Life sucks, love sucks...

[Zora]

(NOTE: If you don\'t like personal threads, don\'t read this.)

I\'m done.

My wife and I have decided to \"separate\" (heading towards divorce) and it has
really just hit me as I submitted a rental application for an apartment last night.

I never in my wildest dreams imagined that -near the age of 40- I would have been
married and divorced TWICE. I\'m not the one-night-stand or sleeping around type
of person. I\'m the type who prefers lifelong commitment. Admittedly, my first
marriage ended because we were best friends who wanted to give the other a chance
to find love again, so it didn\'t end bad. But I had mentioned to her and my best friend
before this relationship (6 years ago) that if this one didn\'t work out, I was becoming
a hermit.

Like I said: I\'m done.

I\'ve always been an emotional person. And this is just killing me. I won\'t go into the
whole reason why this is happening, but it\'s not necessarily due to something \"bad\".
Still, I will no longer be in the house WE picked out -with my perfect gaming room-, I
have to find a new home for my big dog, I have to explain to the kids what\'s happening,
etc.

Now I will be in a small 2-bedroom apartment where the kids and I will have to make
sacrifices. There will be ramifications for the kids, trying to get them to understand…

Done. Finished.

I\'m officially too damaged to be in a relationship now. I\'m not having a pity-party, or
belittling myself. I know me. I know what I\'m like. I\'m going to go into hermit mode.
I\'m going to concentrate on myself and the kids.

 

[MarkusTay]

I feel your pain...

My wife and I seperated 4 months ago, and after 17 years it was hard to get used to being alone.

Funny thing is, she said it was a trial seperation, and then she started dating 5 DAYS after I moved out. My kids inform me she sleeps at the guys house all the time, and I found out she had a Gynocology appt. this week.

Me, I still feel like I\'m married, and can\'t even think about being with another person.

If I suddenly drop off the Radar and you guys never hear from me again... assume the worst.

 

[krom1415]

I think thats all you can do at the moment, the kids will still love you. I sometimes think what would happen if it happened to me, and the worst part is that I\'ve sacrificed all my friends for the relationship and kids. So make sure you have something for yourself. Good luck and it WILL all work out in the end

 

[finn18]

Don\'t you fecking dare!

Originally posted by MarkusTay
If I suddenly drop off the Radar and you guys never hear from me again... assume the worst.

I\'ll personally come and dig you up!!

Zora, what can I say? Most of us 40/50 somethings have been there, it appears to be a part of the human condition in the 21st century......

 

[Legacy Account]

So the beer, kebab and Playstation nights are around yours from now on?

You\'ve always struck me as a very down to earth and amiable chap. I\'m sure it\'ll all work out. Best of luck.

 

[supervike]

Thats really too bad Zora!

But, you have got the right idea, focus on yourself and the kids...The kids really need to know it hasn\'t anything to do with them....

It does seem to be a common occurence now-a-days though. Have you tried marriage conselling? Or any other sort of professional help? Heck, even churches offer some decent help for these problems.


I am lucky, as I don\'t know much about divorce or seperation at all. I love my wife more now than ever, and she sure pretends she likes me well enough. I couldn\'t imagine what it would be like without her, nor do I want to.

 

[MarkusTay]

Originally posted by finn18

Originally posted by MarkusTay
If I suddenly drop off the Radar and you guys never hear from me again... assume the worst.

I\'ll personally come and dig you up!!

Zora, what can I say? Most of us 40/50 somethings have been there, it appears to be a part of the human condition in the 21st century......

Don\'t worry Finn, I\'m not suicidal. lol

I may however, spend the next 7-10 in a Federal Prison...

Zora - Don\'t know how you\'ve done it twice, I have such a bad taste in my mouth that I don\'t even look at women the same anymore. I have heard that a man only has two great loves in his life (not counting his mother), but women can have an unlimited number. Go figure.

Like the Led Zeppelin song goes -

the soul of a woman was created belowwwwww

But I\'m not bitter...................

 

[dauber22]

@Zora - Yes, you\'re right: Life sucks & Love sucks. Been through that, too. Never fun. And children only makes it harder. Didn\'t come away with any great words of wisdom, however.
All I can say is that it takes time, but you will get through it. How much time? That I can\'t say, either. Been like 8 years for me, I think. WHen I really get over it, I\'ll let you know.
Just remember that the kids need you now probably more than ever even if it doesn\'t seem like it at all.
Hang in there. If you need anything PM me or Email or whatever.
*EDIT* - Of course, Markus, same goes for you.

