men

evil tendencies

Cake or Death?
Originally posted by wiccanpony
Originally posted by evil tendencies
You guys might be joking, but I\'ll tell you - marriage is sooo much easier if you remember that you\'re labor, and she\'s management. :D

:D good boy, here have a cookie:p

Yay, a cookie! (Does it have anything special in it?)
 

leopardpixie

New member
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder \"Instruction Manuals.\"

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract


What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.
 

Bigdennis52

New member
Originally posted by leopardpixie
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder \"Instruction Manuals.\"

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract


What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

You big bully, stop it :(
 

airhead

Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
In competition with the Mens store (see womens thread)

the owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

T he second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.
 

hestan101

New member
Originally posted by Bigdennis52
Originally posted by leopardpixie
How do men exercise on the beach?
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?
Make him wear shoes

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
Rename the mail folder \"Instruction Manuals.\"

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Three. One to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Why do little boys whine?
Because they are practicing to be men

Why do men like smart women?
Opposites attract


What did God say after creating man?
I can do so much better.

You big bully, stop it :(

gez man, you sound like a woman:twisted:

[size=-2]please, dont hit me[/size]
 

nightsword

New member
Originally posted by wiccanpony
Originally posted by EldinTux
So far so good - this is all relatively tame. Perhaps there aren\'t any good men jokes out there :p

:twisted::p
What Not To Say To A Naked Guy

1. I\'ve smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it\'s cute.
3. Who circumcised you?
4. Why don\'t we just cuddle?
5. You know they have surgery to fix that.
6. It\'s more fun to look at.
7. Make it dance.
8. You know, there\'s a tower in Italy like that.
9. Can I paint a smiley face on that?
10. It looks like a night crawler.
11. Wow, and your feet are so big.
12. My last boyfriend was 4\'\' bigger.
13. It\'s ok, we\'ll work around it.
14. Is this a mild or a spicy Slim Jim?
15. Eww, there\'s an inch worm on your thigh.
16. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
17. Oh no, a flash headache.
18. (giggle and point)
19. Can I be honest with you?
20. My 8-year-old brother has one like that.
21. Let me go get my tweezers.
22. How sweet, you brought incense.
23. This explains your car.
24. You must be a growing boy.
25. Maybe if we water it, it\'ll grow.
26. Thanks, I needed a toothpick.
27. Are you one of those pygmies?
28. Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow?
29. Every heard of clearasil?
30. All right, a treasure hunt!
31. I didn\'t know they came that small.
32. Why is God punishing you?
33. At least this won\'t take long.
34. I never saw one like that before.
35. What do you call this?
36. But it still works, right?
37. ####, I hate baby-sitting.
38. It looks so unused.
39. Do you take steroids?
40. I hear excessive masturbation shrinks it.
41. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
42. Why don\'t we skip right to the cigarettes?
43. Oh, I didn\'t know you were in an accident.
44. Did you date Lorena Bobbitt?
45. Aww, it\'s hiding.
46. Are you cold?
47. If you get me real drunk first.
48. Is that an optical illusion?
49. What is that?
50. I\'ll go get the ketchup for your french fry.
51. Were you neutered?
52. It\'s a good thing you have so many other talents.
53. Does it come with an air pump?
54. So this is why you\'re supposed to judge people on personality.
55. Where are the puppet strings?
56. Your big gun is more like a BB gun.
57. Look, it fits my Barbie clothes.
58. Never mind, why bother.
59. Is that a second belly button?
60. Where\'s the rest of it?

Me thinks someone might have had issues as a child. Do you need comforting?

And for some men jokes:

A man is driving along in his car when he suddenly gets pulled over by the police, the man pokes his head out of the window and says \"what seems to be the problem officer?\" the cop looks bluntly at him and says \"are you aware that a woman fell out of your car about 2 minutes ago?\" the man let out a sigh \"thank fuck for that i thought i had gone deaf!\"

How many men does it take to open a beer?
-None, it should be opened when she brings it to you

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says \"Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.\" The man says \"Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, \"Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, \"Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

What if God\'s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I\'ll never know why.

