squig hunter
New member
Q: What did the sheep say when he found his one true love?
A: Be still my bleating heart
a 100% squig hunter joke
Squig
A: Be still my bleating heart
a 100% squig hunter joke
Squig
What did the egg say to the boiling water?
- Thread starter Rigged4Mini
- Start date
This one is probably better told than read, but I rather enjoyed it when I first heard it, and it is one of the only non-filthy jokes that I know, so here we go.
_________
A rabbit hops down the street one bright and sunny day, his fluffy tail shaking, his perfectly white fur reflecting the sunlight. With a wide grin on his face he bounces into a butcher\'s shop.
\"Hello Mr. Butcher!\" he gleefully exclaims, \"Have you got any lettuce?\"
The butcher looks down over the bloodstained counter, somewhat confused and replies with a simple “No”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” and the rabbit hops off.
The very next day, just as he has finished serving Mrs Smith a nice bit of liver, the butcher hears the rabbit again: “Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
Just as confused as before the butcher looks down and shakes his head. “No Mr. Rabbit, I don’t have any lettuce.”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” and Rabbit hops away.
Weeks pass, and each day the rabbit returns with the same cheery request.
“Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
Each day the butcher’s patience grows thinner and thinner, his replies angrier and angrier, yet still the rabbit hops of with a cheery “OK Mr. Butcher!”
On the 17th day the rabbit returns, the same moronic grin on his face. “Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
By now the butcher has had enough. “NO!! I don’t have any bloody lettuce. I run a butcher’s shop! We have beef, we have lamb, poultry, pies, game, offal, any cut of meat you might desire, but we don’t have any bloody lettuce! If you come in here and ask me that again I’m going to hammer you to the display in my window and sell you to the first customer that fancies you for their pot.”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” The rabbit chuckles, as happy as ever, and off he hops.
To the butcher’s amazement the fluffy white rabbit hops in the very next day. The butcher fixes him with a stern, angry, warning gaze as rabbit opens his mouth to talk, yet talk the rabbit does.
“Hello Mr Butcher!”
The butcher’s face begins to turn beetroot red with anger.
“Have you got any nails?” Comes the rabbit’s cheery question.
“Errr… no.” comes the butcher’s confused reply.
“Have you got any lettuce?” asks Mr Rabbit.
_________
A rabbit hops down the street one bright and sunny day, his fluffy tail shaking, his perfectly white fur reflecting the sunlight. With a wide grin on his face he bounces into a butcher\'s shop.
\"Hello Mr. Butcher!\" he gleefully exclaims, \"Have you got any lettuce?\"
The butcher looks down over the bloodstained counter, somewhat confused and replies with a simple “No”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” and the rabbit hops off.
The very next day, just as he has finished serving Mrs Smith a nice bit of liver, the butcher hears the rabbit again: “Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
Just as confused as before the butcher looks down and shakes his head. “No Mr. Rabbit, I don’t have any lettuce.”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” and Rabbit hops away.
Weeks pass, and each day the rabbit returns with the same cheery request.
“Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
Each day the butcher’s patience grows thinner and thinner, his replies angrier and angrier, yet still the rabbit hops of with a cheery “OK Mr. Butcher!”
On the 17th day the rabbit returns, the same moronic grin on his face. “Hello Mr. Butcher! Have you got any lettuce?”
By now the butcher has had enough. “NO!! I don’t have any bloody lettuce. I run a butcher’s shop! We have beef, we have lamb, poultry, pies, game, offal, any cut of meat you might desire, but we don’t have any bloody lettuce! If you come in here and ask me that again I’m going to hammer you to the display in my window and sell you to the first customer that fancies you for their pot.”
“OK Mr. Butcher!” The rabbit chuckles, as happy as ever, and off he hops.
To the butcher’s amazement the fluffy white rabbit hops in the very next day. The butcher fixes him with a stern, angry, warning gaze as rabbit opens his mouth to talk, yet talk the rabbit does.
“Hello Mr Butcher!”
The butcher’s face begins to turn beetroot red with anger.
“Have you got any nails?” Comes the rabbit’s cheery question.
“Errr… no.” comes the butcher’s confused reply.
