I hope you won't kill me for this...

[Rogan]

Okay. So here's the thing:

me and my girl, we are drawing a fancy little comic and want it to share with anyone in the world.
Well... at least with SOME of you.
I am not too sure whether I'm in the wrong place for such advertisements or not, but I'll just ask you for your opinion.
Don't mind me if I got stuck in the wrong section, please just delete it then.

I really don't want to bother you guys with my stupid issues, but just to get some more feedback, I'd like to give you the link to the comic.

Hand In Hand Through Chaos

Hope you enjoy it.

 

[freakinacage]

strange man...

 

[Amazon warrior]

I hope you won't mind me saying that reading your introduction panel hurt my brain. A lot. Particularly that third sentence. That was the killer.

 

[supervike]

yeah, that's bizarre.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Strange.
Ok so that's another one for the Meds methinks.

 

[Rogan]

When a freak in a cage calls me a "strange man", there's got to be something to it.
Well, after reading through it... "carefully"... you're right. It looks horrible!
It sounds horrible! It IS horrible...

Any suggestions on that?

 

[Amazon warrior]

When a freak in a cage calls me a "strange man", there's got to be something to it.
Well, after reading through it... "carefully"... you're right. It looks horrible!
It sounds horrible! It IS horrible...

Any suggestions on that?

Well, after giving it a bit of thought, maybe...

...this: "However, the terror inspired by the vastness of space is dwarfed by the horror that arises from a mere glance into the warp rift that tore reality apart only moments ago."

...or this: "But even the terrors of open space are dwarfed by the sight of the warp rift that has just torn a rent in reality."


Not my best work, but at least they make sense now.


Also, it is better to say "It is FROM this warp rift..." rather than sticking the "from" at the end of the sentence. And "because" almost never has a comma immediately before it.

 

[Rogan]

Thanks a lot.
I always had some weird trouble with interpunction and orthography. oO
It's hard not to make mistakes in one's own language, but having to write "epic stuff" in other languages is ... let's put it that way: it's almost as if I were trying to stop a raging carnifex with a laspistol.

I'll redo that page as soon as possible.

 

[Amazon warrior]

No worries. I'm a professional editor, so I've seen some right crackers, and not just from non-native English speakers either!