I guess she does not need a new car but a fast boat or light airplane, car tend to sink when crossing the atlantic:dont-know:
Tales from the Freak Bar 8 (trevor blew the old one up)
- Thread starter uberdark
- Start date
- Status
DannyBoy2k
New member
Seeing as how my fiancee is:
A, about 9 hours away, timezone-wise, and 4500 miles/7300 klicks, distance-wise.
B. In the hospital.
I think I can say I know how you feel. I offer Zen-hugs for hopefully some feel-better.
Guinea pig are great for company they always make a noise when they see you, only down side they tend to poo on you when you hold them for long.
You have a date to look forward to try breaking it down into weeks or I like working get ups:cute: I have 20 working get ups till my next holiday. Most of all remember you have the love of a good man (he is good isn't he not a mobster or somthing sinister).
lizcam
New member
He's wonderful!
Sand Rat
New member
Couple of things to remember liz - (I speak here from experience - the wife is 7500 or so miles away atm) -
Web cams are great. Try to email or see each other at least once a day.
The separation will pass. That's the payoff.
DB2 - Sorry to hear about your fiancee - hope things get better with her.
Web cams are great. Try to email or see each other at least once a day.
The separation will pass. That's the payoff.
DB2 - Sorry to hear about your fiancee - hope things get better with her.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
looking left .. looking right
DannyBoy2k
New member
Well, that would depend on your definition of 'better'. The problem is now gone, but the solution was somewhat....draconian.
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
here have a laugh
Marketing Translations
> -------------------------
>
> Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.
>
> The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
>
> In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
>
> Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
>
> The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
>
> When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
>
> When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
>
> An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."
>
> Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
>
> In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
>
Marketing Translations
> -------------------------
>
> Cracking an international market is a goal of most growing corporations. It shouldn't be that hard, yet even the big multi-nationals run into trouble because of language and cultural differences. For example, observe the following examples below.
>
> The name Coca-Cola in China was first rendered as Ke-kou-ke-la. Unfortunately, the Coke company did not discover until after thousands of signs had been printed that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax" depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 Chinese characters and found a close phonetic equivalent, "ko-kou-ko-le," which can be loosely translated as "happiness in the mouth."
>
> In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
>
> Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
>
> The American slogan for Salem cigarettes, "Salem - Feeling Free," got translated in the Japanese market into "When smoking Salem, you feel so refreshed that your mind seems to be free and empty."
>
> When General Motors introduced the Chevy Nova in South America, it was apparently unaware that "no va" means "it won't go." After the company figured out why it wasn't selling any cars, it renamed the car in its Spanish markets to the Caribe.
>
> When Parker Pen marketed a ballpoint pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to say "It won't leak in your pocket and embarrass you." However, the company mistakenly thought the spanish word "embarazar" meant embarrass. Instead the ads said that "It wont leak in your pocket and make you pregnant."
>
> An American t-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the spanish market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of the desired "I Saw the Pope" in Spanish, the shirts proclaimed "I Saw the Potato."
>
> Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.
>
> In Italy, a campaign for Schweppes Tonic Water translated the name into Schweppes Toilet Water.
>
Cosmic Secret
New member
What's this: The bar is still in one piece? What a surprise!
I've seen potatoes too. Why put that on a t-shirt? It made me laugh though.
Didn't know that Pepsi had something to do with necromancy...
I've seen potatoes too. Why put that on a t-shirt? It made me laugh though.
Didn't know that Pepsi had something to do with necromancy...
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
for all us "potty mouths"
Swearing at Work
> -------------------------
>
> Dear Employees:
>
> It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
> throughout the Service have been using foul language during the course of
> normal conversation with their co-workers.
>
> Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
> this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
>
> We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
> accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
>
> Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been
> provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
> an effective manner.
>
>
> Number 1
> TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training..
> INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
>
>
> Number 2
> TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
> INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
>
>
> Number 3
> TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
> INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
>
>
> Number 4
> TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
> INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
>
>
> Number 5
> TRY SAYING: Really?
> INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
>
>
> Number 6
> TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
> INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
>
>
> Number 7
> TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
> INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
>
>
> Number 8
> TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
> INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
>
>
> Number 9
> TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
> INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
>
>
> Number 10
> TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
> INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
>
>
> Number 11
> TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
> INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
>
>
> Number 12
> TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
> INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
>
>
> Number 13
> TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
> INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
>
>
> Number 14
> TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
> INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
>
>
> Number 15
> TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
> INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
>
>
> Number 16
> TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
> INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
>
>
> Number 17
> TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
> INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
>
>
> Number 18
> TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
> INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
>
>
> Thank You,
> Human Resources
>
>
Swearing at Work
> -------------------------
>
> Dear Employees:
>
> It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals
> throughout the Service have been using foul language during the course of
> normal conversation with their co-workers.
