Goodbye CMON :(

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montka

New member
Thank you marra. (That is what people say in Cumbria which is a Viking word for respected equal. The dialect has not changed since the Dark Ages, nor the mentality that is why I can never leave, it is part of my blood and my soul. I can only leave if I can not raise a family here and have a wife here, that is my code of conduct, but I have the Sicilian Mafia upstairs, they're turning me into a blood and God knows the cops don't do shit about it, so if you can't beat them join them, or move somewhere where you can have children safely.)

If I stay here I live and die by the sword, is that righteous or blind madness I don't know but it feels good to have respect on the streets. Ever wonder why army lads have it the worst when they get out? Because of the rush and the adrenaline and the belief and pride they have when they are in and they get out and they have been used and abused, left to rot in a gutter when they would have given their life blood for queen and country, how can that be right in the eyes of God? How can the queen leave them in the gutter? Because it's always been that way. They take the queens shilling but they don't know what they're getting into.

I got started on this path by an ex-mercenary from the French Foreign Legion, a northern brit who was from Lancaster. Now he was very bad because he tells a lot of lies and is very manipulative. He was very abusive to me and my neighbour, who was in the flat where the Sicilian now lives.

Now it got to a point where I lost my temper and I beat the snot out of him where he sat; he had been very threatening but he was teaching me how to fight, smoking and drinking and reliving the times of his army life, which was his best days so to speak.

The trouble was he gave away too much and showed me a bit of skill in street fighting.

Now the next thing that happened was I became quite paranoid in case he wanted to kill me for this, as he had threatened to kill me while we were hanging out, which was having an effect on my mind and making me paranoid. So I called the cops. I tried not to grass him up, and indeed the female police officer on the phone got quite aroused by my phone chat, because I was lascivious and she had not expected this.

Unfortunately they got into my head and trust and I pussied out and said I wanted to go into hospital because I was afraid in case he killed me, but was it a conceit of the mind because I couldn't stand alone on my own two feet just yet because no one had pointed out a road for me to walk down in this life of sin? Yes it was it was exactly that.

So then I was right to go into hospital. However I threatened to kill the CPN in the car because I remembered that the nurses are weird homosexuals who actually have nothing in the way of wisdom or advice for life that will do a man good, and I thought if I killed him and made a run into the wilderness I might get away from the world and invoid inprisonment in the mental hospital for the fifth time running, which was not a good thing in my mind. Please listen to the wonderful song by Metallica below, and you will understand that it is not good in there and indeed it makes you want to kill people when they put you in and everyone inside is the same they either are waiting for love that never comes or they have family to support them or they want to die very badly or they want to kill people or they are so estranged from humanity that they are tearing away at their own minds to find a piece of something that makes them useful to society but they will never find that now because of the system:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WElvEZj0Ltw
 
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montka

New member
British History X - Chapter Two

Now the Germanic folk who had come over from the shores of the North of Germany where there was a lot of hard fighting like always among Aryan men (Aryan meaning Noble, which is the People descended from modern day Iran who swept over India and Europe in a wave of conquest not so long ago because they loved nothing more than fighting, sex and a drug that we don't know what it was now but they got high on it and it was called soma (and we in europe speak a language that stems from what is called Indo-European that spread out and diverged as people spread out and took over land from the original inhabitants by right of conquest, so you see war is always pursued by men who are noble)).

And the Germans that had come over were not all the Germans from the tribes that came over, but only the very bravest that would fight for their families and for plunder rape and pillage which was exciting, and they considered this the best thing to do rather than live as slaves to other men.

These men had come over in their boats wonderfully carved and before they left made pledges to brothers and wives and loved ones; sons, cousins, nephews and nieces whom they loved dearly, more than life itself, that they would come back for them if they lived to tell the tale of the fighting they would do in Brittania, and they would have a new land that was richer and warmer than the land they inhabitted where the wolves howl and it is scary for men to set foot in the forest as terrible death awaits them from the wolves fangs.

In them times a man who was a man and not a slave wore his hair long like a Heavy Metal fan and spoke like Arnold Schwarzenneger and did not please men but himself first and foremost and to feed his family was the good thing his heart desired. As well as rape and pillage and conquest, which is exciting, lusting the blood.

They wore their hair in topknots like Chaos Space Marines and wore gold and bronze armlets which signified their rank. They bore shields of brilliant colours which are recorded in the annals their designs.

When they had earned their gold and said goodbye to the celts, who were their friends and excellently pleased with their work in battle against the other celts of different tribes, north, south, east and west, all enemies who fought for land and women, they missed them and were sad. But they were also sad that they returned to a land that was cold beyond belief, where wolves dwelled and preyed on their little ones without warning, where rivers were icy and children fell in, where women mourned the loss of children who straved to death because there was not enough to eat, where men from other German tribes slaughtered one another and blood ran from blades skill crafted too much for the soul to bear without thinking twice about the bloodshed.

