Progress - when will it end?

[Infidel Castro]

I was dropping the kids off at the pool the other day (having a think, laying a cable, HAVING A POO. Enough of the euphemisms!) and I was amazed to read on the toilet paper wrapping that this particular Own Brand was \'New Improved!\'. It got me wondering first of all how they know this to be true (Quality Control Monitor required, excellent rates of pay, great perks) and then, secondly, I got wondering as to why it is we haven\'t yet reached perfection: almost any packet, box, tub and bottle has New Improved! emblazoned across it, suggesting we\'re getting ever nearer to some pinnacle of achievement in the fields of cleaning, eating, wiping, drinking, cooking, etc. Problem is though, they never, ever seem any different to what went before, so again I get back to wondering just how they can claim things are better than last week, the week before, the month before...

I also wonder then just what they\'re comparing TO (other than just the previous lot of bog roll the factory made). Is there an ideal? Is there a perfect heavenly form that we attempt to mirror (as above, so below and all that jazz)? Maybe there\'s an earthly equivalent. All I know is that we must be a step closer to Shangri-la every single day due to the tireless work of our supermarkets and other manufacturers.

It makes me proud!

 

[Avelorn]

You mean an ideal form of toilet paper? Well I just got one with printed swedish 1000kr notes on. Feels good wiping with, but every time I toss the paper down I feel like doing a trainspotting dive + the colour of the paper when soaked with water looks like I\'ve shat blueberry-pie. So I guess nothing is ever perfect.

 

[ScottRadom]

My problem with this thread is that it appears we\'re questioning science. If it says new and improved, who are we to argue? Just pay the extra money and be proud knowing Science has finally taken the focus from manned Mars research and putting the time and energy to improve your daily \"Thinking time\".

What I love is when they put numbers to the thing, like \"Now 50% softer!\" or \"Preferred over the leading brand\". If it\'s prefered over the leading brand, doesn\'t that make IT the leading brand?

But maybe there is a job in that field, doing QC. Maybe you could jump in the stall when people have finished and say \"Don\'t flush, we\'ve got some science to do!\". Something like that.

Well I hope you had a good one anyway.

 

[matty1001]

Charlie Brooker did a good episode of Screen Wipe based on advertising. Should still be on the Iplayer so Brits can still watch it.

I\'v never understood why pictures are needed on toilet paper.

Peace and love...

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Avelorn
You mean an ideal form of toilet paper? Well I just got one with printed swedish 1000kr notes on. Feels good wiping with, but every time I toss the paper down I feel like doing a trainspotting dive + the colour of the paper when soaked with water looks like I\'ve shat blueberry-pie. So I guess nothing is ever perfect.

Yes, but does it really clean well enough? Does it have New Improved! written on it?

 

[hestan101]

its progress, its not going to end. thats pretty much the definition of progress.sort of. nearly. in one way or another.

 

[Infidel Castro]

I may have been hasty. Perfection has been reached in the following fields:

Cadbury\'s Chocolate Fingers
Ancona Sweet Chilli Dipping Sauce (offering 50% extra of their perfectly realised sauce)
Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (well, can it REALLY be improved on? No chance)
Marmite (ditto)
Mr Muscle Kitchen Cleaner (\'Superb Cleaning\'. Believe!)
Bleach (\'Kills All Known Germs Dead\')
Country Life Butter
Comfort Fabric Conditioner (\'New Bottle!\' This firm has ARRIVED)

I\'m actually quite surprised to find very little out there that can be deemed New Improved! This is an astonishing thing. WE ARE ALMOST THERE! :wow:

 

[Undave]

Surely the bleach would be better if it also killed all the germs we don\'t know about as well?


Marmite could certainly be improved by removing it from sale, destroying all means of production and firing the recipe into the sun :|~

 

[Scribbles]

Originally posted by reverend
Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (well, can it REALLY be improved on? No chance)

Nope not a chance

New and improved label = my mum buys it thinking it\'s so much better, throws out the perfectly good older unimprooved product ~_~

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Undave
Surely the bleach would be better if it also killed all the germs we don\'t know about as well?


Marmite could certainly be improved by removing it from sale, destroying all means of production and firing the recipe into the sun :|~

Heretic! :evil:

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Scribbles

Originally posted by reverend
Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (well, can it REALLY be improved on? No chance)

Nope not a chance

New and improved label = my mum buys it thinking it\'s so much better, throws out the perfectly good older unimprooved product ~_~

Aye, but who hasn\'t got a mad mother lol

 

[ScottRadom]

Originally posted by reverend
I\'m actually quite surprised to find very little out there that can be deemed New Improved! This is an astonishing thing. WE ARE ALMOST THERE! :wow:

Don\'t you give up that dream! Perfection IS just around the corner!

I\'m gonna try that on my next CMON submission.

58% improved metalics blending vs. the competition. Think it\'ll sell?

 

[Infidel Castro]

If you can get it on the shelves, it will sell! New Improved! Repeat after me....NEW IMPROVED!

 

[PegaZus]

What they don\'t tell you is that the new and improved product is just like their old product before they started cutting corners. Such as going from cheese to a cheese-like food product. Then just go back to the old cheese and it becomes \"now with REAL cheese!\"

 

[Zora]

Originally posted by matty1001

I\'v never understood why pictures are needed on toilet paper.

Oh, I don\'t know...I certainly could see a reason for the \"soon-to-be ex-wife\'s\" picture on some toilet paper...lol

 

[Shawn R. L.]

Nice to see I\'m not the only one who wonders about such arcane yet oddly facinating things..............

 

[Scribbles]

Originally posted by PegaZus
What they don\'t tell you is that the new and improved product is just like their old product before they started cutting corners. Such as going from cheese to a cheese-like food product. Then just go back to the old cheese and it becomes \"now with REAL cheese!\"

Yup makes you wonder what the hell it was before if it\'s now REAL cheese O_O

Sadly enough I actually work in Tesco and see alot of things that make you wonder, an entire beef joint that\'s now 18% beef! Instead of 12 lol

 

[freakinacage]

Originally posted by reverend

Ancona Sweet Chilli Dipping Sauce (offering 50% extra of their perfectly realised sauce)
Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce (well, can it REALLY be improved on? No chance)
Bleach (\'Kills All Known Germs Dead\')

encona sweet chilli? have you seen some of th asian own brands in the ethinic supermarkets in canton? same level of stuff, half the price, twice the amount! now THATS perfection!
l+p have a special ed out atm. it\'s extra mature! it\'s thicker with a fuller flavour - lush
bleach killing germs dead - how else can they kill them?!!

 

[Infidel Castro]

Originally posted by Shawn R. L.
Nice to see I\'m not the only one who wonders about such arcane yet oddly facinating things..............

This is why toilet time is such a valuable commodity, Shawn lad!

 

[ScottRadom]

I personally take that time to read comics. For wahtever reason I find that the older I get the more comics I read in a week.