advice on personal relationship

[Helga]

I tell this like the situation is:

my husband\'s best friend\'s wife is a total dumb.
My husband and his friend want to be me and her to be as close friends as they are.
I tried. Its useless. Even my husband avoids the Lady of his friend, but he is expecting me to make friends with her.

Her good attributes are:
- she cares for her children
- she is very pretty
- she is always nice/friendly

Her bad attributes are:
- she cannot hold a conversation topic
- she is dumb like shit
- she is always nice/friendly

Has anyone of you ever encountered a situation like this let me know some tips.

She is probably a very good person but she is so dumb, being in her talkative company is so boring, it makes me turn to drink.

 

[Talion]

Your Husband may want you to be best of friends, but he cannot ofrce you to be.

My girlfriend has many friends that I dislike very much, but when with them you just have to keep quite and try to be socialable for your partners sake.

He should be grateful that you talk to her if you dont get on. You could just as easily ignore her and make his life more difficult.

You can be socialable without having to be bestest buddies

 

[Herb the bitter]

My advice was to drink, but it looks like you figured that out on your own.

 

[lizcam]

Smile, make polite conversation, grit your teeth when she gets really stupid and avoid making plans that include you and her being alone together. Encourage your husband to see his friend without you if you can but be supportive.

My husband has many friends with spouses I just don\'t like. As a rule I\'m suspicous of women anyway, knowing the games they play, and there are one or two who just set my teeth on edge. I\'m polite and pleasant when needed but avoid them when I can. Don\'t try to make friends it won\'t work.

 

[NINJAWIZARD]

Being the misanthrope that I am, I would tell her to STFU when she acts stupid and/or gets on my nerves. Yeah, your hubby might get irked, but he cannot rightly blame you.

It\'s tough for you to be friends with someone just because they, well, lemme just say being in your situation is tough.

I got lucky recently, though. My wife\'s friend from high school has been dating the same guy for about 6 years now. They just had their first baby a couple months back, and ours is now 9 months. That brought her friend back into her life, which brought her boyfriend into ours.
For the first time that I can think of, I get along very well with her boyfriend. In fact, I would consider him one of my closest friends now. We\'ll go do stuff without the girls, even.

Sorry that doesn\'t help you much. But you\'re a girl... can\'t you just fake it? lol

 

[Rastl]

Heck, consider spending time with her a vacation from the pressing need to be coherent.

Light conversation has its place. And from what you\'ve described its place is with her.

She\'s pretty and friendly. Talk about clothes, jewelry, TV shows, etc. Small talk. Not every conversation has to be deep and meaningful.

When you take her on her strengths then you\'ll be fine.

I\'ve had to deal with things like this as well. Endure it when you have to, avoid it when you can. If you can get away with it have her \'keep you company\' while you paint. Sounds like she won\'t be much of a distraction. She might even want to paint with you which would be bonus points for you!

 

[cfwheeler58]

Send her your original post above. That should take care of it.......

If she reads it and says \" You think I\'m pretty\" ????.....slay her where she stands.

Seriously....no one should pick your friends for you. It\'s hard enough doing it yourself.
If you\'ve looked for common ground and can\'t find it, it probably doesn\'t exist.

 

[airhead]

Friends have to be made, but friendships cannot be forced. However, it is nicer if you two can be part of 2 couples.

Find her interests - makeup? shopping? the kids (what mom won\'t talk about her kids?). Chat a bit, nod politely and order another drink.

 

[vincegamer]

I actually have a similar situation.
One of my wife\'s friends is married to a guy who has some very odd traits and isn\'t the best thinker.

What I do is find out what is interesting to him, then let him talk about it while I get as much amusement as possible.

 

[supervike]

You can pick your friends
You can pick your nose.

But for some reason, you aren\'t allowed to murder them, chop the body parts up into bite sized chunks, feed them to the neighborhood dog, collect the insurance money, and then go watch television.

I sure hope this helps.

 

[Wren]

I think it would help to know why your husband wants you to be friends. My guess would be one of two reasons. 1. He would like all four of you to spend time together. 2. He wants to spend time with his friend, but his friend\'s wife won\'t let his friend go out as often unless she can come too. So if you two are friends the guys can go hang out together while you entertain Mrs. Chatty.

