Problems with my painting hobby

[Master of fact]

I don't know what to do. I cannot get motivated to do any painting, this is due to my wife hating and not understanding my hobby. I painted for 20 minutes tonight and got the cold shoulder and quote " why bother paint your geeky models, you never finish them".

This week alone iv painted for a grand total of an hour. I dont do this all the time, i spend time with her, do house work, look after kids and prepare most meal's. Im getting really pissed off just re-reading this. Sorry i needed somewhere to vent, maybe some of you have similar experience's and how they dealt with them.

I just want to paint and get better, instead im getting worse.

 

[A Luna]

I know what you're going through. I got the same problem. I like the hobby and leaving feedback/helping. But I barely paint myself. I need to get back into this.
My tip is that you scroll through CMON galleries or look at several sites/new releases/greens of miniatures. They always motivate me to paint.

 

[pate]

My gf doesn't reallyt understand it either. She thinks it about as geeky as it gets, but she doesn't give me a hard time about it. I guess that's because I rarely paint while she's at home. She's getting more used to it though. The last week I've kept on painting for half an hour or so, after she'd be home from work or training or whatever, and on two occassions she actually was looking over my shoulder while I was painting! Generally though: I try to divide my time between spending time with her, letting her do stuff she wants, doing stuff with her that she wants to do and then doing what I want to do This, more often than not, results in me showeling horse shit in her stables

So, what I suggest that you do is get your wife a horse! Then, whenever she remarks about your geeky mini's you can say "Ehm, you're into horses, how cool is that? Horses are cool on two occassions; when they're mounted by A: Knights, B: Gunslinging Outlaws". And, gaining favor by showeling shit helps too!;P

 

[painting]

I don't know what to do. I cannot get motivated to do any painting, this is due to my wife hating and not understanding my hobby. I painted for 20 minutes tonight and got the cold shoulder and quote " why bother paint your geeky models, you never finish them".

This week alone iv painted for a grand total of an hour. I dont do this all the time, i spend time with her, do house work, look after kids and prepare most meal's. Im getting really pissed off just re-reading this. Sorry i needed somewhere to vent, maybe some of you have similar experience's and how they dealt with them.

I just want to paint and get better, instead im getting worse.

the truth is it wouldn't matter what you were doing. if she perceives your hobby is more important than her, she will react the same way every time. it has very little to do with miniatures.

how long have you been married? just curious.

 

[Jazz is for losers]

It might help if you finished some minis too. Put all the half-finished stuff into a cupboard and bring out one at a time, and finish them.

 

[ScottRadom]

Guess it depends on your relationship. When my wife tries to give me the gears about my hobby I remind her that I take no shit from someone who watches Grey's Anatomy. Different strokes for different folks!

If it's something you want to do and it gives you satisfaction then in NO WAY is it unimportant. This is the thing that get's me about our hobby. I'm a geek/nerd whatever because I enjoy painting mini's but if I spent the same amount of time on a golf course or tuning up a car would I be cool?

It's your relationship so it's tough to give generic advice. So I won't try. But if you love it, do it. We have a peaceful, constructive, and goal oriented hobby. Also comes with a great set of online support and advice groups! NOTHING wrong with it. It's awesome. Don't you dare quit.

 

[DXM]

It's hard to give advice because probably as a single guy what I would say would be insultive, so I won't.
I'll just say, I had this type of discussion with my ex GF. No, we did not break up because of the hobby. We were polar opposites, she was in to fitness, me not. She's 5-2 , 110 pounds, me 6 feet , about 300 ( solid though) She was into fashion, me..could care less. I'm a jeans and t-shirt guy. But we respected each other so even after 18 years, she is still my best friend.
She asked me one time, If she said that I had to stop the hobby, what you I say, I look here straight in the eye and said.....I was doing this hobby long before I meet you and will continue it long after you walk out that door. She laughed and said yah probably. I never tried to change her and she never tried with me. Mutual respect. We had our we time and there was her time and my time. I could have been boozing and womanizing but most evening she knew were I was, home with my hobby.

 

[SkelettetS]

guess im rather lucky, my gf have always been supportive even if she sometimes tries to be funny mentioning 'toy soldiers', and she had a blast when i picked up som medals at a competition. but she is never mean, she just think is kind of funny. well, sometimes she's bored when i just sit there all day long, but i dont blame her, really.

kind of nerdy, sure, i can live with that. as scott said, taking a golf course and try to get a bloody ball into a damn hole all day long, is that cool?

 

[mickc22]

Guess it depends on your relationship. When my wife tries to give me the gears about my hobby I remind her that I take no shit from someone who watches Grey's Anatomy. Different strokes for different folks!

If it's something you want to do and it gives you satisfaction then in NO WAY is it unimportant. This is the thing that get's me about our hobby. I'm a geek/nerd whatever because I enjoy painting mini's but if I spent the same amount of time on a golf course or tuning up a car would I be cool?

It's your relationship so it's tough to give generic advice. So I won't try. But if you love it, do it. We have a peaceful, constructive, and goal oriented hobby. Also comes with a great set of online support and advice groups! NOTHING wrong with it. It's awesome. Don't you dare quit.

Couldn't have put it any better apart from changing Grey's Anatomy to Eastenders (what a pile....)
..oh, and yeah finishing at least a couple off, can usually get you an "How did you paint that..." or "How did you make that..." and can up your Kudos a tad
Just hang in there till the kids leave home, then you can take over one of the bedrooms. I've only got 2 more to go, but they just wont leave damn them!!
Or tell her you're taking up golf, then work out how much everything costs, don't forget club membership as well, that's bloody astronomical! Plus all the time you'll be down at the Golf course/club



edit: And what DXM said is pretty spot on too, I've making models since I was 13, I'm 49 this year (eeek! next month!!) it's a part of what makes me, me. :smile-big:
Does your wife have a hobby/pastime? My wife reads those "Mills & Boon" type of books, and does Cross Stitching, (she's done some pretty stunning pieces as well), maybe buy her a book next time you buy something for your hobby

 

[Dragonsreach]

I don't know what to do. I cannot get motivated to do any painting, this is due to my wife hating and not understanding my hobby. I painted for 20 minutes tonight and got the cold shoulder and quote " why bother paint your geeky models, you never finish them".

I don't think the problem is only with or about your hobby.
I'm not a marriage counsellor, but this sounds as if there are more underlying issues than just painting.

If her attitude towards your hobby is depressing you, it needs to be addressed NOW. Allowing it to fester will only damage the relationship to the point where it could breakdown or start to worsen an existing depression. And from reading what you have written, it sounds as if you are on the threshold of a depressive state.

I think its time for a "sit down and talk" moment with your wife, but before you do that take some time to analyse a few things:-
Why you paint?
What do you do around the house in domestic chores /responsibilities?
Do you have an obsessive purchasing habit on mini's? (Speaking from experience here!!)
Do you show her enough attention?

I'd suggest you take her somewhere neutral, away from the kids and out of the house so that neither of you feel territorial about the discussion.
Talking about any problems like this one may help, but be aware it will cause changes no matter what.

There are so many old jokes about marriages that I will not bother with, but remember this a marriage is always a balancing act between two people.

 

[Einion]

Man this place is great! Perfect chance for a bunch of cheap shots at Master of fact's wife and everyone comes out with really insightful advice instead. I love you guys *sniff*

Other than being chock full of admiration for DR's post in particular, I would echo what Jazz said - try to knuckle down and finish something instead of doing a bit of this and a bit of that. Doesn't matter if you're not 100% happy with it, if it's finished at least it's finished and completed models are a great incentive for many people. Plus completed pieces are the way to gauge your improvement over time... remember you can always strip things next year or three years from now, on the quiet, if you want to do it better :wink:

Einion

 

[Joek]

From a personal perspective, I always just focus on the fact that I paint because I enjoy it as a hobby. I don't do it for a living and no-one's holding a gun to my head to force me to pick up a brush. If I'm not in the mood for it, then it shouldn't be a problem. I haven't picked up a brush since January and not entirely sure (what with the business plans etc) when I'll get the urge to at the moment. However, this happened between October and January in 2009/10 too, so that lack of inpiration just happens really. Nothing to do with not being keen with the hobby, just not really what I wanted to do at that moment in time. But it always comes back, and the trick then is to catch it whilst the mood is really there I guess!

 

[BarstoolProphet]

Another single guy piping up. I think DR's advice is probably the strongest to emphasize, but on the painting side, the 'why do you paint?' question seems the most important. For myself, painting is relaxing. My equivalent of sitting in lotus position going 'Ooommmmmm'.

 

[Wyrmypops]

If it is a motivational issue and not a marriage issue, then reckon you've helped yourself out already. I was suffering in the motivation stakes too, and figured joining this community would help. I was right for a change. Seeing others painted figs, reading and joining in the hobby talk helps a treat.