Soon enough all the Germans on the north shores , who were not Germans at all but men and cannibals often, as is shown by bone remains, who ate their foes and jested at it, pissing on the remains of people they hated who had caused them grief (they were not Germans at this point for there was no nation, no unity, no maps, just word of mouth and parlay which could be betrayed at a moments notice, and no one trusted anyone who was not in their family by blood), these Germans returned home to wives delighted to see them with their plunder. They brought cattle that the celts had given them and pigs and some sheep, and slaughtered them ceremoniously with thanks to Woden, Thor and the HeaFatha, which the Anglo Saxons, who spoke Old English, called God, because even pagans, like every other religion known to man, believed in one higher God who created us all and loved us.

Now they roasted these animals and ate them and their wives were very horny because they like to have sex with conquerors, who feul the next generation's conquests.

The men liked this because usually they had to work very hard to get the women to have sex with them by doing all sorts of jobs like felling trees and building things. The women couldn't do this because they were pregnant nine months out of twelve if Freyr blessed them with fertitlity and they were responsible for raising children and teaching them to talk, telling them stories, explaining things and keeping them safe from dangers like icy rivers and they were terrified of losing children because it was all they had really because men were obnoxious to them because menfolk are born for fighting wars of grief.

Now as the Germans recovered from their feasting, merriment and relief that the battle was over, they realized that they hadn't been attacked by any other neighbouring tribes in a long while. They were perplexed. They went over the hills and forests looking for other Germans, and it turned out they had all been doing the same thing and everyone had chilled out a bit now that they had something decent to eat and a full stomach that could keep them alive at least till spring came (they had gone out to fight in winter, when there was no food at all besides man flesh, and the wolves were ravenous.)

So they started to talk together and wonder if they should all go to Britannia again, this time for good. They thought this was a good idea.

***

Over in Brittania where it was milder and there was grass luscious and sheep grazing and people going about their daily lives, raiding in a merry spirit of fairness and killing one another not even half as much as the angles and saxons did. (They had better things to eat than the flesh of men so they tried to farm and kept an eye on the live stock and wily neighbours that were always theiving things, much like the Scottish today).

There was a charver called aeron who lived on the east coast of England who was minding his own business with a sheep one day and what happened was he looked up and saw an enormous fleet of finely crafted vessels with big strong men inside rowing oars. Their muscles were knotted, their hair was long; their sinews were steel, their faces focused on the job in hand. That charver shat himself and ran to tell the rest of the village who were as helpless as hobbits against a Chaos Knight when the charvers in the boats arrived on the shore.

They, the Saxons had broadswords held above their heads with remarkable strength, bloodcurdling battlecries tearing from their grimy lips. Sneers and snarls and dark laughter cut the air as Aeron's village was torn apart in minutes. Every single person in it, man woman and child was cut apart and desecrated and vomited poured from the weaker stomachs at the slaughter.

Women and children came out of the ships their Fathers had rowed and marvelled at the heaps of crumpled bodies and the way crows and other carrion swooped in to pluck out the eyeballs delicious and fresh.

Ravens swooped in masses over the encampment that the Saxons made there on the shore, and the lads said this was an omen that either they would die there, or take every single Briton with courage apart with their weaponcraft, or if they begged for their life in the mud like a coward they would let him live as a slave, shearing his hair bald, and beating him daily, letting their wives and children mock him and treat him as dirt for the rest of his days if he would not comply with the heavy workload they set upon him.

So they battled up the country, south west as far as Cornwall, north west as far as Wales, North as far as Scotland, (the Scots are still wild), and Northwest over the Humber as far as Scotland again.

It was so bloody that the entire of the Gaelic language which people had spoken in that land was erradicated entirely from memory and speech and it was forbidden for anyone to speak it, and the word for Slave and Briton to the Germans was the same, and this word was THeyóWa and they had no rights then as now. This was an Arsehole thing of the Anglo-Saxons to do and Mel Gibson will Agree with this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLrrBs8JBQo

It is the law that every scot must own this VHS and I don't blame them.

However my mother is a Charlton and the worst is yet to come.
 
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montka

New member
Now Oxford and Cambridge is exactly the root of my suffering since it is where I was bred to go but the Arsehole Anglo-Saxons who rule Britain and dwell there think they run the Country and matter in the world. Now they are deluded and clinging to power, power of tyranny which is doomed to die, and so I will present to you soon the story of the tyranny of the English and the Rise of the British working classes, who are celts and failed Saxons, and you will see that this is a tyrannical power and a dragon doomed to die by its own gluttony and abuse of the oppressed working classes.

