Tales from the Freak Bar..4
- Thread starter wiccanpony
- Start date
fieldarchy
New member
Today is my Friday!
What up g\'s? So today is my \"friday\" at work! I have a nice long weekend coming up that I can\'t wait for it start! Aarong (Ollie) is flying in tonight and that is very exciting! I can\'t wait to see him.
Then we\'ve got a nice long weekend of painting and enjoying each other\'s company. That sounds like the perfect weekend to me! Oh and my first GD entry will be started this weekend
Hopefully I don\'t totally screw up!
What up g\'s? So today is my \"friday\" at work! I have a nice long weekend coming up that I can\'t wait for it start! Aarong (Ollie) is flying in tonight and that is very exciting! I can\'t wait to see him.
Then we\'ve got a nice long weekend of painting and enjoying each other\'s company. That sounds like the perfect weekend to me! Oh and my first GD entry will be started this weekend
Hopefully I don\'t totally screw up!
fieldarchy
New member
Sorry Steel . . . I work customer service too so I totally understand. I\'m just really looking forward to a nice four day weekend of nothing but painting (learning the finishing touches I need to learn to get my models up a bit) and spending time with my man.
Though this is the first time we are \"meeting\" so it\'s a bit nerve wracking.
Though this is the first time we are \"meeting\" so it\'s a bit nerve wracking.
fieldarchy
New member
Yeah see we don\'t have rankings here at my office so we get an even mix with no warning as to whether or not they are in a good mood or a bad mood.
I got a lovely call from a student last Friday that didn\'t even belong to me and she was droppin\' F bombs left and right. Meanwhile the problem was her fault anyway not ours.
I got a lovely call from a student last Friday that didn\'t even belong to me and she was droppin\' F bombs left and right. Meanwhile the problem was her fault anyway not ours.
fieldarchy
New member
yeah I get similar calls only it\'s usually students about 5 classes away from graduating who are finally giving up on themselves and decide to blame us instead.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
ahhhhh....... yes the “F” word, the kids use as a noun, verb and adjective.....makes me wonder what’s coming out ot their mouths in English Class???fieldarchy
New member
english class? What is this fabled thing you speak of?!
fieldarchy
New member
Hope y\'all are having a great weekend! I am having a fantastic weekend with Ollie. Lots of painting/learning going on.
Round of drinks for everyone, whatever y\'all want! I\'m in a FANTASTIC mood . . .
Round of drinks for everyone, whatever y\'all want! I\'m in a FANTASTIC mood . . .
lizcam
New member
Talk Form the Men\'s room NSFW!
Donna emailed this to me and I read it with my son reading over my shoulder. When I laughed he said all women are evil.
\"Please don\'t feel bad. It wasn\'t you entering the men\'s washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It\'s rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I\'ll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men\'s penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I\'m telling \'ya those little buggers can\'t be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I\'m no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don\'t usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I\'m such a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it\'s a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding about it. It\'s the dreaded \"morning wood.\"
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can\'t get that thing to bend, and if it won\'t bend you can\'t aim, well hell, if you can\'t aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin\' toilet seat won\'t stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you\'re newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it\'s just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won\'t bend. She said, \"So sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time.\"
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with \"morning wood.\" Well it\'s is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it\'s the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It\'s not our fault, it\'s just Mother Nature.\"
Donna emailed this to me and I read it with my son reading over my shoulder. When I laughed he said all women are evil.
\"Please don\'t feel bad. It wasn\'t you entering the men\'s washroom that caused that guy to pee on the guy next to him. Hell, we do that all the time. It\'s rare us guys ever hit what were aiming for. Sometimes I go into the washroom, start to pee, and then just start spinning around; just so I\'ll make sure I hit something.
You see, something you ladies should understand by now is that men\'s penises have a mind of their own. A guy can go into a bathroom stall because all the urinals are being used, take perfect aim at the toilet, and his penis will still manage to piss all over the roll of toilet paper, down his left pant leg, and onto his shoe. I\'m telling \'ya those little buggers can\'t be trusted.
After being married 28 years my wife has me trained. I\'m no longer allowed to pee like a man - standing up. I am required to sit down and pee. She has convinced me that this is a small price to pay. Otherwise, if she had gone to the toilet one more time at night and either sat on a pee soaked toilet seat, or fell right into the toilet because I forgot to put the seat down, she was going to kill me in my sleep.
Now another thing us guys don\'t usually like to talk about, but because you and I have become such good friends and you think I\'m such a classy guy, I might as well be candid with you because it\'s a real problem, and you ladies need to be understanding about it. It\'s the dreaded \"morning wood.\"
Most mornings us guys wake up with two things. A tremendous desire to pee, and a penis so hard you could cut diamonds with it. Well, no matter how hard you try, you can\'t get that thing to bend, and if it won\'t bend you can\'t aim, well hell, if you can\'t aim you have no choice but to piss all over the wall paper and that damn fuzzy toilet seat cover you women insist on putting on the toilet.
And by the way, when you use those damn fuzzy toilet seat covers, the friggin\' toilet seat won\'t stay up by itself. So that means we have to use one hand to hold up the toilet seat and the other hand to try to control our less than perfect aim. Now sometimes, when you\'re newly married, (and I know the guys in here will back me up on this) you think you can get the toilet seat with that damn fuzzy thing to stay up. You jam it back and compress that fuzzy thing until the seat stays there. OK, so you start to pee, but then that compressed fuzzy starts to decompress and without warning that damn toilet seat comes flying down and tries to whack off your weenie. So us guys will not lift a toilet seat with a fuzzy, it\'s just not safe.
