Life sucks, love sucks...

[Braveheart712]

Damn, words cannot express my sorrow. While no one can know exactly what you feel, I have a good idea. I walked out of my marriage after being together for over 10 years for a whole list of reasons, hoping that single life would be better. I did make the right choice but life has not been perfect being single or in a relationship for me. Here are a few words of advice that hopefully may help, take them for what you will:
1) Focus on your children, like you said. At times like this they are the most important, they have not asked to be from broken home so extra attention and love is definitely what they need.
2) Clear your mind and learn what it is that you want out of life. It is hard to get back in touch with your own personal identity now that you are not a couple, but I encourage you to look inward and see what it is that makes you happy and complete.
3) Let her go. If you get back together then so be it but no one likes a stalker, it never works. Let her live her life, she may decide that you are what she needs in life but this decision can only be made on her own, not with your help.
4) Give yourself time to heal and DO NOT DATE until you have had a chance to heal yourself emotionally. This will take time! At 40+, I refer jokingly to the dating pool as \"The scratch and dent sale\". Most people who are now single at this age carry baggage, alot of baggage, and believe it or not, most are single for reasons that will become apparent once you start dating them. There are some good people like yourself that are out there, but trust me my friend you are not in the proper state of mind emotionally to tackle the other ones. Take some time off.
5) Dont give up hope. Life dealt you a bad hand, not once but twice. It isnt fair. It doesnt make sence. I understand, but it will get better, not overnight but in time. Dont give up it will get better.
Good luck my friend, hang in there!

 

[No Such Agency]

I\'m very sorry to hear about your woes. The end of a marriage is a very serious thing even if it is \"for the best\". After all we get used to having someone else around... a LOT quicker than we can get used to NOT having them around later. I have no advice for you, since I can only barely imagine what you are going through. But don\'t be afraid to lean a bit on your friends etc, if you need to. (OK, that was advice, I guess)

 

[hashmallum]

Hey

My mom has been married for 8 years.

Her husband is a Russian.
This guy was ok at the beginning, everything was ok.
Later he started to become silent , he stopped talking, he went silent for half a year...
After this \'silent period\' my mom tried talking to him , and it was ok for another 2 months ...
After 2 months he became silent again.

And such were the 8 years...

Now they are getting divorced.
My mom told him to leave our house, since he was not doing anything in the household , not submitting any funds...
Recently my mom found out that he was cheating on her for a year - his current woman is pregnant...
My mom earns now about $ 400 monthly.
Renting our flat is about $260
We have to pay the bills and eat something though..
Looks like we will have to leave our flat, I will have to gve up on my studies... (I intended to be an english teacher)
My mom suffers now from a psychic breakdown now...

Life sucks...

BUT we have to live on, if I would care for everything that sucks in my life I would f***ing kill myself long ago.

Loosing a woman is the worst thing that can happen, but still you have to live on, be grateful that you are healthy , that you have money, that you are able to live on!
Sorry for being sincere , but you can not give up - there are plenty of women in the world...


You have your children - this is the most precious thing on earth (at least this is what I believe).

 

[MPJ]

I\'ve been married 9+ years now and my wifie doesn\'t much like me anymore. We stay married mostly because I keep fighting to keep her around or more to the point to keep the kids around. A father doesn\'t stand much of a chance at keeping the kids and I\'d rather spend the next 20 years of my life in a crappy relationship then just seeing them on the weekends. It\'s crazy but it\'s true.

Truth be told, I could give or take a marriage, there are always other fish in the sea, but my children are everything to me.

I suppose that is quite shallow but I was once described (referring to my depth) as a cast iron bathtub with the faucet turned on but the plug pulled out. :drunk:

Anyway... My point... Fish, sea, something else... Umm, try to look on the bright side of things and remember that out there is someone who is perfect for you, the fun is in finding them.

 

[hashmallum]

Ehh what to say bro...

Life is brutal, is full od zasadzkas and sometimes kopas w dupas,(in English: life is brutal, and full of trapz, and sometimez it kicks you in the ass) as says an old Polish proverb...

Still you have got your children, you have somebody to talk to and to take care of...

Hell life ain\'teasy for anybody! :cussing:
The only thing I can write now is that it\'s all f***** unfair, nothing else...

 

[demonherald]

Zora ...It\'s sad it\'s unfair it\'s life and it will take every opportunity it can to kick you in the nuts..

