Goodbye CMON :(

[montka]

Hombres, I am in hospital now doing fine. I sussed out the dealer was not going through with his threats, I called him personally using his number he left on facebook and he shit himself that I stood up to him.

It does help that my room mate and another mate in here are in the game too and a LOT harder than he is. My marra in this room is still a decent guy cos he's never been on smack. That's the difference btw a gangster and f*c@ING smack head. So the stress is off there. And Mr mafia Carini that threatened and robbed me, now I don't fear his threats, may be on the cctv in our flats stealing my stuff. What goes around comes around.

Let me also clarify that during this episode I have NOT had suicidal thoughts or intentions. I can see how my words gave that impression and I WAS crying for help, but this came about through me trying to say goodbye to the community here. (NOT MY LIFE FFS!) Because I said I would do that if I was censored in my previous post regarding what 'life' is like in cumbria if you're poor, and that thread disappeared.

That music I posted is by musicians who are very much still alive.

With regards to privacy, wait and see.

 

[alextheartist]

Glad to here that your doing ok mate,

 

[Shawn R. L.]

Makes me glad to see you're getting help. SUCH a relief to get others invloved and not fight the battle alone. Best wishes - : )

 

[Dragonsreach]

Sean;
I'm really glad that you are doing well and have proper help and support.
As I've said before I was concerned about you and hope that you can accept that concern was well meant.
Take care and get well.

Mike

 

[freakinacage]

Good to hear

 

[me_in_japan]

glad to hear you're doing better. Keep at it, and don't give up. First step on the road, and all that We're here if you want to vent/chat

 

[montka]

Im not sure to what extent mental hospitals help tbh.

My room mate 'benny' is in here cos he went into his neighbours house and threatened him with an 18" long knife, then went upstairs and threatened the guys family. He only has to stay here a week and he's free again. I've head stuff from him that I won't share here but it is dark. He is living proof that committing serious violent crimes causes bad damage to the mind.

Another man in here 'ozzy' who's been taken away by twelve officers now and was in for carrying a machete around his council estate smashed up the urinals with a fire extinguisher. He has dine 18 years solitary in jail and is said to have stabbed ppl in the eyes. Benny beckons he would have killed either of us if it took his fancy, (they knew each other from the same town and ozzy smashed in bennys's mates face for no reason.
I've been sectioned six times. Evryone I've met who's done time saus

 

[montka]

Says its the same as jail.

 

[montka]

When I get out of here I am buying a huge stash of lithium and flying over to Vancouver. I can make enough money to support myself commission painting. I need people around me that don't revolve around drug abuse and violence. West cumbria is a wasteland and I'm not going to glorify that or stay here out of some sentimental stubborn pride. I hate seeing the suffering around me. Tupac is an idol here and its no surprise.

 

[dogfacedboy uk1]

surround yourself with great friends in a great enviroment and start fresh. The negative shit can then be turned into a positive. If you go back to the same as before I would fear things would be the same for you. Go for it.

dfb

 

[Wolf Fang]

hey m8... it's been a long time since ive been around and i havnt had the liberty of meeting you before but it's good to hear thigns are going a bit better for ya, ive had seom pretty dark times myselfe and if ya ever need to chat feel free to shoot me a PM i might not know what to say but i always got an ear open (or in this case eyes open)hope good progress continues for ya buddy, we're all pullin for ya

 

[QuietiManes]

Every city has its "dangerous neighborhoods", Vancouver is no exception. BC, the entire province, is a hotbed of weed farms and hippies and dealers/distributors. In all seriousness. I don't point this out to keep you away but you'll need to get yourself situated in a nicer area of town, no matter which town you are in.

Having said that, the province is beautiful, the economy and quality of life is on the up AND miniatures are quite popular there, so, if you do move there, I think you'll like it.

 

[Wolf Fang]

we love minis in bc if your going to vancouver ive been in the twassen area... it's actually pretty nice there (or so it seems) dont know much aboutvancouver itselfe but i have seen some "bad" areas, like said before m8 keep up the progress

 

[montka]

Yo for the past month I've been living on the bread line with never more than a five in my bank account. Expecting to start fresh in a nice neighbourhood is starting to seem like expecting the prom queen to lift her skirt for you because she had a secret crush. I'm in a rush to get out of here because fighting is in my blood so I could end up in a lot of trouble if the wrong ppl push me around. My Granada was in the IRA and one of his relatives got a Victoria cross fighting for the English at around the same time

 

[montka]

BTW I have made videos in here in hospital of me covering some songs. The quality is good. Technically it is illegal to film in here but I'm only filming myself so there is no damages to anyone. Do you think ill get away with putting them on YouTube, assuming i still like them when I'm better?

 

[montka]

Lithium:

The nuclei of lithium verge on instability, since the two stable lithium isotopes found in nature have among the lowest binding energies per nucleon of all stable nuclides. Because of its relative nuclear instability, lithium is less common in the solar system than 25 of the first 32 chemical elements even though the nuclei are very light in atomic weight.[1] For related reasons, lithium has important links to nuclear physics. The transmutation of lithium atoms to helium in 1932 was the first fully man-made nuclear reaction, and lithium deuteride serves as a fusion fuel in staged thermonuclear weapons.
Lithium and its compounds have several industrial applications, including heat-resistant glass and ceramics, high strength-to-weight alloys used in aircraft, lithium batteries and lithium-ion batteries. These uses consume more than half of lithium production.
Trace amounts of lithium are present in all organisms. The element serves no apparent vital biological function, since animals and plants survive in good health without it. Nonvital functions have not been ruled out. The lithium ion Li+ administered as any of several lithium salts has proved to be useful as a mood-stabilizing drug due to neurological effects of the ion in the human body.

So it is unstable to contribute to nuclear reactions but present in all life in trace amounts
God moves in mysterious ways

 

[Shawn R. L.]

If lithium doesn't do the trick you may consider (not sure on the spelling here) Depakote, Tegretal or lamictal.

 

[Mourner]

First off all, I know what you´re going through, both first and second hand.
I have suffered a major depression myself, after breaking off an 8,5 year relationship in with a girl who developed serious mental issues (which sound eerily like yours)

Everything I am going to say next, therefore, is serious, honest and from the heart.

First off all GET HELP!
You're allready pretty well underway with that, don't stop.


Second, what happened?
Your first post was pretty coherent, the next few posts contain nothing but quotes.
Then a few "bad situations", followed by a coherent respons once again.

What caused each transition?
Your psyciatrist might want to know


Third:
Get the help you need.
I've been to 3 shrinks, the first two tried to give me the answers to thing that were happening.
They did squat....
Then I started thinking, what do I need?
Not answers, I've had enough experience giving those with my ex.
And enough experience receiving from myself and those first two...
And then (one very stoned night) it hit me...
I need questions.

So I found a psychiatrist who was specificly willing to help me put question marks at everything that happened in my life.
And find out what they've contributed to it so far.
I feel a lot better, she has'nt given me the answers, but she's helped me to look in another way.
And find out new answers and things to try.

My ex never had the right psychiatrist, she got a child psychiatrist when she was 16 (7 years ago!) and she never changed.
She's still not improving.


Fourth:
Get help wherever you may find it.
Friends, family, professional... strangers over some mini-forum... whoever...
The main thing is that they want what's best for you.
That first post was a really good move.
It got us all involved (I read the first post, but CMON swallowed my comment without posting it somehow)
There's an awefull lot of knowledge, expertise and experience on this forum, and a lot of people who are more than willing to help, even someone they don't know.


Which brings me to my fifth point.
Don't drop off the map.
As I said, you need all the help you can get.
Stay in contact with as many people as you can, they can really help you.

on thread-relevancy:
Don't close this thread down, we've had thread about pretty much anything on here. (that makes it a great forum)
How is this less relevant to mini's than the large hadron collider I remember a thread about?
People who do not want to be involverd just ignore the link, people who do, just follow the link, soak up all our knowledge, and add your own.
Who knows, we might end up changing (or even saving) more than just Montka's life.
That said, I do think Admins should minitor thread-content, not subject.


Furthermore, do something with your life (this sounds harsh)
Find an occupation that gives you satisfaction and structure, just something to keep you occupied and kill time.
Something you can do and feel good about.


And above all: (all the way at the bottom )
Keep laughing, laughter IS the best medicin.
Especially when it come to depressions.
just keep doing thing you like, with people you like.


Hope we've been able to help you.

-Mourner

 

[montka]

Thanks mourner, I appreciate the tips.

If I can just make the point that all of cumbria is now a jobless wasteland.

And another point that I've tried stuff I like: boxing, rugby, an electrical course at college.

I don't connect to people except by listening to fellow psychotics in music (ie rap and metal psychos) and I don't even like that part of my self.

The conditions I've grown up in I might as well be a black man from a ghetto.

There is no boxing club where I am, the bus takes two hours to get to the next town. I'm choosing not to play rugby because it could result in permanent injury and then I could lose art.

I settled things with drug dealer and his well connected family by going straight into their pub and telling his aunt about all the violent threats he was coming out with and she took my side coz he's out of order. Then last night I called him three times till he picked up, told him to stop bullshitting me regarding the theft of my sh*t and said I just want to make sure there's peace when I return so I can sleep at night. He was pleased. I said if any of his boys come around ill get psycho. He said he would too. To us this was fun and humerous.

I've been locked up six times now. I see through this shit that sanitariums are here to help. Whatever the intention, they're just processing society's hazardous waste. I've never seen one person 'getting better' they're just getting dope up then put back into the jungle, the same environment that made them unwell in the first place.

It's not my problem I've got a future and ill make it of this, but I don't like seeing the really ill helping consultants make few mill by prescribing pills that don't work so well.

Now I shut up before I'm silenced like tupac.

"All I have in this world, all I have in this world, all I have in this world is balls and my word. Don't f*ck with me"

 

[Mourner]

hey there,

I'm heading for a rough patch myself right now.
My girlfriend broke up with me last night :s

So let's just hang in there and get through this

-Mourner