Well What next I wonder...

[squidders]

Hi All,

This month has been a terrible one. On the 2nd I lost my mother to stomach cancer. The funeral service was on monday. On the 12th, my partner Eloise lost her father to lung cancer. The service will take place next week.

It struck me that the terrible thing about cancer is that it removes hope from peoples lives. The fight with their cancer, I realised after, was not to beat it but to keep their humanity. Both my mother and Elle's father were very strong in the face of the symptoms inflicted upon them by the cancer and have given me more pride to have known and loved them.

It also struck me that having a two year-old son to raise who has unlimited smiles and affection has raised our spirits more than any words from wise people. It may be a cliché but having things to ground you and snap you out of despair can keep a person and indeed a stressed relationship whole.

My thoughts are with anyone who may be going through tough times at the moment. I don't know why I decided to write this - I tend to keep my personal affairs personal but I think saying this stuff may help me to deal with it and if anyone else is going through such times, I hope knowing they are not alone would help them also.

Sorry for the outburst.

Cheers,
Joe.

 

[gohkm]

Very sorry for your losses.

 

[PegaZus]

Sorry to hear that, Squidders. Father-in-law passed 2 years ago to cancer, and then it seems to be rampant at work. So many with cancer or have a loved one with it. Never noticed it when I was younger, but it seems to be everywhere as I grow older.

 

[Lord GreyWolf]

11th September we celebrate my Mother-inlaws 3rd year since her passing. She was diagnosed with a brain tumour 24th December 2007. [Crappy Xmas present for sure]
May 2010 Her Nana on her dad's side passed away from Bowel Cancer. Loosing her Mum and Nana was hard on my Wife. Both of these amazing ladies were very strong willed and stubborn.

To see them in their final moments was so hard on us all. It has been 3 years and still my wife finds it hard as her mum was her rock when she needed advice or simply some one to chat with she was there.

But with my support, her brother and our two kids [Miss 6 and Master 4] she has pulled through her lose. This year her Nana on her Mum's side passed [from a stroke or more to the point swarm of strokes] this was a big lose but she has coped well with it.

I guess I can say you take each day as it comes, hold onto those you love and care about and most of all celebrate their lives don't mourn for them.
My Mother inlaw no longer feels pain, she no longer has cancer, she is always with us. As my Daughter tells me each and every time she see's photos of her Nana. She tells me "Nana Doc is in my Heart and she loves me, I love her to daddy"

Miss 6 does remember her and the events at the funeral, the lad doesn't but we surround him with her images, and tell him she loved him more then he will every know or understand. We found a video of her when she was sick around about when my Son was 7 months she is in the video and we can hear her talking to my Son [who is trying to lean into a paddling pool and splash water] and then she walks across the screen, With her walking cane, and the many bandages/plasters on her legs [the Steroids were effecting her, she would bruise easy, or cut her self and they would take ages to heal]

It was a great find and one we did not know we had. we show him and his sister every so often to remind him.

To me I lost some one who was like a Mother to me not that evil mother-inlaw most guys have, she was an amazing women.

My Condolences to you and your family I know what your going through and you and your family will make it through these hard times.

Cheers
GreyWolf

 

[Dead Circus Monkey]

Condolences Squidders and everyone else.

Cancer sucks. It's like a plague in my family. My father did a little counting. 80% of the males who pass away in are family is from cancer of the prostate or bladder between the ages of 68 - 72 on both sides of the family.

My god father's daughter was recently diagnosed with breast cancer and is currently going under chemotherapy. It's has been a struggle to cope with to say the least.
Cousin of mine who was diagnosed with Breast Cancer over a year ago is now showing signs of remission.

Could never imagine myself living with cancer, I'm to weak, mentally. My heart goes out to those who fight it every day.

 

[wiccanpony]

my Condolences also Squidders, I know the pain you and your family are going through .. my brother passed on Monday

 

[squidders]

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your brother wiccanpony.

 

[dolenmorgul]

Same here, lost my father to lung cancer about two years ago (aged 69). The saddest thing for me is that he never got to meet my son, my girlfriend was pregnant at the time but we chose not to tell him as we didn't want to complicate his final moments. We gave his name to my son as a second name out of respect.
Today my mother who also has lung problems gets her results from the scan she had to undergo, we all keep our fingers crossed.
It's nice to see people sharing their losses on a forum like this and I would also like to convey my condoleances to all here who have loved and lost.

 

[Dragonsreach]

Joe:
Words are not enough sometimes, but My condolences and my sympathies are with you both.
Now go look after Eloise and the little one.

Wiccanpony:
Donna, known you on here so long you're like a sister, just wish I could be over there with you.

Dead Circus Monkey:
You'd be surprized as how resilient people really are. Like any battle, fighting cancer takes over a great part of your life, but it doesn't own it.
For some like my wife it can be a liberation, for others it unlocks strengths they didn't know they had.

 

[airhead]

My heart and prayers go out to you all.
My wife's parents are both gone. Both lived long and great lives.
My wife's brother went several years ago. Nasty rare autoimmune disease (Goodpasture), but they are all still in our hearts and memories.


In June, I lost my best friend from college. I was able to be at his side as he shed his body. I'm still hurting - he's the guy that originally taught me to paint minis vs. slapping paint on areas. There are times I see something new at the game shop and think I need to call him and tell him about it. He had a cancer on his spine. The docs told hime he had 6 months, he made it for three years.

Us at Disney last year.
View attachment 15166

 

[Avelorn]

So sorry for all you losses.

Death might at best the catalyst for action. Better take care of your beloved ones and settle old disputes before it is too late.

 

[10 ball]

All sad, dont know what to say

 

[AndyG]

I'm sorry mate and others who have posted here. Lost my gran to a bacterial infection 4 months ago very close to her after my mother died. To be honest I miss her worse now than when she died, just little things like yeah best give my dad and gran a ring it's Sunday best report in...oh yeah I can't can I she's dead. You get to that age and all your elders that appeared so strong and reliable in your life start getting frail and dependent on you.

Can't say it will be easy mate it won't but as you say you've your little one to bring you joy.

 

[squidders]

Thanks Guys, It's hard to pull positives from two people you love going through hell for an extended period before a very painful death at the ages of 61 and 60.

The funeral for Eloise's father is this Friday.

 

[RuneBrush]

To be honest I miss her worse now than when she died, just little things like yeah best give my dad and gran a ring it's Sunday best report in.

I find that I tend to have 'patches' of melancholy and think about various people who are no longer about. It's a sad fact of life that we don't realise what we have until it's no longer there and by then it's too late.

Don't listen to people when they say it'll get easer - it won't. What will happen in time is that you'll learn to adapt to life again with the person you lost no longer being there. You will think about them and the part they played in your life, regularly to begin with, remember them but don't live in the past or dwell on "what if's". Things that have happened in the past cannot be changed, you can only change the here and now.

I'm 32 now, I lost my father (and step father) by the time I was 14 and no longer have any grand parents. However I was fortunate enough to know all 4 of my grandparents and 2 of my great-grandparents, and I grew up in a loving caring family and am so lucky for that. My life experiences have made me the person I am today.

One thing that I was told by a family friend (who lost his mum when he was in his teens) - there are always people in the world who are worse off than we are, you don't have to be happy with your life but don't pity yourself.

Ho hum, random collection of things in this post.

Pete