Now my prediction for the world of Britain is that the unruliness and tribalism of the British who are now in power over Britain will create an unstoppable descent into Chaos and lawlessness will prevail unless there is some benevolent power higher up that is watching over us, well that is not something the Anglo Saxons have ever done for us and I am half Anglo Saxon, and you will find that the story does not end here and you will see that it is daft as a brush like me, what English and British history is like overall.

Eeeh Marra!!
 
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montka

New member
There is a man at my electrical college who I met on Monday. He is incredible to behold.

I am 6'2" and he dwarfs me. He is the exact image of the Aryan ideal of 88.

I asked him where he was from and he replied "Whitehaven". This is on the West Coast of Cumbria where the sea is beautiful and the air is clean. Rarified and crystal like to breath, a wonder.

I told him he looked Danish, and he replied "Thank you".

His arms are like Goliath's. He plays rugby. I want to know if I can take him down. He could be 7' tall. He must be a great weight. I wonder if he uses steroids.

I like this forum its getting it out of my system. I'm getting out the poison I was brought up in. Mental poison a wasteland of poverty and oppression. It's getting worse out here. I'm trying to believe it's going to get better.

I need to find a way of life that satisfies; I'm taking care of myself better. I need to relax.

I haven't heard the songs above in years, but I obsessed over them. They summed up how I felt at that particular time, or those years so well. I only could afford a few albums so I had them playing the same albums every day Brainwashed myself or used it to get through tough emotions bottled up with no one around to talk to about what was going on; the latter probably.

These memoirs are melancholy.

I always wanted to fight the bullies physically and that would have been better than the mental torture of ridicule they put me through on a daily basis. That would have been healthier, but no, bullies get away with tormenting kids endlessly cos no one cares about that kid, even if he's a great lad and has a lot to offer. Maybe that's not the case but that's how I felt; you want to deal with it alone cos you're a man now, 13 ready to do it on your own cos that's what you think a man does, deals with everything alone, a hero, cos you idolize your dad coz he's powerful coz --- he's a tyrant. Well there it is, my dad's a tyrant and I couldn't stand up to him coz I was little, and everyone I loved just rubbed salt into the wound. I found no place and no peer group until at uni I was hijacked socially by a group of Christians who make sure you believe what they believe or you're out of the gang. My depression was starting at age 14; by 18 I was suicidal. No one done anything to help. My mum kept saying she would but my parents always say they have the best intentions and let me down and blame me for everything.

My little brother is the only person I really love, that is weird I know I'm supposed to love my mother. I do in a way but it's a forgotten memory now of a comfort I don't need any more that she can't provide any more and I resent that.

Boy meets world at 25 after what?

I'm fecked off against the world.

I found Manowar and that made me believe in myself. I just don't know what I want. I want to survive and just get a better place to live than were I am cos its hell here. It really is a warzone. The cops patrol here in vans and were body armour and just next door there's Workington where the Sicilian goes out to work and he comes back with bruises on his fists. NO ONE GIVES A SHIT. It's business as usual but things have been in decline in Britain since WWI.

This is worse than cold and wolves. This is crack addicts, smack addicts, cocaine addicts, knives, police with guns, riots in London, no welfare that can deliver you from the hell of poverty, the youth know what's up and they hate the cops.

It ain't right and it ain't fair and I've got the right to find a better life and seek God and have freedom, you can't be free in poverty and theres no honest livings here.

Don't know if it's any better in Canada at all. Don't know if they'll have me or send me back to here with even more problems, sore arse from them kicking me out, no home to go to since I'll lose my council flat.

This Sicilian might still want to do some business and the cops don't even mind. So really, if the Canadians won't have me on those grounds, of wanting a better life for my children than what I've had, I have a right to be naughty imho. I will be bad as feck if I don't find somewhere safe and healthy to raise my own family. I will raise hell.
 
Shawn R. L.

Shawn R. L.

New member
Avelorn said:
@Sean: Well I am always interested in history so do continue. :)
Click to expand...

Well...........don't want to hijack the thread, but hope this will help those who think they are the only ones who have such problems....you're not alone. Had crippling problems with depression/anxiety for about the past 40 years. Faith in God, group support, therapy, doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists, friends family, books and such have all combined to both day to day support and strengthening. I was forced to question A LOT of assumptions about life, sanity, meanings, faith, reality. I've had wonderful 'mountain top' experiences of breakthru's and some devistating valleys with the blade near my wrist. Is my assesment that things are hopeless necessarily the truth? Deferring to the truth that God is on my side. There is a way through as opposed to relying on my own 'eyes' to guide me has been an anchor in many many a storm. That's not just some etherial meditation. It's in conjunction with action. I've had much help from medication, diet and exercise, re-arraingement of my life and priorities to name a few. Now, instead of being some endless, pointless, day to day drudgery of just existing it's almost an adventure (at times....it still sux many days). What will be the next revelation? Lately it's been a thing of being able to be what I have needed and wanted for so long to others - someone who's been there and done that. Now I am able to help those who are really grinding through it and have little hope. I can speak from experience as opposed to strictly theory, what has helped me get through things. It's a very hard path but there are some distinct advantages to it. Depressions can, if you choose to turn your eyes towards being open to learning, burn away much of the 'fluff' of life and get you in direct touch with MUCH deeper meaning in life. Life is worth living..........life is hard. Choose hope even in the darkest night.

"Lean not unto your own understanding but in all ways acknowlege God and He will guide your path."

Hard to condense that much time and experience into a few meaningful lines but hopefully this little bit of my story will help.
 
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montka

New member
Thank you lads, your support means so much to me.

I have chosen to knock a lot of things I love on the head to pursue money that I need to experience quality of life. Is that even right?

It is not right to live off benefits system and be a sponge. Even though people I love have hurt me I feel the saying of Jesus to be true "Forgive them Lord they know not what they do". There is an AC song called "Hitler was a sensitive man" and I see myself in the worst people so I can't exactly be an angel can I?

I think finding here on the forum what is "AgapéY love" as spoken of by St Paul in Cor 13 which is worth more than owt. That is what we find here as we bring each other on in what is edifying.

But there is a saying of Jesus "The light of thy body be thine eye. Therefore if thine eye be single then thy whole body shall be filled with light, yet if thine eye be false they whole body shall be filled with darkness. If the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness?"

When bipolar people are manic they find light very bright and it is almost too much to bear and it can make your head spin, but it is a high enjoying the beauty of nature. But if we start to see what is good as bad, then we react very badly to the light. Then we are very dangerous, or so perceived. That is why I need my medication I suppose.

But if we don't have faith in men, how can we have faith in a therapeutic system which is basically imo jargon made by men? I feel Freud's influence on psychology has actually caused a lot of grief and I am easily made irritable.

I suppose a bit of medication wouldn't be the end of the world.

Therapy has really helped you Shawn R.L.?
 
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montka

New member
Well I am mates with my neighbour again.

At least I am not getting kidnapped and tortured over drugs on a council estate.
 
M

montka

New member
I think it was quite childish of me to glorify the ghetto life, or even the soldier's life. It is also the media and gangster rap that is responsible for glorifying the ghettos.

I can see from what my new friend is going through that it is not cool to be involved in this that or the other, he's just trying to find enough money to eat. I don't envy his position, I am justt happy to have a friend IRL. He is quite a cool chaver if you're on the right side of him, he likes Battlefield 3 and weed.
 
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dogfacedboy uk1

New member
Well nothing wrong with a bit of Battlefield 3, I have been seduced away from painting by that over the last week. But I would advise you to steer clear of the weed if you are feeling depressed and in the state of mind you currently are. Not into all that myself but I have seen several friends who were already depressed or unhappy get even more f*cked up by all that stuff.

dfb
 
Shawn R. L.

Shawn R. L.

New member
@montka.

Yes, therapy did help. Depending on what you're dealing with, it can be good to do in conjunction with med's.
 
BPI

BPI

New member
If you're going to self-medicate Montka I wouldn't recommend a psychotropic. But then I wouldn't advise self medicating anyway. Been there, not worth learning for yourself. Get your drugs from a doctor ;)

Good luck, B.

PS Alcohol counts as a drug for these purposes.
 
Shawn R. L.

Shawn R. L.

New member
montka said:
Did you know lithium is a radioactive substance? Can't be healthy can it?
Click to expand...

If you're dealing with manic depression, lithium can be a life changer/saver. There's also depakote, lamictal, tegratol and others that can help with manic depression. I'm using depakote now for some other issues. It really helps.

As far as radiation goes, the world is full of radioactivity. It's a matter of degrees. Not something to get worried about.
 
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dogfacedboy uk1

New member
montka said:
Oh thanks! Lol, that saves me some worrying.

My new friend now has my laptop, my coat and my wallet. Weed and friendship perhaps not the best idea.

I met two of his smackhead 'mates' at his party last night, now I am starting to believe his crazy stories.

Therefore take it away Guns and Roses!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1tj2zJ2Wvg&ob=av3e
Click to expand...

Maybe you need to change your social circle? Probably not the best type of people to hang out with if you are not feeling your best...

dfb
 
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