“Have you got any lettuce?” asks Mr Rabbit.
AinuLainour
New member
That\'s a good one Lono lol
I don\'t have any right now, though.
I don\'t have any right now, though.
mattsterbenz
New member
Q:Why was the belt arrested?
A:For \"holding up\" the pants!
Q: What do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
And finally a redneck joke! (I love these ones!):
-If your grandmother comes out of the bathroom and shouts \"Come look before I flush it!\", you might be a redneck!
-Matt
A:For \"holding up\" the pants!
Q: What do you call a hundred lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
And finally a redneck joke! (I love these ones!):
-If your grandmother comes out of the bathroom and shouts \"Come look before I flush it!\", you might be a redneck!
-Matt
Shawn R. L.
New member
The ol\' preacher man comes to town. Goes to the local saloon to shed some light on the poor drunk fellers there. Gonna show them the EVIL\'s of liquor!! He puts two shot glasses on the bar. He fills one with whiskey and the other with water. He then puts a worm in each glass. The one in the whiskey squirms and quickly dies. The one in the water wriggles around, unharmed. Preacher man looks to the fellers and says - \"Boy\'s, who can tell me the meanin of this here demonstration?\" Old feller pipes up and says - \"Sure, I get it! If ya drink whiskey ya wont get worms!!\"
freakinacage
Well-known member
what have you got if you have a lawyer up to his neck in quick drying concrete?
not enough concrete!!
not enough concrete!!
vincegamer
Active member
Should I start making up jokes about your jobs?
philologus
Subgenius
Please do! I\'m in manufacturing. Ready Go.
Shawn R. L.
New member
Fire away. I have had so many jobs there is bound to be some good jokes about some of them!
Shawn R. L.
New member
@Brimshack - Ha ha ha!!
A bear walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says \"We don\'t serve your kind here.\" The annoyed bear leaves.
The next day the bear comes back and orders a drink, and again is told \"We don\'t serve your kind here.\" The now somewhat angry bear leaves.
The following day the bear tries again, with the same response. The bear says \"If you refuse to serve me again, you are going to regret it.\"
The next day the bear returns, and is again refused. The bear proceeds to devour a bar floozy seated next to him. He then says to the bartender, \"Now will you serve me a drink?\"
The bartender says, \"We don\'t serve drug addicts here.\"
The bear replies, \"I\'m not a drug addict!\"
The bartender says, \"Sure you are, that was a bar-bitch-you-ate.\"
The next day the bear comes back and orders a drink, and again is told \"We don\'t serve your kind here.\" The now somewhat angry bear leaves.
The following day the bear tries again, with the same response. The bear says \"If you refuse to serve me again, you are going to regret it.\"
The next day the bear returns, and is again refused. The bear proceeds to devour a bar floozy seated next to him. He then says to the bartender, \"Now will you serve me a drink?\"
The bartender says, \"We don\'t serve drug addicts here.\"
The bear replies, \"I\'m not a drug addict!\"
The bartender says, \"Sure you are, that was a bar-bitch-you-ate.\"
vincegamer
Active member
A rope walks into a bar and the bartender says \"we don\'t serve your kind in here.\"
The rope leaves, twists himself into a loop and unravels his ends and goes back inside.
The bartender says: \"hey, aren\'t you that rope I just told to leave?\" To which the rope says: \"no, I\'m a frayed knot\"
The rope leaves, twists himself into a loop and unravels his ends and goes back inside.
The bartender says: \"hey, aren\'t you that rope I just told to leave?\" To which the rope says: \"no, I\'m a frayed knot\"
freakinacage
Well-known member
bump!
how do you stop a cat from spitting at you?
turn the grill down
how do you stop a cat from spitting at you?
turn the grill down
No Such Agency
New member
Oh, if we\'re going to get nerdy:
Q: Two cats are on a slanted roof. Which one falls off first?
A: the one with the smaller \"mu\".
Double Ouch!
1 for the Joke and
2 to me for getting it.
Highbulp Billy
New member
Well I\'m bored enough to have spent half an hour googling to try and \"get\" this but just ended up even more confused... gues I\'ll never reach true geekdom :no:
