It passes the squint test for sure....thats usually a good indicator of if your implied volumes highlights etc are working to define the shapes. The next step is to try to refine those shapes ect without increasing the quantity of brush marks I guess.
There is something very intuitive about the style you are trying...its almost something you shouldnt be trying to do (if that makes sense) it should be instinctive and free flowing.
Making minimal marks to imply form etc takes time to understand how and where to place your brush marks to achieve the volumes, lighting, motion and materials you are trying to emulate. If you have ever taken a life class its often the first thing you are encourage to try to refine...single stroke, line making to imply form and sometimes motion...what is the fewest marks you can make to clearly define a complicated form like the human body. The principals are the same, just with colour and minimal brushmarks to imply texture, light and form.
Its a cool excersise and learning process though, one maybe a few of us should give a go at some point. Look forward to seeing how the rest come along.