What the h*ll should I do?

[Ghaffasa]

So, a funny story!

I am currently at university, attending a pretty long education. I had previously always lived alone in an apartment, until 1 month ago, when a young woman moved in. She rented the room next to mine.

She was very nice, and we became close friends in a matter of weeks. Also, I fell for her.

Earlier tonight I visited her and told her about my feelings. Unfortunately, she didn\'t share them.

Naturally, I\'m feeling a bit under the weather.

In a normal situation, one would most likely stop talking to the other until the entire situation had been forgotten. However, two things prevent this from happening in my case:

1. We are flatmates, and therefore we run into each other all the time. Also, we share a lot of things involving food and other practical things.

2. We are very good friends, which means that moving would be to turn my back on one of my most valued friendships.

How can this problem resolve itself if it\'s walking around in one\'s own home?

I apologise for any incoherency in this post, but I hope you understand anyway!

 

[Chern Ann]

Well, in my experience to keep your sanity, there are really only two things you can do:

1. Rebound relationship
2. Move out

Good luck!

 

[james sequeira]

Say you wish to remain friends and it will not affect this (but you know that is not true really deep down)

 

[AinuLainour]

You can always work to win her over, but it does sound like that may be too late (sounds like you\'ve been friend-zoned). Keep being friends either way.

 

[ScottRadom]

Kudo\'s for trying to make the play, but I defo reccomend bailing. Even if you are able to remain friends after all the dust is settled NO WAY can you guys be roomies.

I feel for ya, but sometimes like the end of the Incredible Hulk TV show you just gotta put your thumb out and walk on down to the next adventure while the \"sad walking away\" music is playing.

Seriously applaud you for going for it in the first place. Too many people I know would\'ve been content to just sort of do nothing and never take the risk. It\'s one of the bravest things you can do in life, risk comfort for something more. Sometimes it works and it\'s wonderful, sometimes it\'s a hard lesson learned that can still contribute to your wisdom.

 

[freakinacage]

Originally posted by ScottRadom
Kudo\'s for trying to make the play, but I defo reccomend bailing. Even if you are able to remain friends after all the dust is settled NO WAY can you guys be roomies.

i disagree. i fell for my old housemate and lived with her for 6 yrs. 2 yrs after i told her.

there are 2 options, you get over her or you can win her over (but don\'t try to). you never know, she may get drunk, shag your brains out and decide that you are worth it after all

 

[ColtheReaver]

First off, dont go bailing out of the place just cos you told her you liked her and she shot you down. Just be cool about it and carry on as normal. You never know, she might have a red hot buddy who visits every now and then .

If shes that good a friend to you she wont want to avoid you she may just not know what to say to you.

 

[Trovarion]

where\'s the problem? just realise that other mothers have beatuifull daughters too and let your feelings cool down a little. just dont think it\'s the end of the world and that you can never be happy without her, cause that\'s wrong.

accept all this, stay friends, ? ? ? ? , profit.

 

[Infidel Castro]

You\'ve got more balls than your average Joe

What I\'d do is ask her if what has been said would honestly, truly cause problems/awkwardness. If no, and you can deal with it, there\'s no bother living together. If there\'s any grounds for difficulties, make your excuses and leave...

 

[Ghaffasa]

Thanks to everyone who\'s replied!

I will probably just try to get over it and act as if the entire situation never occured (preferably without moving or avoiding her...).

Looking at it now, I feel that this thread was a very impulsive move.. Ah, well!

 

[EArkham]

Why not just tell her exactly what you told us in the first post?

Especially about wanting to resolve the problem, and the bit about not wanting to lose a valued friendship.

Kep

 

[Einion]

Take your feelings, mash them up into a tight ball and stuff them into a dark corner of your mind where they don\'t see daylight. Will make it much easier to see her and pretend nothing happened

Einion

 

[Donga]

A. Buy whiskey and firearms.

B. Spend all your time in the house wondering around in nothing but a pair of speedos. She\'ll either think you\'re a freak and move out or think you\'re a stud muffin and jump your bones. Either way problem solved.

C. (Sensible) actually try and clear the air by talking about how friendship is more important than trying to be in a relationship. Unsaid truths are far more destructive than embarrassing confessions. Then go on a meaningless sex romp to make your hurt feel better

 

[ScottRadom]

Originally posted by Donga
A. Buy whiskey and firearms.

B. Spend all your time in the house wondering around in nothing but a pair of speedos. She\'ll either think you\'re a freak and move out or think you\'re a stud muffin and jump your bones. Either way problem solved.

C. (Sensible) actually try and clear the air by talking about how friendship is more important than trying to be in a relationship. Unsaid truths are far more destructive than embarrassing confessions. Then go on a meaningless sex romp to make your hurt feel better

I\'m thoroughly dissapointed in your flippancy Donga.

Why provide these options as three distinct ones, when you know the best advice would be to do all three at once? C\'mon man, he asked for real advice here and you\'ve broken a good, solid plan into a watered down three choice decision.

Seriously, I still applaud your courage Ghaffasa. Interesting times ahead!

No matter what happens, years down the road you won\'t be chasing the great dragon of \"what if\", and you\'ll be eternally thankful you put it all on the line.

If you can salvage, great. But I ask you, can you stand to be just friends with this lady? I imagine that putting it all out their indicates you knew it might be an option to lose her as a friend. Hope it works out for you.

In the mean time I reccomend my own three step healing process.

1- Get Drunk

2- Meaningless sex

3- Repeat as neccessary.

Good luck amigo! Remember the old saying. \"There\'s lots of skanks in the sea.\".

 

[lizcam]

Ok, from a chicks point of view..........

It took guts to say it to her and she\'ll be flattered. Depending on what she\'s like if you make light of it she\'ll probably allow it to blow over. If you become tragic about it you\'ll force a situation where one of you will have to leave. I say treat it like it\'s no big deal (even though we know it is).

Then go out and have sex, drink and party. That\'ll make you feel better anyway.

 

[uberdark]

seriously. this same thing happened to me. just realize she is nto the be all end all and move on. i had a friend in college, super hottie who i fell for. then one drunken night i shared with her my feelings. she didnt reciprocate and i was shattered for a few days. i told her i was and i would get over it. a few months later i met someone else and in the meantime this girl helped me land a few dates with the new hottie. it was great and to this day she and i still talk on a regular basis.

my idea is simple: use the dame to find another hotter dame for you. :twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted::twisted:

 

[crazyboyae1]

yo it would actualy help things to get with another girl so that she thinks its an old thing. otherwise she will always have it in the back of her mind that you like her, which will make it weird. but if you get with some other girl for a little while then she will know your not \"hung up\" on her.

I would do that if i was you

 

[AegisD]

As someone who has been in a similar situation before, I\'d say the best advice is just to let it go. As weird as it sounds, be natural and don\'t think about it. Dwelling on it is your enemy. Give her some space for a while, then try going back to business as usual. If you guys used to hang out, see if she wants to hang out etc. The important part of this is to make sure she knows that you know it isn\'t happening, and you\'re ok with that. But say it with actions. I wouldn\'t try discussing it further, because then you\'re just dwelling on it more.

If that doesn\'t work though, and she\'s hung up on it, I\'d apologize and say this isn\'t working out, then look for a new place.

 

[Trevor]

she may get drunk, shag your brains out and decide that you are worth it after all

This has worked for me...

 

[No Such Agency]

Originally posted by EArkham
Why not just tell her exactly what you told us in the first post?

Especially about wanting to resolve the problem, and the bit about not wanting to lose a valued friendship.

Kep

Best piece of advice here in my opinion.