If it\'s all about spending time as a group, explain to your husband you\'re never going to really be good friends with this woman, but maybe you can do regular activities where there is less talking, or where you\'re all talking together about the activity instead of mindless chitchat about kids and makeup. Go to the movies. Bowling, golfing, tennis or some other sport. Play board games. Stuff like that?

If it\'s more that your husband wants to do guy things with his friend while you entertain Mrs. Chatty, you should probably just be honest with him that you really can\'t spend that much time alone with her because she drives you nuts.

 

[farseerlum]

nothing short of a lesbian fling will do.

please post pictures.

 

[Einion]

Originally posted by Helga
Her bad attributes are:
- she cannot hold a conversation topic
- she is dumb like shit

Well this would be like a sentence in purgatory for me so I can undertand why you\'d want to avoid it like the plague.

Originally posted by Helga
Has anyone of you ever encountered a situation like this let me know some tips.

I have had times in the past when social situations with gf/wife put me in this sort of situation. In short bursts it\'s something you can grit your teeth and bear. For anything more than the occasional get-together though I would talk to your hubby, tell him plain what the problem is; I\'m sure he\'ll understand. Life is too short, literally, to waste much of it on something you don\'t want to do.

Originally posted by Helga
She is probably a very good person but she is so dumb, being in her talkative company is so boring, it makes me turn to drink.

:beer: beer :drunk:

Einion

 

[Talion]

Originally posted by supervike
You can pick your friends
You can pick your nose.

I see your reasoning, but you failed to answer one vital question......

Can you pick your friends nose?

 

[PegaZus]

Originally posted by Talion

Originally posted by supervike
You can pick your friends
You can pick your nose.

I see your reasoning, but you failed to answer one vital question......

Can you pick your friends nose?

Only if you\'re married to said friend!

<driving>

W: Don\'t move.

H: Why?

W: I said don\'t move.

<wipe>

W: That was disgusting.

 

[hakoMike]

The fact that you are posting here instead of having already given ultimatums shows that you are interested in the things that are important to your husband. That is a wonderful quality in a marriage.

In contrast to the above advice, I recommend that you find at least one time to go and do something with only this person. I personally am very bad at small talk, but I find that the more time I spend with someone the more comfortable we both are just being in each other\'s company. I have some friends of startlingly varying intelligence and education levels. Some of these friends I could never have imagined becoming such.

You don\'t have to force a friendship, but having at least a casual connection with this person might not be so bad.

 

[philologus]

It is very encouraging that you want to please your spouse. I have had similar situations, and over the years it occurred to me that while I find myself engaging, dashing, witty, and astute; there just might be someone thinking the same way about me that you think about this lady.

One thing I have learned about people is that they love to talk about themselves. In fact if we are honest about it, how many of us quickly steer the conversation onto ourselves?

e.g. \"We went Disney World as a family\" response: \"We did that last year and we got a great rate, and the kids had a great time,......\"

Sometimes it\'s more human if the conversation goes like this: \"We went Disney World as a family\" response: \"Really, tell me about that.\" I found that if you let people talk about themselves and just listen well, they really admire you. The benefit is you don\'t have to generate conversation fodder, you learn about other people, you get to practice the lost art of listening, and you just mind find a new friend having exerted little effort.

If she is the dullard you describe she probably has few friends she can confide in. This will also benefit your husband\'s relationship with his friend and he will respect you for being such a good listener.

I have had really dumb people rescue me from a pinch merely because I had been a friend to them when no one else would. Hope that helps.

 

[Ebonbuddha]

And I would like to know why not.lol

Originally posted by supervike

But for some reason, you aren\'t allowed to murder them, chop the body parts up into bite sized chunks, feed them to the neighborhood dog, collect the insurance money, and then go watch television.

 

[tooshy]

Originally posted by farseerlum
nothing short of a lesbian fling will do.

please post pictures.

ROTFL.... lol lol lol lol lol

 

[Ebonbuddha]

Helga; try to work around this. It is a bad thing for your marriage.
I’m in a similar situation. But it’s with someone my wife met while we were dating. They annoy the hell out of me. I gave up on being social. This of course has strained my marriage. I think they got the picture when I would just out and out ignore them. No subtlety was involved. lol