*looks around at the disappointed faces* What? I said they were men jokes? They\'re about men aren\'t they? :D

(Courtesy of mustsharejokes.com)
 

Zora

New member
Originally posted by Avelorn
lol Donna those were great and so mean!

Funny part you never say to a girl \"wow! you could fit the entire Chicago Packers in there\" or \"did you give birth to something recently?\" That\'s because we men are polite and nice! :innocent:

Sorry Avelorn, the only reson we never say that is because we want the chance to have sex again.

Let\'s face it, women are in control when it comes to that. If you think we are, you need to really think about it...
 

Zora

New member
Originally posted by nightsword

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle. He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie says \"Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes.\" The man says \"Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want. First, I want 1 Billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand. He continues, \"Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and abright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him. He continues, \"Finally, I want to be irresistible to women.\" Phoof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

See, now you\'ve just PROVED that men are stupid. If he\'d really thought about it a long time and was prepared for a 3-wish situation, WHY would he use something as powerful as a wish to get a car when he\'s got a BILLION dollars in an account?
 

Shawn R. L.

New member
What\'s the first thing Adam said upon meeting Eve?? \"Ya better stand back hon, I don\'t know how big this thing\'s gonna get\".........
 

havockrising

New member
i maybe only 18, but i have a few \"un-guy-ish\" jokes i\'ve heard :)

Definition of a man:
The useless thing attached to the peni$

Men are like bank accounts. without money, they don\'t generate interest.

The Theory of Reverse Dynamics:
When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty, and when a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich ..

The Boss to a lady aspirant to the post of a
Secretary: \"What is the difference between a paper clip and a screw?\"

Lady: \"I do not know. I have never been paperclipped\"

i don\'t know why i suddenly had the urge to post this :s
 

havockrising

New member
a little more :D

Many men think that \"the larger the woman\'s breasts, the less intelligent she is. However, the fact is \"the larger the woman\'s breasts the less intelligent the men around her become ..\"

during the creation, God gathered all men and women and segregated them. wanting something to differentiate the two, God offered the first trait up for grabs.

God: Who wants to take a piss standing up?

the men went wild.

God: okay then, women can have the multiple orgasms.


You happy now, God? we\'re even now T_T!!!
 

Aliengod3

Active member
I have not read the entire tread so hopefully no one said this yet:

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, get the woman to do it. :D
 

StarFyre

Active member
hmm

By Zora
-----------------
Sorry Avelorn, the only reson we never say that is because we want the chance to have sex again.

Let\'s face it, women are in control when it comes to that. If you think we are, you need to really think about it...
------------------

Hmmm

*Sanjay thinks*

With my wife, I don\'t have to worry bout stuff like that :D *gloating* :D

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

On a side note: LP - great to have you back :) *gives a flower to the beautiful lady*

Sanjay
 

leopardpixie

New member
Originally posted by Bigdennis52
You big bully, stop it :(

What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About Women.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One...men will screw anything

How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.

Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don\'t have balls to scratch.

What\'s a man\'s idea of floor play? A half hour of begging.


How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?


What\'s the difference between men and government bonds? The bonds mature.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off of his head.

What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

How many men does it take to change a role of toilet paper? We don\'t know, it\'s never been done.

How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are always taken and the ones that are left are
handicapped.

What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home.

What is a man\'s idea of a seven course meal? A hot dog and a six-pack of beer.

What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.

What do you have when you have two balls in your hand? A man\'s undivided attention.

How is a man like a snowstorm? You don\'t know when he\'s coming, how many inches you\'ll get, or how long it\'ll stay.


Why do men name their penises? They want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all of their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find a man that is sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because they already have boyfriends.

What is gross stupidity? 144 men in the same room.

What is the difference between a porcupine and a Corvette? The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

How many men does it take to pop popcorn? Three: One to hold the pan, and two others to show off and shake the stove.

How do men sort their laundry? \"Filthy\" and \"Filthy But Wearable\".

Why did God create man? Because vibrators can\'t mow the lawn.

Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they don\'t hump women\'s legs at cocktail parties.

Why does the stupid man put ice in his condom? It keeps the swelling down.lol:twisted:
 
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