philologus
Subgenius
Q.How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Fish
A. Fish
There\'s a joke inside this thread with a naughty word in it...
- Thread starter Infidel Castro
- Start date
A woman goes to see her psychiatrist,
\"Doctor I think I may be a pervert\"
Doctor :\"A pevert? can you explain your affliction?\"
Woman:\"Well you see Doctor I like to be kissed in the bum\"
D:\"My dear thats hardly a perversion, theres nothing wrong with a kiss in bum, I do worse than that myself\"
W:\"Your only saying that to make me feel better\"
D:\"Not at all, I\'ll prove it, undress yourself and put your head under that carpet\"
So the woman gets naked and sticks her head under the carpet, so with her arse in the air she waits expectantly thinking, this is great I might get a kiss in the bum, time passes and her bums starting to get cold. She pulls out her head and looks around at the Doctor who\'s sat on the easy chair smoking a pipe and reading the paper.
W:\"There you see, you didnt do anything\"
D:\"On the contrary my dear I\'ve just had a sh*t in your hand bag\"
\"Doctor I think I may be a pervert\"
Doctor :\"A pevert? can you explain your affliction?\"
Woman:\"Well you see Doctor I like to be kissed in the bum\"
D:\"My dear thats hardly a perversion, theres nothing wrong with a kiss in bum, I do worse than that myself\"
W:\"Your only saying that to make me feel better\"
D:\"Not at all, I\'ll prove it, undress yourself and put your head under that carpet\"
So the woman gets naked and sticks her head under the carpet, so with her arse in the air she waits expectantly thinking, this is great I might get a kiss in the bum, time passes and her bums starting to get cold. She pulls out her head and looks around at the Doctor who\'s sat on the easy chair smoking a pipe and reading the paper.
W:\"There you see, you didnt do anything\"
D:\"On the contrary my dear I\'ve just had a sh*t in your hand bag\"
Ebonbuddha
Active member
Ok. This is an oldie but goody.
A plane crashes into the ocean. The only survivors are a priest, a doctor, and a lawyer. Soon Sharks come and eat the priest and the doctor. Why did they eat the lawyer? Professional courtesy.
A plane crashes into the ocean. The only survivors are a priest, a doctor, and a lawyer. Soon Sharks come and eat the priest and the doctor. Why did they eat the lawyer? Professional courtesy.
Shawn R. L.
New member
What\'s the problem with a lawyer up to his neck in cement?......not enough cement!
Ebonbuddha
Active member
I heard this one when I lived in Alabama.
What is the definition of relative humidity? It’s the sweat on your sister’s back when you are f*cking her.
I have some more tasteless Southern humour if you want it. lol
What is the definition of relative humidity? It’s the sweat on your sister’s back when you are f*cking her.
I have some more tasteless Southern humour if you want it. lol
dougaderly
New member
Ok, I shouldn\'t even admit to knowing this one, but here:
What\'s the difference between a hooker and a car?
There\'s only one dead car buried in the yard.
What\'s the difference between a hooker and a car?
There\'s only one dead car buried in the yard.
A VERY unfunny joke...
This was actually told to me by a 19yr old female, believe it or not. My apoligies in advance.
A woman is in labor for many hours. Finally she gives birth, and the doctor takes the baby and slams it on the floor! Then he picks it up and wings it against a wall with all his might. Peeling it off the wall, he then opens the door to his office and flings it down a flight a stairs! \"Oh my God!\" screams the woman, \"What have you done?!\" The doctor just smiles at her and says \"April Fools... your baby was already dead\".
I know... I know... definately in the worst taste category ever, but since we were sharing BAD jokes...
This was actually told to me by a 19yr old female, believe it or not. My apoligies in advance.
A woman is in labor for many hours. Finally she gives birth, and the doctor takes the baby and slams it on the floor! Then he picks it up and wings it against a wall with all his might. Peeling it off the wall, he then opens the door to his office and flings it down a flight a stairs! \"Oh my God!\" screams the woman, \"What have you done?!\" The doctor just smiles at her and says \"April Fools... your baby was already dead\".
I know... I know... definately in the worst taste category ever, but since we were sharing BAD jokes...
Infidel Castro
New member
How many Freudians does it take to change a light bulb?
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.
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Two: one to change the light bulb and the other to hold onto the penis...I mean ladder!
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Two: one to change the light bulb and the other to hold onto the penis...I mean ladder!
philologus
Subgenius
The Alabama school system recently limited Drivers Education classes to Wednesdays and Thursdays. The other days Sex Education has the car.
Toothpaste was invented in Alabama. If it was invented anywhere else it would be \"Teethpaste\"
Q. What\'s the first thing an Alabama girl says when she wakes up?
A. \"Roll off me Daddy; you\'re crushing my smokes\"
Toothpaste was invented in Alabama. If it was invented anywhere else it would be \"Teethpaste\"
Q. What\'s the first thing an Alabama girl says when she wakes up?
A. \"Roll off me Daddy; you\'re crushing my smokes\"
squig hunter
New member
How many Slaanesh worshippers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two but they have to be very small. lol
Two but they have to be very small. lol
philologus
Subgenius
Q. Why do blondes wear Green lipstick?
A. Red means Stop
A. Red means Stop
freakinacage
Well-known member
*warning* bad taste
@everyone - oh dear shame on you all.
this was told to me by a girl:
whats black and blue and doesn\'t like sex?
the boy under my stairs
tut tut
and a southerner joke (i know i\'m not american but still...)
how do you circumsise a hick?
kick his sister in the jaw
@everyone - oh dear shame on you all.
this was told to me by a girl:
whats black and blue and doesn\'t like sex?
the boy under my stairs
tut tut
and a southerner joke (i know i\'m not american but still...)
how do you circumsise a hick?
kick his sister in the jaw
If a blonde and a brunette fall out of a building who hits the ground first?
Answer 1: The brunette. The blonde will have to stop and ask for directions.
Answer 2: The blonde. Blondes go down faster than anyone.
How can you tell a blonde has been using a vibrator?
Chipped teeth
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
\"Are you guys all on the same team?\"
Answer 1: The brunette. The blonde will have to stop and ask for directions.
Answer 2: The blonde. Blondes go down faster than anyone.
How can you tell a blonde has been using a vibrator?
Chipped teeth
What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms?
\"Are you guys all on the same team?\"
crimeclown
New member
Q. what\'s the part of a vegetable you can\'t eat?
A. the wheelchair! haha
I love that joke .lol
A. the wheelchair! haha
I love that joke .lol
johnboyjjb
Active member
A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette. The egg rolls away in disgust saying, \"Well I guess we finally answered that question!\"
When asked by his wife to \"give her 8 inches and make it hurt\" Jesse promptly shags her 4 times and punches her in the face.
What does a man in a nursing home look for when he\'s checking out women?
Parkinson\'s disease.
When asked by his wife to \"give her 8 inches and make it hurt\" Jesse promptly shags her 4 times and punches her in the face.
What does a man in a nursing home look for when he\'s checking out women?
Parkinson\'s disease.
Shawn R. L.
New member
Guy moves to the backwoods of Kentucky. After about a week he gets a knock on the door and it\'s Buford, his neighbor from down the road.
\"Jes come down here ta welcome ya to our neck of the woods. Gonna be havin a party to welcome ya!..........Ya like drinkin\"?
\"Oh yeah, I LOVE drinking\"!!!
\"Good, ya like fightin\"?
\"Oh boy, I love a good fight\"!!!
\"Well that\'s good. Ya like WILD CRAZY sex\"?
\"Oh, do I ever. This sounds GREAT. What sould I wear\"?
\"Aaaahhh, shoot son, dont you worry yerself bout that. Jes gonna be you and me\".
\"Jes come down here ta welcome ya to our neck of the woods. Gonna be havin a party to welcome ya!..........Ya like drinkin\"?
\"Oh yeah, I LOVE drinking\"!!!
\"Good, ya like fightin\"?
\"Oh boy, I love a good fight\"!!!
\"Well that\'s good. Ya like WILD CRAZY sex\"?
\"Oh, do I ever. This sounds GREAT. What sould I wear\"?
\"Aaaahhh, shoot son, dont you worry yerself bout that. Jes gonna be you and me\".