 

[airhead]

Originally posted by MarkusTay

Originally posted by finn18

Originally posted by MarkusTay
If I suddenly drop off the Radar and you guys never hear from me again... assume the worst.

I\'ll personally come and dig you up!!

Zora, what can I say? Most of us 40/50 somethings have been there, it appears to be a part of the human condition in the 21st century......

Don\'t worry Finn, I\'m not suicidal. lol

Glad you straighened that out. I\'m the only one around here that is allowed suicidal thoughts.

 

[dauber22]

Originally posted by airhead
I\'m the only one around here that is allowed suicidal thoughts.

Sorry, Kev. \"fraid I\'ve got seniority on you for that one.

 

[wiccanpony]

Zora and Markus I\'m sad that this has happened, please don\'t hate us women because of a couple of bad apples....

oh....Markus, if I\'m reading you right..I\'m having an old tree removed, going to be a large hole with a pile of dirt near by...I\'m be looking the other way :twisted:

 

[tooshy]

Originally posted by MarkusTay
<snip>...

Funny thing is, she said it was a trial seperation, and then she started dating 5 DAYS after I moved out. <snip>

@Zora - I know it\'s very hard for you right now and there are a lot of changes coming up for you and your kids, but if things ain\'t right in your relationship, its for the best. Nothing worse for kids to grow up with their parents constantly bitching and sniping at one another. At least this way, you may hopefully remain civil and the kids don\'t get caught up in the middle. You shouldn\'t give up on yourself - having 2 divorces under your belt is not a sign of failure, more a case of you haven\'t met the right person yet. At least you\'ve tried, which is a lot better than being too afraid to commit to someone because of a nagging fear of \'what if it doesn\'t work out...\'. People go through their entire life without ever trying and that is such a waste.

@Marcus - Regarding your comment I\'ve picked out above. The sad fact is, when one partner is the driver for a breakup, they have usually detached themselves emotionally from you a long time ago.

I guess I\'m trying to say that it\'s hard when you aren\'t involved in your partners \'decision\' process and are left thinking \"WTF ???\" It might only be 5 days in your mind, but for her it could easily be 6 months and 5 days depending on how long she\'s been unhappy

 

[Godlikebuthumble]

Orginal gepostet von MarkusTay

I may however, spend the next 7-10 in a Federal Prison...

Well, club Fed does have computer labs nowadays, right? :]

Just hope it works out for the best, for both of you

 

[dauber22]

Originally posted by MarkusTay

I may however, spend the next 7-10 in a Federal Prison...

NO, no, no! Try to avoid the federal prisons. See if you can\'t keep it within the state system. Then, see if you can\'t get sent to Auburn. At least then I could come visit you once in a while. Not that far of a jaunt

As for the two great loves in a man\'s life... ??? boobs & beer ???

 

[supervike]

Claps wildly....

Boobies!!!

 

[finn18]

If I could grow my own, I\'d be virtually self sufficient

But I\'d also end up umemployed with terminal bed sores

 

[matty1001]

^lol

Bummer Zora, My mam and Dad split up last summer and that was really hard for me and my brother. I now live with my dad, and things are finally sorting themselves out. Though my dad is loving it, no heating, no TV, and he sleeps on a camping mat. Now thats a hermit. (And he eats alot of strange plants and goes a bit mad now and then.)

 

[Torn blue sky]

\"If I had a dime for every time you walked away, I could afford to not give a shit...\"
~Incubus~

And these days I don\'t really. Yeah loves a bitch (or can be I guess).
Might not seem like it\'s all smelling of roses right now, and believe me I know, but it WILL get better. That goes for everyone. Look on to the good times

 

[charley1968]

Good!Be a hermit! Think over things.
What did you do wrong, what did she do wrong?Everything was hunky-dory..appearantly not.Get into the pain -delve-come out of it! Enjoy!..your kids!!
Marriage,imo, is mostly a contract not a pledge.Don\'t make it one.You\'re grown, you got strenghts(and weaknesses..)
Consider them..good luck! C.

 

[AinuLainour]

May you find yourself once more...

My sympathies. I\'m praying for you.