Bad Times, Dark Days

[kathrynloch]

J.
Could I have saved the marriage? NO! Why? Because it takes two people willing to work at having a successful marriage. My Ex was not willing to preserve the relationship. It sounds like yours is not either, so best advice I can offer you is to not focus on trying to save the marriage. It's done. Move on.

Blood - you hit that damn nail square on the head.

DFB - I'm so sorry I just saw this. I was not feeling well and only now getting back up to par. But you have many friends here. I know that bleak feeling when you wonder how you can face tomorrow, your goals for the most part have suddenly changed or up and disappeared, and you're just absolutely lost.

But please, please don't feel like a failure. I know it's easy to say and hard to do - especially if the ex is turning the situation around in that direction.

From a woman's POV, it seems like many guys are willing to keep on trucking and not notice that the relationship is drifting farther apart. But as a gal who has gone through her share of rough spots - if a girl doesn't stand up and say something, smack some heads together if necessary, but just expects the guy to suddenly "osmosis" something is wrong and automatically do something about it...*snort* then she (pardon me for being blunt here) is an idiot.

You don't throw away 10 years! Walking away is the same thing as saying, nope too much work. Well, I got news for her - any relationship is WORK! Compromise my bleepin' behind! You work at relationships and if what you're trying doesn't solve the problem, you try something else, then something else, and you keep going, you keep working until you and your guy solve the problem.

While I honestly have no clue, just from your brief description, it sounds like someone thinks the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. It will be for a short time - then reality comes back to bite and it bites hard!

So, I'm terribly sorry DFB, I know you're hurting terribly and there's not much anyone can do to make that hurt go away. Just know you have friends here and you have people to talk to. I'll be here if you need to vent, rage, cry, or laugh like a crazy person. I'm only a PM away.

I hate that you have to go through this, but I have a feeling you've got a strength in you that will surprise you. I know you're probably thinking - well, where in the hell is it? It's there! Trust me on this!

Hang in there hun! BIG HUGS!!!!

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

Thanks for your message Kath, I have PM'ed you.

dfb

 

[Tommie Soule]

To be honest I'm not sure why I am writing this thread. I started off with the intention of just mentioning I may not be around much anymore, but I'll be popping in now and then. Just a quick kind of "bye for now folks". The reason being I am currently going through a very out of the blue seperation from my wife of nearly 10 years. She left me officially on Monday last week, I met her again on saturday and wrote a heart felt plea I wrote to her to say lets sort things out instead of just throwing everything away. Technically the problems we had were very kind of stuck in a rut, leading seperate lives and so on. Things that you can mend. But her career will be taking her away and she gave me a firm no. So my world and life has collapsed and I find my interests dont interest me and its hard if not impossible to think of anything else. Try thinking about such a thing and how you are a failure for all your waking hours its a big emotional drain.

Anyway, I am not one to air emotional laundry. I normally go for the strong, silent deal with it type approach. But I think this situation is beyond me. Maybe its best I stay on here to keep my mind distracted. I dont know. I'm just typing random thoughts now. So time to sign off. Never felt so low and destroyed in all my life.

dfb

Cry it out man, let it release as much as it needs, do what you need to do.
We'll be waiting here to see you come back fightin' fit cos the power is all yours.

you know it

T

 

[BPI]

Grind through the dark days DFB, you'll get there. Best of luck with it all :good: Cheers, B.

 

[SkelettetS]

damn dfb, im really really sorry to hear this...

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

Thanks Stefan, yeah I will try and kick my arse into gear and get something done. We have a man date at Games Day 2012! I dont want to let you down, and I want to see what you come up with for it in person as well as the stuff of any other CMONers who are going this year. I am a little pissed that the first one I go to (hopefully) will not include a figure. And of course I have no intention of lining GW pockets further.

But today is my 40th birthday, so its a do f*** all day for me. I am going for a walk at a local beauty spot (Golitha Falls) and just going to hang out, read a little, listen to some music, might take my sketch pad and try and draw something as this area has an eerie celtic feel, everything is covered in moss and exposed roots are everywhere with some nice little falls to. Might also go for a wander on the moors. if the weather is good - just looked outside and its gone from sunny to overcast and windy. shit.

dfb

 

[me_in_japan]

Happy birthday, dude here's hoping your 40th year is better than your 39th (which I have every confidence it will)

 

[RuneBrush]

Happy birthday m8y!

 

[SkelettetS]

yay! happy happy birthday mr May arty: im happy your still in meeting up at gamesday even if your not bringing a slayer entry (maybe i have a chance then )

 

[cfwheeler58]

So....all the real good stuff has been said...I think.......

I have some history with your situation. Won't go in to it here, but suffice
to say some really big, unexpected and painful changes.

Trying not to repeat some good things already said here by YOUR FRIENDS
regarding exercise, booze, etc.

I have 6 suggestions, based on my own experience.

1) Try to reconnect with your best previous personal spiritual self. Take some quiet time to revisit
your own past and your most peaceful, zen phases of your life. Try to be open to drawing on that
knowlwdge of yourself to create some new zen. Some form of exercise and / or meditation will be
part of this, typically. For some, prayer or a return to a prior religous routine helps.

2) Set a goal to try or do one new thing every day ( food, music, TV show, a walk via a new route....anything )
It is both a distraction and a catalyst to seeing things differently. It can also be helpful if "everything
reminds me of her....." Do NOT wallow in all things that were and are "her". Resist.

