Roger Bunting
New member
That does indeed, Liz. I had quite forgotten it was tuesday yesterday. The bank holiday did that.
Tales from the Freak Bar..4
- Thread starter wiccanpony
- Start date
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:twisted: in my evil twisted mind I just had to share this one :twisted:
------------------------
Bad Day
-------------------------
Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a
commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent
to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a
\"worst job experience\" contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
bad day at the office. I know you\'ve been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it\'s
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It\'s a wetsuit. This time of
year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan,
and I\'ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get
to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the
back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It\'s like
working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within
a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now since I don\'t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn\'t
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact
that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of
the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face,
handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I
got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn\'t poop for
2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time you\'re having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
------------------------
Bad Day
-------------------------
Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a
commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent
to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a
\"worst job experience\" contest. Needless to say, she won.
Hi Sue,
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
bad day at the office. I know you\'ve been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it\'s
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It\'s a wetsuit. This time of
year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan,
and I\'ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get
to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the
back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It\'s like
working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within
a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now since I don\'t have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn\'t
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact
that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of
the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face,
handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I
got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn\'t poop for
2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time you\'re having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
Roger Bunting
New member
Painful and embarrasing. lol
I suppose he should just be glad it wasn\'t a deadly species.
I suppose he should just be glad it wasn\'t a deadly species.
Roger Bunting
New member
Holy Jebus! The bar seemed to flicker for a moment and disappear. I think I\'ve managed to fix it.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
It’s all Squig Hunter’s fault, all that post deleting has caused a dimensional rip in time and space. Glad Roger saved the Bar from being sucked into a Black Hole.:beer::beer::beer:Roger Bunting
New member
Had a visit from a couple of Jehovah\'s Witnesses this morning. I still wasn\'t fully awake so I just accepted their leaflet and read it afterwards. What a load of tripe! Maybe I should just have told them I\'m a card-carrying member of the Infernal Horde (actually it\'s just a membership card to Cacophonous Records, which was sent to me after I sent them a letter for info for my essay at uni.).
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
I don\'t even bother to be polite with JW\'s anymore, get off my doorstep or I shall release the hounds!!! :cussing: the only \"Good News\" I to hear is that I won a lottery.
Thunderhawker
New member
Hmmm - been quiet in here too long - A round for everyone on squig hunter! Place your orders! Bubba, I will take a Yeungling... pitcher.
Roger Bunting
New member
Bubba, the most expensive fruits made in to a smoothie for me, please!
The JW\'s leaflet was about all the suffering in the world and how the world is coming to an end and all that. Of course, with only carefully edited snippets from the bible and no evidence whatsoever relating to why they believe it\'s coming very soon.
The JW\'s leaflet was about all the suffering in the world and how the world is coming to an end and all that. Of course, with only carefully edited snippets from the bible and no evidence whatsoever relating to why they believe it\'s coming very soon.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:drool: Bubba!! some hot tea, my weekend was shall we say interesting...... all the working girls ( and get your minds out of the gutter people) in Casa Pony do their laundry on the weekend, six or seven large loads.
Of course as kismet would have it, the washer went tits up, repairman has been called and a appointment this week to fix it.
In the mean time one sis runs to the bank to get mucho rolls of quarters and meet the other sisters at the Laundromat for a fun full day of washing, loading wet clothes and rush home, thank the stars the dryer works
Oh......peachy, the cost of first class stamps went up today and Bush still claims we are not in a Recession.....if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and poops like a duck....well.....you do the math.
The air is still “Blue” around Casa Pony
Of course as kismet would have it, the washer went tits up, repairman has been called and a appointment this week to fix it.
In the mean time one sis runs to the bank to get mucho rolls of quarters and meet the other sisters at the Laundromat for a fun full day of washing, loading wet clothes and rush home, thank the stars the dryer works
Oh......peachy, the cost of first class stamps went up today and Bush still claims we are not in a Recession.....if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and poops like a duck....well.....you do the math.
The air is still “Blue” around Casa Pony
Roger Bunting
New member
Okay, I have to ask. What do you mean by \"Blue\"?
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:innocent: it means, many many many notty words were said...... much to nasty for your tender younger ears..
Roger Bunting
New member
I thought as much.
Is there someone here who shouldn\'t be (at least not without permission)? I think Killer\'s sniffed something. I think it\'s a trail from the potted plant, as if someone wandered too close to it and taken the stench with them. Eww....
Is there someone here who shouldn\'t be (at least not without permission)? I think Killer\'s sniffed something. I think it\'s a trail from the potted plant, as if someone wandered too close to it and taken the stench with them. Eww....
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
sitting at the bar watching while Springbok: Puts on his shades...Checks the coast is clear... Cue mission impossible theme music... Dives behind the potted plant... Crawls past the regulars... Tiptoes past the loo... Settles in a dark corner........ small smile touches lips......... another tender pure soul corrupted. Life is Good :twisted:
Welcome Mr. Bok.
We\'ve been waiting on you to show up.
Have a nice mug. The first one is on the house.
Ms. Pony, I am very sorry to hear about your machine. As a virtual person, I wear the same outfit constantly and am not entirely sure I can relate to your difficulty.
:beer:
We\'ve been waiting on you to show up.
Have a nice mug. The first one is on the house.
Ms. Pony, I am very sorry to hear about your machine. As a virtual person, I wear the same outfit constantly and am not entirely sure I can relate to your difficulty.
:beer:
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
:beer: and by the way Bubba, what\'s your secret to keeping your whites, white.....hummmmmmm