>
> Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
> this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
>
> We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to
> accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
>
> Therefore,a list of 18 New and Innovative 'TRY SAYING' phrases have been
> provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
> an effective manner.
>
>
> Number 1
> TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training..
> INSTEAD OF: You don't know what the f___ you're doing.
>
>
> Number 2
> TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter.
> INSTEAD OF: She's a f___ing bit__.
>
>
> Number 3
> TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late.
> INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
>
>
> Number 4
> TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible.
> INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
>
>
> Number 5
> TRY SAYING: Really?
> INSTEAD OF: You've got to be sh___ing me!
>
>
> Number 6
> TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with...
> INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
>
>
> Number 7
> TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project.
> INSTEAD OF: It's not my f___ing problem.
>
>
> Number 8
> TRY SAYING: That's interesting.
> INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
>
>
> Number 9
> TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented.
> INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won't work.
>
>
> Number 10
> TRY SAYING: I'll try to schedule that.
> INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn't you tell me sooner?
>
>
> Number 11
> TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues...
> INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his a__.
>
>
> Number 12
> TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir?
> INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
>
>
> Number 13
> TRY SAYING: So you weren't happy with it?
> INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
>
>
> Number 14
> TRY SAYING: I'm a bit overloaded at the moment.
> INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I'm on salary.
>
>
> Number 15
> TRY SAYING: I don't think you understand.
> INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
>
>
> Number 16
> TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
> INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
>
>
> Number 17
> TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
> INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
>
>
> Number 18
> TRY SAYING: He's somewhat insensitive.
> INSTEAD OF: He's a pr_ck.
>
>
> Thank You,
> Human Resources
>
>
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
> Hollywood Squares
> -------------------------
>
> These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
>
>
> Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
> A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
> (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
>
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it..
>
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
> A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
> A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
>
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
>
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
>
> Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
>
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
>
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
>
> -------------------------
>
> These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
>
>
> Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
> A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
> (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)
>
> Q. Do female frogs croak?
> A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
>
>
>
> Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
> A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it..
>
>
> Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
> A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
>
>
> Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
> A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
>
>
> Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
> A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.
>
>
> Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
> A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..
>
>
> Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
> A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..
>
> Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
> A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
>
>
> Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
> A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
>
>
> Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
> A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
>
>
> Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
> A.. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
>
>
> Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
> A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
>
>
> Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
> A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
>
>
> Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
> A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
>
>
> Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
> A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
>
>
> Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
> A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
>
>
> Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
> A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
>
>
> Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
> A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
>
>
> Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
> A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected..
>
>
> Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
> A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
>
>
> Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
> A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
>
>
> Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
> A.. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him
>
>
> Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
> A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
>
> Q.According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
> A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
>
wiccanpony
Official Freak Bar Witch
------------------------
> A Few Laughs for You
> -------------------------
>
> Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
>
> Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
>
> After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
>
> I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.
>
> I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
>
> No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
>
> I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
>
> "If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
>
> Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"
>
> Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
>
> On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.
>
> Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
>
> I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
>
> The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
>
> Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
> My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met.
>
> Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
>
> I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
>
> Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
>
> I see your IQ test results were negative.
>
> I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
>
> Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
>
> A Few Laughs for You
> -------------------------
>
> Women should not have children after 35. Really... 35 children are enough.
>
> Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling alleys.
>
> After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
>
> I am a nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect.
>
> I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
>
> No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning.
>
> I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign: "CHECKOUT TIME IS 18"
>
> "If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many dead rabbits on the highway?"
>
> Why do we choose from just two people for president and 50 for Miss America?"
>
> Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
>
> On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and bushes.
>
> Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
>
> I earn a seven-figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved.
>
> The next time you feel like complaining, remember: Your garbage disposal probably eats better than thirty percent of the people in this world.
>
> Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
>
> My wife and I were happy for twenty years .... then we met.
>
> Home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
>
> I live in my own little world, but it's ok, they know me here.
>
> Sign in pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea..."
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the 'terminal'?
>
> I see your IQ test results were negative.
>
> I don't approve of political jokes... I've seen too many of them get elected.
>
> Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving.
>
airhead
Coffin Dodger / Keymaster
Older women are so understanding:
After being married for 25 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Twenty five years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year-old girl".
Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises
After being married for 25 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Twenty five years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white tv, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year-old girl".
Now I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, nice big bed and plasma screen tv, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.'
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white tv.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crises
- Status
