Seriously contemplating hurting somebody

[gohkm]

Along the lines of Dragonreach\'s other thread, a mate of mine (a girl) just told me (barely 2 hours ago!) that her ex assaulted and beat her.

Right now, I\'m so mad, for the first time in my life, I am seriously contemplating taking the skills I learnt in the military and applying them to this bloke.

Apparently, when she called the police on this guy, they didn\'t take her seriously. She ultimately went to the nearby Domestic Violence Shelter.

What is wrong with some people?! Including me - I\'ve always considered myself a pacifist (cause of all this military training and martial arts stuff), but here I am thinking that \'3 pounds of pressure per square inch\' is enough?

Sorry, rant over. I\'m so full right now, I\'m fit to burst. :cussing:

 

[Jericho]

Originally posted by gohkm
Apparently, when she called the police on this guy, they didn\'t take her seriously. She ultimately went to the nearby Domestic Violence Shelter.

This is what offends me the most about the situation. Why the hell don\'t people take assault/domestic violence cases seriously?

Don\'t feel guilty about your reaction to the situation, it\'s perfectly normal.

Anyway it must be a full moon out or something, because just today my friend James was telling me about yet another crazy incident that happened the other day. This guy was swerving around erratically, cutting people off in traffic, and doing about twice the speed limit. When he pulled over in a residential area, my friends pulled up behind him to try and see if the guy was drunk/stoned/whatever.

Said guy jumps out of his car, grabs something from the backseat, and runs up to my friends\' car. The random Lebanese guy opens up the driver\'s door and within seconds has knocked the driver unconscious (breaking his nose and orbital bones in one punch, they figure he had brass knuckles on from the damage).

There\'s now police involved, and since James got the guy\'s license plate number he\'s supposed to be in police custody by now.

WTF is going on these last few days? It seems like everyone\'s losing their minds.

 

[jahminis]

sometimes, bro, especially in cases like this where the law won\'t step in and protect a woman, ya just gotta step up and let the guy know that he needs to worry about ya...
if he wants a piece of you, that\'s on him...

i\'m not even close to bein\' a pacifist...
it\'s a violent, tough, unjust world...
that\'s reality...
in defense of yourself or those you love, a good crack to the nose is justified...

here\'s hoping it doesn\'t come to that...
just give your mate a big hug before you do anything else, she needs a friend more than you need to go to jail for breakin\' her ex in half:twisted:...

cheers
jah

 

[gohkm]

My mate is definitely NOT alright.

In addition to this, she\'s had a terrible couple of months (more personal issues). The combination of everything has led her to decide she is better off returning home to Singapore.

I\'m very sad that she has come to this, as she has been a great friend over the past 4 years. But the girl has got to what\'s right for her.

Me, now, well, I\'m not running into this halfcocked. Wouldn\'t want to embarrass my old commander, would I?

 

[Jericho]

You\'re right, she has to take care of herself even if that means moving back to Singapore.

Anyway I hope you don\'t do anything to get yourself in legal trouble... the self defense argument only goes so far. I vaguely recall Sebastian Stuart or some other guy I know from forums getting charged for assaulting a guy who threatened his friends with a knife. Apparently he used excessive force in disarming the man threatening his and his friends\' lives.

The legal systems are kinda f***ed up and there\'s no point getting yourself charged with assault, it won\'t change what happened.

 

[gohkm]

I admit I might be mouthing off right now, because of how angry I feel. But for somebody with military training, a slew of martial arts (including a black belt), and a current occupation in IT security, I\'m torn between (a) a face-to-face confrontation, (b) a softer, stealther approach via IT, and (c) ignoring the whole lot altogether since as you pointed out, Jericho, doing any of the above could get me in serious trouble.

But I feel really shitty about taking (c). It\'s like I\'ve literally got all the skills necessary, and I\'d have to sit on the sidelines because of legal considerations.

I\'m going to ignore the voices in my head, take a hot shower, and a nice, long, breath. Then sleep on it and see how I feel in the morning.

Thanks, guys.

 

[slah]

My advice would be for your friend to contact the police again. If the officer taking the statement won´t do anything about it then demand to see his/her superior.

Going Charles Bronson doesn´t work in the real world, and allthough the thought of smacking this guy around is pleasing I´m sure nothing good will come out of it..

Remember that violence breeds violence.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Originally posted by gohkm

But I feel really shitty about taking (c). It\'s like I\'ve literally got all the skills necessary, and I\'d have to sit on the sidelines because of legal considerations.