I tried to delicately explain this morning situation to my wife. I told her... look, it won\'t bend. She said, \"So sit down like I told you to do all the rest of the time.\"
OK. I tried sitting down on the toilet with \"morning wood.\" Well it\'s is very hard to get it bent under the toilet seat, and before I could manage it, I had pissed all over the bath towels hanging on the wall across the room. Now, even if you are sitting down and you can get it forced down under the toilet seat, when you start to pee the pee shoots out from the crack between the bottom of the toilet seat and the top of the bowl. You piss all over the back of your knees and it runs down the back of our legs on to that matching fuzzy horseshoe rug you keep putting on the floor in front of the toilet.
I have found the only effective maneuver to deal with this morning urinary dilemma is to assume the flying Superman position laying over the toilet seat. This takes a great deal of practice, perfect balance, and split time precision but it\'s the only sure way to get all the pee in the bowl during the first morning pee. So you ladies have to understand that us men are not totally to blame. We are sensitive to your concerns about hygiene and bathroom cleanliness, but there are times when things just get beyond our control. It\'s not our fault, it\'s just Mother Nature.\"
Meg:
I have a tried and trusted methodology for dealing with a person like your colleague as you describe.
1) Try to remember that no matter how arrogant, how rude or \"how up themselves\" they are, at least once a day they are going to be sat on the toilet with there pants/panties around their ankles.
2) You can always make a list of the number of times and items you assist them with and a matching list of their help to you. When things get to boiling point hand them the list and invite them to \"discuss it\" in the Ladies room.
3) Ex-Lax is a great equaliser. (And NO I will not admit on a public forum how I know):innocent:
4) You have friends you can trust to keep quiet.
5) To one female colleague who was being a complete and utter COW, one of my co-workers (A few years ago) anonomously sent a very large bunch of flowers, quite expensive, and delivered to work with a card which read...\"QUIT BEING A BITCH!\". It worked.
I have a tried and trusted methodology for dealing with a person like your colleague as you describe.
1) Try to remember that no matter how arrogant, how rude or \"how up themselves\" they are, at least once a day they are going to be sat on the toilet with there pants/panties around their ankles.
2) You can always make a list of the number of times and items you assist them with and a matching list of their help to you. When things get to boiling point hand them the list and invite them to \"discuss it\" in the Ladies room.
3) Ex-Lax is a great equaliser. (And NO I will not admit on a public forum how I know)
:innocent:4) You have friends you can trust to keep quiet.
5) To one female colleague who was being a complete and utter COW, one of my co-workers (A few years ago) anonomously sent a very large bunch of flowers, quite expensive, and delivered to work with a card which read...\"QUIT BEING A BITCH!\". It worked.
Thunderhawker
New member
Another one - When you know they are working something that will require your assistance, you are conveniently out of the office... for days. (You may not actually be gone, just out of the immediate area).
I did this to a certain warrant officer when I was in the Army. He treated the NCO\'s like crap. When he realized we were avoiding him, he went to the Sergeant Major of the battalion who basically told him to suck it up, quit whining and \"do his damn job\". There were some more colorful metaphors used (as the sgt mjr told me later at NCO call). It altered his attitude greatly.
I did this to a certain warrant officer when I was in the Army. He treated the NCO\'s like crap. When he realized we were avoiding him, he went to the Sergeant Major of the battalion who basically told him to suck it up, quit whining and \"do his damn job\". There were some more colorful metaphors used (as the sgt mjr told me later at NCO call). It altered his attitude greatly.
fieldarchy
New member
Yeah sullen coworkers aren\'t fun. Not at all. But oh well, at least I have the satisfaction of knowing my life must be WAY better than hers . . .
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:beer:Entering Bar.........Bubba sweetheart, I’ll have some tea and croissants with honey, It was a very nice weekend at Casa Pony.....worked on minis and did nothing the rest of the time
Nice outfit Meg...... kind of Mop Girl Dominatrix, so how are the Freak Men treating you.....I notice they have been all talk and no action. They get very protective of the rare Mop Girl.lol
Nice outfit Meg...... kind of Mop Girl Dominatrix, so how are the Freak Men treating you.....I notice they have been all talk and no action. They get very protective of the rare Mop Girl.lol
fieldarchy
New member
Yeah you know the guys really have been quite respectful of late. I\'m starting to wonder what Bubba (or maybe Ollie) has been putting in the beer. Now Ollie on the other hand . . . well . . . :kiss:
That and I think that Killer got ahold of Billy, and for some reason Fluffy has taken to chasing cars. Catch and release on the roof of the bar. I\'ve got a crane out in the lot, so you (being the pusher of the golden mop at the moment) get first crack at it, but you do have to clean up after rather unplesant messes that the owners of those vehicles left as they ran in terror. May I sugest starting a flower garden of some sort up there? May make the clean up alittle easier. Mine you someone else WILL have to deal with it if I ever freak, seeing as I can kill potted plastic plant. I\'m knowen as the Black Thumb of Death is some circles.