I can\'t imagine what it would be like regards the kids and it is important as you say to look out for them.That\'s who you are above all else a Father....

I got divorced a few years back (5 now) Despite the fact that the relationship wasn\'t good it still hurt like hell. The hardest part was rekindling my identity..
I didn\'t realise until the relationship ended just how much we had become one.Friends interest just plain old companionship..Joint responsibility of parenthood ( I now have a 19month old son) makes that union even stronger.

I guess the only thing I can say is Find Yourself be happy with that and never forget first and foremost your a father.

good luck and thoughts and good wishes with you..

@Hash..tough break there man.I hope things improve and you can continue that education fella.Things like that can really end up messing things up further down the line.All the best and good luck.

 

[farseerlum]

don\'t be too rash zora.

being 40ish sounds like you will just have to wait it out for a while. but don\'t kid yourself.

if you look after yourself you could easily live ANOTHER 40 years. a whole new lifetime of things to do. try to think back over your life and imagine it without anyone special.

sucks doesn\'t it.

so don\'t try it. there are plenty of women around your age that are just looking for someone to spend their weekends with. sure maybe don\'t worry about it being the eternal love but don\'t be alone. it\'s the worst thing a human can do to themselves.

 

[Zora]

Thanks, everybody!

I appreciate the kind words and pieces of advice.

Finally told my parents whats happening, along with my son (6 yrs old). Now just to tell my 14 yr old daughter. THAT\'S going to be tough.

Luckily, even though neither is mine biologically, they both have really only experienced me as their father. I was worried briefly that my daughter might think I\'m abandoning them, but I believe I can make her understand that I\'m still her dad, and nothing\'s going to change that.

It\'s going to be hard, that\'s for sure. But this may give me more time to do stuff for me, like getting back to painting or something.

Y\'all might have to suffer seeing some of my horrendous paintjobs after all...lol

Thanks everybody, for letting me vent on here. I appreciate it.:beer:

 

[dendawg]

DAMN

Zora and Markus
everybody has said thier sorry\'s and sympothies...ok it sucks but you know what F@#$ it.
don\'t feel sorry for yourself.
don\'t be a hermit.
go out have fun. date girls, your age or younger doesn\'t matter. evan if it\'s once. the best way to get over her is to roll over off another.
lol
grab you buddies go out. remember homes...bros. before hoes.
i know i\'ll static for what i\'m saying but someone has to. it\'s not the end of the world.

 

[Hinton]

Well, it seems a lot of us are in the same boat here. I\'ve been separated for just over a year now after being married for 8 years.

She (my \"ex\") says that I was a great husband and that it was a good marriage, but this ex-bf of hers that left ten years before came back into her life and all of those old feelings came back to her. Affair, lying, betrayal; so on and so forth. I found out about 3 weeks after the affair started and she said that she wanted to be with him.

So...I got to move out. ??? She wants to be with some other guy and I have to move out when I didn\'t do anything wrong? :cussing: I lost my house, my car, my job (I have a new one now); damn near everything because she screwed up. I\'m also in debt up to my eyeballs because she spent money on seeing him and going out to the bar instead of paying bills.

Anyway...

It was my daughter (my only child) that kept me going some days. Fortunately my ex is being agreeable and we\'re not arguing over custody or anything like that. I get to see my little girl whenever I want.

I\'m not looking at dating anyone because I know I still need a little time to heal. (although...there have been a couple of offers. Do you have any idea what\'s it\'s like to be a 37 yo guy and have a cute 19 yo gal say she wants to date you?? Ego-boost is an understatement)

I\'m not going to say that it\'ll get better. Time may heal all wounds, but the scars will always be sore. There isn\'t some secret way to get through this; either you do or you don\'t. Ultimately, the choice is yours.

 

[Torn blue sky]

Beer will never leave you :beer:
And theres more freedom.
And your kids love you.
And I bet theres a heap of stuff you still want to do!
And I BET you\'ll find someone who\'ll love you just as much! Theres a whole WORLD of people out there man!

 

[Grumb]

Sorry Man

Zora;

Been away, just got back and read your post. So sorry to hear your story man. I can\'t even imagine being in your shoes.

Hang in there man. Be there for your kids. Lean on us...

Cheers,
Grumb

 

[leopardpixie]

I\'m sorry very sorry