There is another option.... Because you know who he is Publish what he\'s done.
Dare him to take you to court over Libel or Defamation of Character.

 

[gohkm]

Dragonsreach, that is a really good suggestion. Let\'s see what a blog post on Facebook will do.

 

[nat is me]

gohkm, I understand exactly how you feel knowing someone has been abused and not being able to do anything at the time.

My Ex was sexually abused when she was a child. What was even more screwed up was that it was by her cousin. I wont go into details but, she had kept it a secret until she was 17 which meant she still had to deal with him alone till then. For reason\'s that I wont go into no action was taken against him and the family kept it to themselves.

It had such an affect on her that the first night that we were intimate we had to cut it short becuase she burst into tears. And then she told me.

Now I met this guy. At a family reunion. I shook his hand. Put on a pleasant smile. But I can tell you now, the amount of rage that was pumping through me. The amount of raw anger that I wanted to unleash on this guy as I looked into his eyes, shook his hand and said \"nice to meet you\", I could have literally ripped him apart.

It was tough. The amount of self control I had to exert that whole night was unbelievable. Its had to just stand and watch. But in the end, you have to respect what the victim wants.

Its hard.

I understand where your coming from.

I have never told anyone else about that. Its good to get off my chest. Gotta love anonymity =P

I hope your friend gets through this. My heart goes out to her.

 

[slah]

Originally posted by nat is me

But in the end, you have to respect what the victim wants.

I know this sounds harsh, but I really disagree here.

Even though your ex might have an excellent reason not to tell and/or press charges, crime isn´t really just something just between the criminal and the victim.

From what you´re telling I can´t tell if this happened over a long period of time, but it could be indicative of some sort of compulsive behavior, and even though he´s not abusing your ex anymore chances are that he could abusing someone else right now.

Even though it´s very unpleasant, and might cause a lot of emberassment and conflict in cases like these there really is a legal and moral responsibility to report offenders, to prevent them from doing something like this again, and to punish/treat/rehabilitate them (whatever option is the right one in this case).

By keeping quiet everybody who is in the know of this crime is in fact enabling him to keep molesting children.....

 

[slah]

Originally posted by Dragonsreach

Originally posted by gohkm

But I feel really shitty about taking (c). It\'s like I\'ve literally got all the skills necessary, and I\'d have to sit on the sidelines because of legal considerations.

There is another option.... Because you know who he is Publish what he\'s done.
Dare him to take you to court over Libel or Defamation of Character.

Actually seeing that the police apparently don´t think there is a case to be made he would have a very good libel case....

 

[paintingploddy]

@ Gohkm - Don\'t do anything stupid. It is not worth the momentary satisfaction of causing this guy pain and then having your own life suffer for it more than it does so far. You don\'t say how long ago this happened. If it is recent, go back to the police. Just because she ran into one who won\'t do his job, I assure you there are many more out there who will. If you are in Victoria PM me if you want some help, I\'m on leave at the moment but should be able to set something up.

Again, don\'t do something half cocked. Last thing you want is a conviction stuffing up your life and career. You go face to face and it turns pear shaped you are the one who will look like the aggressor especially if you win.

 

[gohkm]

@ paintingploddy: Aye, I concur. We\'re in NSW. But it doesn\'t feel right to just do nothing. The incident did happen last Oct, so, yes, even I admit it might be a bit far back.

But what really irritates me is that the cops DIDN\'T take her seriously. The officer taking her statement actually went \'those [injuries] don\'t look too serious\'. And this is with bruises to her ribs and legs, and a cut face.

Worse, they charged her with \'wilful destruction of property\'. Rationale: she smashed the bloke\'s teapot when her forehead impacted it. Counsel actually suggested that she plead guilty to just get off with a caution.

Mind, I didn\'t actually hear the officer and counsel say this, so it\'s already been filtered through my mate. But she\'s a lawyer: one of the things getting the bar in NSW is \'being a person of reasonable integrity\' (I\'ve had that thrown at me by some of my lawyer clients when I insist on verifying that they do background checks on litigation lawyer hires).

From my perspective, it looks like both the system and the officers have failed her. And yes, I am fully cognizant that if it all goes pear shaped, it\'s my ass.

But damned, it\'s hard trying to be rational about the whole thing. Like I said, I\'m going to sleep on it (already had the cold shower). I\'ll see how else I can help her in the morning - she\'s still a wreck, and didn\'t want to spend the night at my place.

