ve been to jail, I couldn\'t be bothered to nod, I just call them by their Pet Names when they ask me for a cig.
Using Power Tools...Nay, I say, the real test comes from using Power tools to construct devices that aid and enable you to use power tools with the only hand you have left after losing one to that damn miter saw.
Kicking a Footy against Garage Doors...here in America we don\'t play kickball. We play football....and I tell you son, if I catch you kicking that ball into my Garage Door once again...I\'ll give you a new meaning to the term \"Bend it like Beckham\".
You\'ll have to see a Chiropractor once a week for the rest of your life just to be able to pee standing up again.
Arriving at a pub late...Okay, once again; please explain to me why you left in the first place?
Watching your weight...In Britain, you have Mad Cow Disease. In America we have Fat Cow Buffets. Obesity is the new svelte over here. If I was any fatter, I\'d have to wear an asteroid belt. I have a tattoo of the McDonald\'s M on my wooden leg...well., actually, that\'s more like scrimshaw...but hey, I always have toothpicks handy!
Carving the Roast... Just hand me the gizzard please...enough with your fancy knife play.
Winking...If I winked with the one eye I had left, then how could I look down her blouse?
Test Swinging Hammers...As far as I know, they don\'t sell jackhammers in Department stores here. And why would you swing one?
Taking out GBP 200...shouldn\'t that be \"Taking out 200 Euros\" at this point? Nuff said.
Phone calls that last less than a minute...hmm, that\'s tough to beat. Maybe I should borrow someone\'s phone and see if I can do it.
Parallel Parking...For God\'s sake...how do you Parallel Park a Harley?
Having Earned that Pint...Why would I have had to earn it? My wife should\'ve had that pint by my bedlamp already before I woke up.
Having something properly wrong with you...I guess that one\'s universal, what can I say? \"Sorry boss, can\'t come to work today, looks like I\'ve been taken hostage again...yeah, they\'ve let me use the satellite phone...okay, cya.\" That was like, 15 seconds tops.
Knowing which Screwdriver is which...Do you mean the vodka drink or the wrestling move?
Taking the Newspaper into the Loo...Perfectly acceptable when I run out of toilet paper and clean towels.
Calling your mate a c*nt...perhaps that is what I was doing here.
Hope you can take this stride, just having a larff. Cheers from America!
Originally posted by Klute
No a real man would wrap some greasy cloth around it.
The hammer testing in the isles has to involve smacking it against your wrist to test the wieght to qualify for manly status.
I also test the sharpness of my chisels at work by slicing skin off my fingers.If a blade can pare skin its good enough for pine.
I also do silly things like trying to pull hot drill bits out that are stuck resulting in hand burns.
What\'s funny is, about 7 years ago I worked with sheet metal. Me and the crew were out in the middle of nowhere building this series of storage buildings, and at 6 foot tall 195 pounds, I\'m the smallest guy there.
All of a sudden a piece of metal sliced open my hand, I\'m talking all the way across my palm.
The guys are freaking out, I just calmly rip off my shirt sleeve and use duct tape to wrap it all up, then go back to work.
All these big guys are now like \"Damn, if I cut off my leg I can\'t complain cause he\'ll make me look like a wuss.\"
Evil Dave hard core
@Darkstar....
Now we all know that you lot like to play \"catchy\" becuase none of you have the skill to actually play real football.
And still you go and copy rugby which is a real mans sport and ruin it by wearing stupid padded costumes and make up.
And as for playing rounders as a national sport.:|~
@Darkstar....
Now we all know that you lot like to play \"catchy\" becuase none of you have the skill to actually play real football.
And still you go and copy rugby which is a real mans sport and ruin it by wearing stupid padded costumes and make up.
And as for playing rounders as a national sport.:|~
Couldn\'t have said it better, besides which American \"football has two teams one for *cough* attack and one for Defense *cough* .Originally posted by Klute
Evil Dave hard core
@Darkstar....
Now we all know that you lot like to play \"catchy\" becuase none of you have the skill to actually play real football.
And still you go and copy rugby which is a real mans sport and ruin it by wearing stupid padded costumes and make up.
And as for playing rounders as a national sport.:|~
Rugby has one team, who only leave the field if the\'re crippled or it\'s half time and the beers are poured. Non of this \"time out\" shite!
Legacy Account
Active member
@ Darkstar: You ever thought of running for President??! From what I\'ve heard you\'d definitely hold your own with Bush and Kerry....lol
johnboyjjb
Active member
But in rugby you generally don\'t stop either so you have all these speedy little blokes. In American football you have 400lb lineman. They can\'t run for more then 15 seconds anyway. But with the help of inertia, those 15 seconds can create quite a hit.
DarkStar
Member
Whoot! That was a good one.
By the way, I don\'t care about football one way or the other, so you can\'t hurt my feelings by talking bad about it..nyaah nyaah nyah nyaahh nyahh!
And like I said at the bottom of my long post, I was just having a bit of fun, I love you Brits after all...half the time I have more respect for you guys than my own countrymen...now, if you could just do something about Tony Blair and we could just do something about Bush, this world would be a safer place for us to joke about it. Cheers from Sunny California.,
Sean Sullivan aka Darkstar
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
opening the door to the \"boys\" clubhouse.....
checking in to see what the Menfolk are up too.....lol
checking in to see what the Menfolk are up too.....lol