3) Strive for consistency in your sleep habits. Your brain needs it's rest too.

4) There is a time coming when you will need to forgive. It could be her. It could be yourself.
It's way too early to do it...but not too early to think about it and be open to it, especially
in conjunction with the search for zen, as in #1 above.

5) A good piece of advice from a friend of mine during my own period of darkness....
Ask yourself EVERY DAY if you are withdrawing from your own life. If you are...resist.
If you know you are and honestly can't break free of it....seek counselling, at least for a
transitional period.

6) More than any other time in your lfe, this is the time to give yourself a vacation from any
form of guilt for choosing to enjoy things you like. For many of us, this is one of the hardest
things to do....but is a huge aid to the personal healing process.

There is a big difference between trying to enjoy your life and letting yourself enjoy it.
You will know what I mean soon enough.

That's all I got, buddy. That and happy birthday.

Chris

 

[gohkm]

Aw, mate, that's terrible to hear. There have been many good suggestions here, but I'd say to try out one more: a change of environment. Maybe get out for a short vacation to get it out of your system. Some where far away. If you want to hop on a plane, I can guarantee you a spot on the couch in either Singapore or Australia. PM me and we'll work something out.

Or you could do what one of my friends did in her dark days - she went to India, to a Buddhist retreat to heal and reflect on life for a fortnight. She definitely came back a bit better.

Hang in there, old chap. And happy birthday! Even if it don't seem very happy. Maybe we could all chip in for a little prezzie for DFB?

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

I got up a short while ago and within about 20 minutes I had a friend spend quite some time chatting to me on Facebook, then I come over to cmon to see whats going on and read the kind posts above and a few tears start welling up. I just want to emphasis how much it means to me that people have rallied around with advice and words of support, it has helped me immensely and it makes me proud to be part of a forum with such a great bunch of warm hearted people. A big heart felt thank you to you all.

dfb

ps - gohkm - I hear what you are saying about the break. My wife is doing this as we speak. Problem is money. I paid all the bills and she ran the car, shared the mortgage and saved for the holidays. So I have none to spare. I would love to visit Oz one day or Singapore, so I may hold you to that offer mate!

 

[gohkm]

I got up a short while ago and within about 20 minutes I had a friend spend quite some time chatting to me on Facebook, then I come over to cmon to see whats going on and read the kind posts above and a few tears start welling up. I just want to emphasis how much it means to me that people have rallied around with advice and words of support, it has helped me immensely and it makes me proud to be part of a forum with such a great bunch of warm hearted people. A big heart felt thank you to you all.

dfb

ps - gohkm - I hear what you are saying about the break. My wife is doing this as we speak. Problem is money. I paid all the bills and she ran the car, shared the mortgage and saved for the holidays. So I have none to spare. I would love to visit Oz one day or Singapore, so I may hold you to that offer mate!

The support this community has repeatedly shown for its members over the past years has always been very touching. It's all about the global citizenship model, mate .

Any time you want to come over, DFB, just PM me. I fly on business very often, but I'll do my best to arrange things for you so all you have to show up if you want to. No dramas to me - I like having folks over. Besides, all that single malt in the cabinet, and no-one to drink it with ... no, not the 25 year old, but the different 18s and 12s ...

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

Thanks mate. Yes, that single malt 25 year old needs to remain pure and holy!

 

[freakinacage]

I got up a short while ago and within about 20 minutes I had a friend spend quite some time chatting to me on Facebook, then I come over to cmon to see whats going on and read the kind posts above and a few tears start welling up.

Poof! Get on with it!

Happy b'day btw

 

[skraaal]

Bah didn't read that it was your Birthday until now, so happy belated Birthday man. As others have said, it's horrible when things like this happen, but you do have the support of everyone on this forum so lean on us at anytime, I speak for myself of course but as others in this thread have pointed out they all feel the same way.

When I feel bad or down, I escape reality and get lost in a book, or I do some exercise and then reflect on all of the good things in life rather than letting myself focus on the bad shite. I also do this thing where I try to make at least one person smile in a day, If I can make them feel better I know that there's good still left in this world which in turn makes me feel that little bit better.

Be strong, and focus on whats good, the rest will follow.

HUGS! x Erm...I mean manly pat on the back. :brushwave:

Skraaal.

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

Poof! Get on with it!

Happy b'day btw

Normally I'd punch a man out for that but I'm just gonna hug you and cry....

dfb

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

Bah didn't read that it was your Birthday until now, so happy belated Birthday man. As others have said, it's horrible when things like this happen, but you do have the support of everyone on this forum so lean on us at anytime, I speak for myself of course but as others in this thread have pointed out they all feel the same way.

When I feel bad or down, I escape reality and get lost in a book, or I do some exercise and then reflect on all of the good things in life rather than letting myself focus on the bad shite. I also do this thing where I try to make at least one person smile in a day, If I can make them feel better I know that there's good still left in this world which in turn makes me feel that little bit better.

Be strong, and focus on whats good, the rest will follow.

HUGS! x Erm...I mean manly pat on the back. :brushwave:

Skraaal.

Cheers skraal. Gonna try and get back on the painting wagon next week. Still have a base to do for that ork boss I did a while back. Plus my nephews have the Talisman game and want to paint the plastic figures so I shall be popping over to teach them a thing or two.

dfb