 

[paintingploddy]

No disrespect meant to your friend, I work as a prosecutor down here and assuming the NSW Bar is similar to Victoria I can assure you that being a member of the Bar neither guarantees good character, honesty or intelligence (similar to any occupation really). A couple of barristers I know have none of these attributes and sadly they seem to prosper.

Seriously though, it sounds as though an investigation of sorts was conducted. If she was charged it sounds like she was careless enough to have said something to the police members indicating an offence had been committed, while he denied the allegations claiming self defence. Either way if they have looked at the statements the only way she would be able to kick this along would be make an official complaint that they haven\'t taken action. Unfortunately there are no guarantees this would get charges authorised especially if she did plead guilty (although technically both parties can commit offences in a domestic). I can see why she can feel aggrieved both at the way the system has worked on this occasion and the treatment by her ex. Interestingly though, if she fought the charges or allegations, while she stands to lose, it would allow her (or her representative) to cross examine him about the assault and what happened that night (one would expect he would have to give evidence, even if it was just ownership of the teapot) about the assault, as well as the police members about why they charged her but not him. Unfortunately this is a dangerous course, if things went wrong there could be serious ramifications for her career.

Importantly though don\'t do something you\'ll regret later by acting in the heat of the moment. If he got her charged it sounds like he knows how to use the system and has done so in the past.

Good luck.

 

[wiccanpony]

I don’t know anything about domestic laws in OZ, in San Diego domestic violence is taken very seriously, mainly because of murders of the ex-wifes.

Our locals laws were changed because people called the media in on why these women/men were not getting protection.

While taking the law into your own hands sounds good on paper, it doesn\'t work in RL. Going to jail will only add more anguish to what your friend is feeling.

Also how hard would it be for her to get a \"restraining order” on the slimeball?

 

[gohkm]

@ paintingploddy: Not much of an investigation was conducted - the cops were called in, she got advised by counsel to plead guilty, the bloke actually *did* plead guilty to aggravated assault, but lied that she had initiated the assault.

The cops thought it was an open-and-shut case. That\'s why she winded up at the DV Shelter - she felt the system had been grossly unfair, and she didn\'t even think of calling friends and family, she was *that* out of it.

After a bit more probing yesterday evening, I found out that the DV Shelter guys took really good care of her - called the cops on her behalf, and got a restraining order against this guy, and the charges against her dropped (the letter from the DVS guys actually said \'the charges were ridiculous\').

No idea what happened to the bloke, though.

But it does make me feel a bit better. And I definitely do take your point about stuffing up career and life - I\'m a married man, so there\'s more responsibilities than usual.

I\'ll lay off belting this mofo, and I\'ll see what else I can do to help my mate. I don\'t think there\'s anything else I can do.

 

[wiccanpony]

Originally posted by gohkm
@ paintingploddy: Not much of an investigation was conducted - the cops were called in, she got advised by counsel to plead guilty, the bloke actually *did* plead guilty to aggravated assault, but lied that she had initiated the assault.

The cops thought it was an open-and-shut case. That\'s why she winded up at the DV Shelter - she felt the system had been grossly unfair, and she didn\'t even think of calling friends and family, she was *that* out of it.

After a bit more probing yesterday evening, I found out that the DV Shelter guys took really good care of her - called the cops on her behalf, and got a restraining order against this guy, and the charges against her dropped (the letter from the DVS guys actually said \'the charges were ridiculous\').

No idea what happened to the bloke, though.

But it does make me feel a bit better. And I definitely do take your point about stuffing up career and life - I\'m a married man, so there\'s more responsibilities than usual.

I\'ll lay off belting this mofo, and I\'ll see what else I can do to help my mate. I don\'t think there\'s anything else I can do.

Just be there for her, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen, it does a hell of a lot for a person

 

[Dragonsreach]

Originally posted by slah

Originally posted by Dragonsreach

Originally posted by gohkm

But I feel really shitty about taking (c). It\'s like I\'ve literally got all the skills necessary, and I\'d have to sit on the sidelines because of legal considerations.

There is another option.... Because you know who he is Publish what he\'s done.
Dare him to take you to court over Libel or Defamation of Character.

Actually seeing that the police apparently don´t think there is a case to be made he would have a very good libel case....

Slah, under British law although no Police action has been taken, Vis a Vis beating up his girlfiend, the the allegation is true, therefore there is no Libel or Defamation has occurred.