Weight Loss Program

airhead

Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there\'s a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike
running shoes and a sign round her neck. She introduces herself as a
representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads:

\"If you can catch me, you can have me.\"

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On
the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. As
promised. He then calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

The next day there\'s a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning,
beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but
Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads:

\"If you catch me you can have me.\"

Well, he\'s out the door after her like a shot! This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does, it\'s definitely worth every muscle cramp and wheeze, so for the next four days, the same routine happens.

Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lb. as promised.

He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound
program. \"Are you sure?\" asks the representative on the phone, \"This is our
most rigorous program.\" \"Absolutely,\" he replies,\" I haven\'t felt this good in years.\"

The next day there\'s a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds this
huge, muscular, 7 ft man standing there, wearing nothing but pink running
shoes and a sign around his neck that read:

\"I\'m Dave. If I catch you, you\'re mine...\"
 

Avelorn

Sven Jonsson
haha.. I did hear this one before, actually when I was a kid. But then the last guy was a Gorilla.. :eek:
 

supervike

Super Moderator
funny!

We should start a classic joke thread.

Didn\'t we do that once before?

Anybody got any good ones?
 

wiccanpony

Official Freak Bar Witch
:eek::twisted::beer: make note to self: sign up for 7-day/50 pound program and remember to wear high heels to slow me down.
;)
 

Infidel Castro

New member
Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I can\'t pronounce my f\'s or my t\'s.

Doctor: Well, you can\'t say fairer than that then.


...


Hoho! That tickles me lol

And the subject of weight loss does raise lots of hackles around here. Perhaps the originator of the thread is feeling dangerous lol
 

airhead

Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
Originally posted by wiccanpony
:eek::twisted::beer: make note to self: sign up for 7-day/50 pound program and remember to wear high heels to slow me down.
;)
ok, new keyboard time. Note to self, don\'t read at lunch.

Originally posted by reverend
And the subject of weight loss does raise lots of hackles around here. Perhaps the originator of the thread is feeling dangerous lol
Not feeling any more dangerous than usual. Just thought it was funny. Rev, I\'ve seen pics of you, you\'ve got nothing to worry about.
 

airhead

Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
Originally posted by Torn blue sky
Are you implying our dear reverend is gay??? Oh my! :eek: lol
TBS, that is NOT what I said. :cussing:

I said he has nothing to worry about in the weight loss program. Quit trying to read stuff into my post that is not there.
:evil:
 

No Such Agency

New member
Originally posted by Avelorn
haha.. I did hear this one before, actually when I was a kid. But then the last guy was a Gorilla.. :eek:
Considering that gorillas have proportionately miniscule sexual organs and have not been observed engaging in homosexual activity in the wild, airhead\'s version is more zoologically accurate (unless the gorilla would simply beat him up).
 
Originally posted by wiccanpony
:eek::twisted::beer: make note to self: sign up for 7-day/50 pound program and remember to wear high heels to slow me down.
;)
So wWP are you saying you might let one of us catch you? Heres a joke for all,What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil??????????So your new around here arn\'t you?DDlollollol
 

wiccanpony

Official Freak Bar Witch
Originally posted by desertdragon1964
Originally posted by wiccanpony
:eek::twisted::beer: make note to self: sign up for 7-day/50 pound program and remember to wear high heels to slow me down.
;)
So wWP are you saying you might let one of us catch you? Heres a joke for all,What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil??????????So your new around here arn\'t you?DDlollollol

;) sure would......I have a \"thing\" about nude men in pink running shoes lollol
 

Shawn R. L.

New member
Way long time ago a missionary has been sent to the deep jungle. One of the things he is doing is teaching the locals english so as to be able to better communicate with them. He\'s teaching them all sorts of words and then one day while on a hike thru the jungle him and the group with him come across a couple making passionate love in the bushes. With a smirk one of the locals ask\'s the missionary: \"what do you call that?\" Well, being a rather prudish man, he stammers and turns red then blurts out: \"Umm, we call that riding a bike\".. Well the local whips out a bow and arrow and shoots the fellow making love in the bushes. Aghast, the missionary exclaims: \"why did you do that?!!!\" to which the man replies: \"that dude was riding my bike!!!\"lol
 
Yeah, that reminds me...

A girl goes to the supermarket... comes to the cashier with following items: one bottle of milk, one can of pop, one frozen meal, ONE apple, ONE toothbrush... you get the point. The cashier guy looks up at her and goes: \"Say, you\'re single, aren\'t you?\" - \"Yeah, how\'d you know?\" - \"Well, you\'re ugly...\"

Cracks me up every time...

Oh, and you know why men don\'t get cellulite? \'Cause it looks bad :rolleyes:
 
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