Tales from the Freak Bar..3

[Sand Rat]

Originally posted by spazzy
Yeah, thanks Lloyd, but no thanks! lol Like I said before, apparently not all forms of birth control are 100%. lol. He\'s planning on getting fixed, but we\'re going to get it done locally. I like Texas and all, but I don\'t think he\'d appreciate the cross country drive home after it\'s done.

Liz, I\'ve often worried what kind of freaky little cretins I\'ll be sending out into the world, but apparently my oddities haven\'t had a real negative impact on the kids, so far. Usually I manage to be a good example to them, but when I slip up it\'s innevitable that there will be a five year old girl with big, innocent brown eyes standing next to me saying, \"mommy, what\'s an ass monkey?\"

Yeah, even the big snip isn\'t 100% - if he\'s gonna have it done, talk to the Doc about doing more than a minimalist cut and burn job - tell him you don\'t want a spontaneous reattachment to occur.


That happened to a buddy of mine - he\'s got two kids and twice the child support because of it.lol

 

[WingZ]

*stumbles up stairs*

....rectum...damn near killed em....


ooohhh...whats this do?
*pulls on a long silver chain*

 

[lizcam]

Originally posted by WingZ
*stumbles up stairs*

....rectum...damn near killed em....


ooohhh...whats this do?
*pulls on a long silver chain*

<A bucket of well placed dragon guano drops on head>

Be careful what you do around here. The Bar tends to know who\'s yanking it\'s chain, so to speak. It protects itself. You8 might just find yourself in a heap in Fluffy\'s littler box covered in yak butter.

Ask one of the sherpa\'s where the hose in the alley is. That $#it will eat your skin off if you\'re not careful.

 

[WingZ]

....wha..umm...this is some bull shi..dragon..never mind....


*heads toward the ally*...ohhhh...pretty lights...

 

[spazzy]

no prob, Liz, glad to have given you a giggle.

Lloyd, aside from the standard \"cut and burn\" job, what further mutilation do you recommend??

 

[Sand Rat]

Have \'em remove about an half an inch of tubing - no way they can spontaneously reattach when they don\'t touch on a regular basis - its what Dr. Chop did to a buddy of mine when he had him on the table.

Course, now Don did say that the worst part was not the swelling - it was realizing that the BBQ\'ed pork smell that was making him hungry was his own flesh burning while they cauterized things down there.lol

 

[spazzy]

Well, you know...pork IS the other white meat...:yes:

 

[Sand Rat]

True -

Just not sure that I want to be made hungry by the smell of my own burning flesh. Someone else\'s perhaps, but not my own.

And yes, I have smelled much burning human flesh in my time, before one of you smart arses asks.:drunk:

 

[Thunderhawker]

*Hobbles back into the bar*

It was all good until Brunhilda actualy
left the room.

*lights cigarette*

Barkeep, something to help me forget please!

 

[lizcam]

Originally posted by Thunderhawker
*Hobbles back into the bar*

It was all good until Brunhilda actualy
left the room.

*lights cigarette*

Barkeep, something to help me forget please!

Was Albert a bit rough? He takes those anal exams seriously. He\'ll talk to you about the trauma later tho\'. He is the Bar\'s shrink. Just be glad that it wasn\'t Ms Post. She has a nack for certain areas of the basement. I think she and Donna compare notes on a regular basis.

I\'m a sweetheart compared to the rest of them.







[size=-2]no they do NOT spring from my mind fully formed and come to life in the Freak Bar. It\'s all rumor. The similarities in spelling mistakes are just blind luck.[/size]

 

[Dragonsreach]

Originally posted by spazzy
Liz, I\'ve often worried what kind of freaky little cretins I\'ll be sending out into the world, but apparently my oddities haven\'t had a real negative impact on the kids, so far.
Usually I manage to be a good example to them, but when I slip up it\'s innevitable that there will be a five year old girl with big, innocent brown eyes standing next to me saying, \"mommy, what\'s an ass monkey?\"

Spazzy Thank you I\'ve just had a 10 minute coughing fit following that laugh.

And continuing the Baby theme I\'ve just found out that one of my neices (who lives in Edmonton, Alberta) is expecting, due around August. That \'ll make me a 7 times Great Uncle.
Maybe this one\'ll be a boy, cos we have; Lauren, Olivia, Sophie, Katie May, Sophie (II) & Emily.

 

[stubert]

Originally posted by Nurse Brunhilda
<walks into room snapping her latex gloves>

Right! So I ynderstand there are a few new patrons to this fine establishment. In order to maintain the health of the various members here I must do the required physical. Let\'s see <checks clip board> These some Wings fellow, Thunderhawk-somthing, a fellow named Stubert, and one other. Someone with an orange dog thingy for an icon. Line up and follw me please.

<heads towards the basement humming with Dear Albert, her assistant, following behind the line of...patients/victims...with a tazzer, prodding people who lag behind>

Well Iv never had a physical like that before, and Iv had a few, but you did have very nice warm hands they were your hands we\'nt they ???

And Im not shore if Iv met Killer or not. No it could\'ent have been him, this bloke was nice and brought me some drinks, but then come to think of it, I did wake up in the alley with out my pants. And something else, but I cant quite put my finger on it??

And I found the piss bowl, someone was useing it as a hat so I used it and gave it back .....stu.....

 

[airhead]

Spazzy, I can seriously relate.
My oldest was about 1 and a half. I had picked her up at daycare and was on my way home. Some idiot cut me off and I called him an \"a$$hole\".

I heard this cute little voice in the back trying out the new word.



For about an hour.

Of course I did not go home, I drove around talking to her trying to get her on a new new word.

 

[Thunderhawker]

Sadly that new word will never ever have the shine on it that any expletive they hear will, especially if said word was uttered with pure conviction at the time.

 

[spazzy]

hehe, Airhead, I remember coming home to hear my husband tell me a similar story. He was putting up a new back door when the power screwdriver slipped and hit him in the thumb. He called out, \"son of a bitch!\" and our daughter, who was three at the time, ran through the house \"bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch...\" He had similar difficulties trying to hook her on a new word.

 

[fieldarchy]

I will never forget the first time my sister said a curse word.

She must have been 3 or 4 at the time and I was about 10. My mom and I were in the kitchen, I was cooking pancakes and bacon for breakfast (it was a Saturday morning) and my mom was paying bills and clipping coupons.

My sister wakes up and comes down the stairs. She walks into the kitchen and my mom says, \"Ash, I forgot my wallet in my purse. Can you get it for me?\"

My sister rubs her eyes and says, \"Oh fuck!\"

I stopped what I was doing mid pancake flip, turned and looked at her. My mom just stared. Then we both said, \"Where did you learn that!\"

She then got upset cuz she realized she did something wrong. We told her she was ok but she couldn\'t say words like that.

It was pretty hilarious!

 

[mud duck]

This is why I use the statement
\"Son of a Motherless Goat!\"
It\'s clean, fun to say, and makes people wonder if you\'ve just cursed at then or not.:twisted:

 

[fieldarchy]

uh oh I\'m getting close to Freakin\' OUT yo!

 

[lizcam]

Originally posted by fieldarchy
uh oh I\'m getting close to Freakin\' OUT yo!

I\'d make some suggestions as to what you want your costume to be. They may put you in high heels and nothing else if you don\'t.

 

[Grumb]

Stumbles into the bar after a LONG absence.

Howdy everyone!


Spazzy, you pregers again? Congratulations.

And what\'s this I hear about examinations and costumes for the new freaks? Why, I feel slighted. All I got was a dingy old mop and a big bucket of dirty water...


Howsit folks?