Just had a read through, having been somewhat MIA and catching up with the vacant ponderings of our beloved denizens.
I have to agree that you should talk to someone about all this that's qualified in doing the listening/advice thing. I recall Sean having some severe problems with depressions made mention in the past on these forums too so one would assume he knows what he's talking about. You seem pretty happy to be able to throw it all out there and if it makes you feel lighter on that score then that's awesome, some pro help would seriously benefit your well being and help you take bearings on your standing in life. You're clearly not an unintelligent man so I hope you pay significant heed to those that wish you well, myself included, by saying that.
Hopefully when you get yourself sorted out, you'll be able to stand up and realise that you can take steps to change your life and throw it on the track you want it to take. And you *can*. There'll be a day, hopefully, when you can take all of this and throw it back in the face of anyone that's ever downed you, by coming out on top. King of the world, f*ck you very much, I WILL pass go, I WILL take my 200 bucks on the way past and head straight over to mayfair to snap that shit up and don't come knocking on my door.
That's up to you though. No one can make you do it, that's your call to make. You have to start at square one on the right road, but that road will go places.
All the very best, man. I mean it.