Though also does having a dedicated painting area. I had to make one. Had to tidy and reorganised a load clutter but finally created a comfortable work space that fitted in with the rest of that "life" thing. It's kinda important, having an area for a thing. One associates a place with what is done there, so when you get there you get into the appropriate frame of mind for doing what is done there.
It's the logic that suggests when someone is having trouble sleeping, get up for a while rather than lie there fitfully. Else it can lead to one associating bed with somewhere one is fitfull rather than enjoys a good sleep.

 

[BPI]

As an embittered singleton I'll throw it in...

Ditch the cowbag, if she's making your life miserable run like hell, it'll only get worse. Find someone who loves YOU, not your abilities as a father, wage-earner or whatever the hell made her hook up with someone she holds in contempt.



Of course, that doesn't really help, I know

Lots of sensible advice above though, DR's sitting closest to my recommendation. I really feel for you & can but hope this was one of those "this is as bad as it gets" feelings that only lasts a day. Just don't find yourself, in 5 years time, stuck in the same position but a great deal more miserable. Particularly for the sakes of the kids, far better to see two happy parents living apart than being stuck in a sniping warzone.

Good luck, B.

 

[DXM]

One question I forgot to ask.
When you were dating your wife, did she know you had a hobby or did you as a typical male hide the inner geek to be cool? Ive always been upfront and yes it did hurt a few relations and ended some before they started. I did play sports, golfed, went out with the guy to see hooli hooli girls. Most woman, not all women want the cool macho husband without the geek gene. I've had upon meeting old female friends ask me ...Do you still paint those toys.....yup.
The motivational part, I understand the taking shots from the wife will hurt but if you have a dozen project on the go, of course you will get down and not finish and give her more ammo.
In my younger day I did a count once and I has 28 different project in the go. I vowed that if I start a project, I will finish it before starting a new one, that was 26 years ago and I still do it to today( Kinda of ). I'm single and yes I sometimes can only do 1 hour a week modelling. There are times I run out of steam and lose all motivation too. I'll walk away for a bit, read, come here, see what other people are doing. Get the creative juices topped up and go back. That is why my completion rate is about 1 a year but the end product is worth all the crap you had to deal with in life. You mentioned you have family, kids, all the issues of having a family, you should be happy you can get the one hour. I know a few painters/modellers that gave up the hobby till the kids grew up.I don't say to give up the hobby but enjoy the time you do it, Try to finish a project so atleast you can have some self satisfaction and that you actually accomplished something in the end.

 

[freakinacage]

i'm standing with dragonsreach on this one. i'd have a talk. seems unfair

 

[daGoz]

I was lucky when my wife went on a mini painting/anti 40k rampage. I owned the house before she came along (as in I owed nothing on it, totally) so I told her if she was that unhappy, not to let the door hit her a$$ on the way out. This (not so) surprising tactic (if you knew me well) forced her to actually talk about what the real issues were. Those I was willing to discuss, and (not) surprisingly (if you knew her) had little to do with me.
So, while I think DRs advice is of the top quality, this is a red neck version of it. Use his, not mine.
Please keep the comparisons to Scott to a minimum.

 

[Master of fact]

When we met, i was an ice hockey playing lifeguard that rode a nice motorcycle and drove the nice car, now im swim teaching husband with 2 kid's under 3 and noose, sorry mortgage. I told her i painted, as in i said i painted and did not elaborate. She also get's ticked when i go and play 40k.

Anyway sat down and talked and i do need to spend more time with her and less on spending ££££ one mini's. ( is it just me or do we buy even if we don't need a mini). I am going to take my painting straifgt back to basics and start again. I could never give my hobby up as iv been into warhammer since i was 9 (im 24 now)

 

[Tercha]

Hmm, give up painting, take up,
1) Gambling
2) Drinking
3) Womanising
4) Drag racing
5) Motorbike customisation
6) Car customisation
7) Train surfing
8) Base Jumping
9) Cage fighting
10) Polar exploration
11) Crocodile wrangling
12) Rodeo riding
13) Scrapbooking
14) Collecting firearms
15) free diving
16) free climbing
17) build & fly a jet pack
18) Sail around the world Unsupported
19) Row the atlantic
20) Start a vendetta against the mafia
21) Plan the perfect robbery
22) write a novel
23) climb everest
24) stalk someone really famous (royalty)
25) see how long you can grow your fingernails
26) ditto toenails
27) take up train spotting
28) start a religious cult
29) see how many decimal places you can memorise pi
30) become a monk
personally I am going to stick to painting