never take a man shopping

[freakinacage]

This letter was recently sent by Tesco\'s Head Office to a customer in

Oxford:



Dear Mrs. Murray,



While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty

Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you

and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.

Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by

our surveillance cameras:



1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people\'s

trolleys when they weren\'t looking.



2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute

intervals.



3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to

feminine products aisle.



4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone,

\"Code 3\" in housewares..... and watched what happened.



5. August 14: Moved a \'CAUTION - WET FLOOR\' sign to a carpeted area.



6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and

told shoppers he\'d invite them in if they would bring sausages and a

Calor gas stove.



7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,

he began to cry and asked, \"Why can\'t you people just leave me alone?\"



8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a

mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.



9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the

Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the

antidepressants were.



10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming

the \"Mission Impossible\" theme.



11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the \"Madonna look\"

using different size funnels.



12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled

\"PICK ME!\" \"PICK ME!\"



13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker,

assumed the foetal position and screamed \"NO! NO! It\'s those voices

again.\"



And; last, but not least:



14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a

while; then yelled, very loudly, \"There is no toilet paper in here.\"



Yours sincerely,



Charles Brown

Store Manager


ok peeps, the challenge for the week is - see how many of these YOU can get away with!! lol

 

[Hinton]

lollollol

Those are great, although I don\'t think I\'ll be trying to do #8. The rest? Oh yeah.

 

[james sequeira]

That was a good laugh.

 

[Highbulp Billy]

I want to go shopping right now, this is so going to liven up my trips to Tesco lol It\'s no. 12 for me :flip:

 

[StarFyre]

hmmm

Done 2, Done 5, Done \'close\' to 9.

I took knives once and a house of knives store (sell knives, swords, etc) and said \"I like blades\' in a slow, dry, monotone voice. the lady was scared then I began to laugh and said i almost gave her a heart attack; she said people do jokes like that alot.

Sanjay

 

[quadrille]

lol That man is a genius lol

#2 I have done also, albeit with timers rather than alarm clocks.

 

[uberdark]

i think i have done some of those but my personal favorite is faking a seizure. i used to have them when i was younger and stopped in my late teens. but i still would act like i had a seizure and then run away fast.... also try this one guys.

stretch armstrong in between two cars going in opposite directions=great fun.

btw he stretched to 10 feet 3 inches.

 

[wiccanpony]

I would assume the blank innocent look..... “husband? what husband??? , I’m single\"....then book out of Dodge.lol

 

[freakinacage]

Originally posted by quadrille
lol That man is a genius lol

#2 I have done also, albeit with timers rather than alarm clocks.

actualy so have i. load up a bunch of eggtimers and wait.....

 

[Logan]

Utterly inspired some of those... although I bet he\'s an absolute nightmare to live with!

 

[Brimshack]

I\'m still trying to figure out what the objection was.

 

[charley1968]

That was really funny!!Ta!Gave me some ideas..lol

 

[DaN]

What about the old classic:
Find one of those chest freezers on display and hide in it - popping out like some manic jack in the box when the lid opens?

(Or cover yourself in sauce and pretend to be a mangled corpse)

 

[Thecadian]

Originally posted by freakinacage
This letter was recently sent by Tesco\'s Head Office to a customer in

Oxford:





7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him,

he began to cry and asked, \"Why can\'t you people just leave me alone?\"

why does games workshop spring to mind

 

[nightshade777]

My fave is the large stand up freezer and falling out when someone opens the door, since they see fingers peeking out from the closed door,lol. Got kicked out of a Home Depot for that one. Still damn funny the look on the couples face.

 

[Nemmy]

12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled \"PICK ME!\" \"PICK ME!\"

I did this one a while back with a friend at a Kohls. Though, we would each try to get a person to choose one us; however, we than got into a verbal fight which lead into throwing 1 or 2 clothing at eahc other. I can say the expressions on peoples faces were priceless.